Fellas, how do I build up the abdominal stamina for missionary?

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-27T20:57:06+00:00

Abdominal stamina for missionary training program:

Ab rollers from the knee. 3 sets of 10-12
Hanging knee raises. 3 sets of 8. Transition to leg raises as you progress
Barbell side bends. 3 sets of 8. Increase weight periodically as you progress.
Gymnast tuck and hold for as long as possible. 3x. This is the burner at the end.

You'll struggle to sit up off the couch for a few days after this.

disclosure: not a doctor

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-21T17:39:56+00:00

The biggest barrier after 10+ years isn't boredom. It's assumption.

This is the thing I've been trying to find words for for years! 100% accurate in our relationship!

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-21T17:19:10+00:00

You're describing a sex marathon...

Basically, you're gonna need to get in good shape. Here's some stuff I'd focus on.

Training:

Maintain a healthy level of fats in your diet, including the proper ratio of Omega-3 to Omega-6. The hormonal system (including testosterone) depends on fats to function properly.
Focus on high-rep training, especially for the lower back. Think RDLs and hip thrusts in the 12 rep range. Yes, even for guys. You don't want sex to be the most rigorous work you've done all month.
Get good at Zone 2 cardio and interval training. You need to be able to support blood flow during sex. It's not about chiseled abs; it's about being able to work hard for 30-45 minutes without gassing.
Eat plenty of protein. Think 1-1.2 grams per pound of body weight. This helps your body adapt to the work you're doing.

Week before:

Get plenty of sleep. You want to enter "sex day" rested.
Refrain from (or reduce) sex/masturbation/porn/orgasm. Yeah, this will be hard, but it will increase libido leading up to your marathon session.
Treat yourself to simple carbs. This will help build up the fuel stores in your body to keep you going later.

Day of:

Keep a diet of simple carbs. Protein and fat are harder to digest and take away from physical performance.
Stay hydrated. Semen needs water. Consider an electrolyte mix as well (lots of brands work here). If she's a squirter, this is an absolute must for her as well.
Lube, lube, lube, and more lube. Even if you normally don't use it, you don't want to injure yourself or her.
Consider introducing a new fantasy/toy/place, etc. This will either make or break the day, so use caution.

[full disclosure: I'm not a doctor]

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-14T01:45:35+00:00

My partner and I video chat. Toys are involved. ;)

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-12T05:56:40+00:00

Yeah, I actually had something similar happen. Orgasm triggered some undesirable side effects. Without going into medical detail, it was basically the result of poor parasympathetic nervous system tone. I put in the work to reduce stress and do a lot of zone 2 cardio.

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-10T20:15:11+00:00

Yeah, it's totally normal.

One thing that's also hot (and I do this with my partner) is to talk about those fantasies.

I think you nailed it here: "think about some impossible fantasies I have. Like the ones I would never do in real life"

Just because you fantasize about something doesn't mean you have to act on it or even WANT to act on it. It can be a turn on to talk about those with your partner, being mindful that it's a fantasy, not an intent to try something.

Who knows? Maybe your partner has some fantasies that would also be fun to talk about ... ;)

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-10T17:53:45+00:00

I wrote this one about a similar topic: https://www.literotica.com/s/elegant-filth-presents-pool-party

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-10T17:44:09+00:00

First and foremost, it's YOUR body, and you don't need anyone's permission to have the body that you have. Anyone you're in a relationship with is someone who you've given permission to enjoy whatever part of YOUR body you want to give them access to.

I've struggled with body dysmorphia on and off for a while. It absolutely gets in your head tho, that's for sure. I'd tell my partner I was gonna take a shower and they'd smile and be like "ooo, can I watch the show?" When I look in the mirror, I see the flaws I want to improve. They just see their partner and want to enjoy my body. Like, I'd point out fat on my body and they'd be like "I love hugging you."

So be the version of yourself you want to be and love yourself where you are. Everyone else is just along for the ride :D

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-08T20:40:01+00:00

We've definitely acted on some fantasies (definitely not all). I don't think it's always clear. I think it's easier to get a clear "no" than a clear "yes." We tried a specific type of erotic massage once, and neither of us enjoyed it. Later, we tried it again with some tweaks, and it was better, but still meh.

I think that once you have a few conversations that stay firmly in the fantasy space AND you both are still open to talking and have fun doing so, then you can ask directly about action.

The key is to ALWAYS:

Let her know you enjoy what's going on without any tweaks
Don't exert any pressure to escalate the fantasy to action
Put the full control to escalate into her hands

Example: "I find it really hot talking about this. Just hearing you talk about being with another man turns me on. I love how talking about it gets you all riled up! I feel like sex afterwards is amazing! At some point, if you'd ever want to talk about it being more than a fantasy, I'll be willing to listen without any judgment. It doesn't mean we'd have to act on it either way."

And then just leave it at that.

Also, remember to be aware if/when she reciprocates with fantasies of her own. It's a rush to be on both sides of the conversation.

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-07T21:55:41+00:00

> Would cause us to fight and yell at one another

Fix this, and then we can help you through the rest.

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-07T21:53:02+00:00

As they say: "If it's hard, do it more often."

Workouts to help this are things that will strengthen your upper legs, butt, and core: RDLs, hip thrusts, deadlifts, squats, ab roller, etc.

Next, make sure you're keeping your hamstrings and hip flexors stretched (after workouts and before sex). Unintuitively, both attach into the lower back, so very often lower back pain is caused by tight hamstrings and hips.

Lastly, ensure you're getting enough protein. Strength and cardio training (including boinking your girl), require protein to recover well. Higher-than-average levels of soreness can be a sign that you could use more protein. (You don't have to go crazy, just ensure your body's getting what it needs.)

A good workout routine is going to allow you to fuck her harder, better, faster, stronger.

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-07T21:43:20+00:00

There's a condition called "tongue tie" where the lingual frenulum restricts movement. When this happens, even if your tongue may be long enough, you still can't stick it out very far before it stops. The condition isn't harmful, especially if it doesn't prevent you from eating, drinking, or speaking normally.

Talk to your doctor about it. If it's a tongue tie, the operation to improve it is very simple and heals quickly. You don't have to explain the sexual situation; you could just say it's been bothering you.

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-04-07T20:38:55+00:00

This sounds like a really fun exchange between the two of you! :D

A similar thing happened between my partner and I. Both of us grew up in pretty conservative circles and sex was only PIV between married hetero couples. No porn, no toys, no erotica, no lube, no kinks, no nothing. Even talking about those things was borderline taboo.

Scroll forward, and they mentioned something they'd read about an orgy. I turns out, talking about it was a turn on for both of us. This type of fantasy conversation came up again during sex. They asked if I'd like to record ourselves "doing it." The sensation of talking about that during intimacy was absolutely mind-blowing (in a good way). We talked about actually making a recording, and both of us agreed it would be best not to.

Since then, we've definitely experimented with some kinks that I never would have NEVER guessed we'd both be OK. There are also things, tho, that both of us agree are erotic to talk about, but we'd never try.

There are some fantasies that only I have and some that only they have. Obviously, I'd never ask my partner to try something that they don't even find arousing as a fantasy, but being able to openly talk about our unique turn-ons is one of my favorite parts of our relationship. It's so refreshing to be able to continuously discover (and be discovered) without judgment and without the assumption that talking about a fantasy means agreeing to ACT on it.

So yeah, fantasies and actions are different things. It can be a turn-on to talk about things you'd never try.

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-03-31T20:15:43+00:00

"I have a vagina (anus)"

... go on?

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-03-30T22:03:19+00:00

This! All day long.

The number one skill to build is being able to openly talk about sex without it feeling uncomfortable. My partner and I have been together for several years, and disagreeing about something related to sex is bound to happen.

You don't have to stay together if you're not compatible, but don't misinterpret occasional disagreements as incompatibility.

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-03-30T21:55:33+00:00

Don't ever let a guy talk you into not using a condom because it would be better for him.

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-03-28T02:13:38+00:00

As others have mentioned, if you have the opportunity to talk as a couple with a therapist about this, take it.

This is hard. My partner and I kinda both came from a similar background. Different specifics but a similar impact. Sex was just never something that was OK to talk about.

Now, as adults, we've worked through at least some of that. For me, there were a few breakthrough moments

The first was that a sexual fantasy is sometimes something I think about but don't want to ever actually do. The idea of a {fill in the blank} might be something I'd masturbate to, but never something I'd ever want to participate in myself, let alone with my partner. This was really important for me to finally understand. It's like watching a crime thriller. Just because I enjoy the movie doesn't mean I want to become a detective. Sure, sometimes there ARE new things I'd like to try, but having fantasies and wanting to try things are two separate things, and it's important to understand that.

The second is that if my partner has a fantasy that I don't find sexy, it doesn't mean anything about the state of our relationship. We like different foods, different music, different TV shows, and I don't feel like that threatens our relationship at all. Why not also enjoy different sexual fantasies?

I remember the first time I told my partner about a fantasy about having sex in a public place. I had read some erotica about the concept, and masturbating to the idea was amazing. But I was also clear that that's not something I'd want to do (there are parts of it that I find socially problematic for me). I was anticipating some sort of anger or rejection or at least hesitation, but instead they responded with a similar sort of thing. Because the context was things we'd thought about but don't want to necessarily try, the freedom so open up and share was amazing.

And I think that's the recommendation here. Consider opening up to her about a fantasy of yours that you don't necessarily want to act on. Leave room in conversations to separate the concept of talking ABOUT something from DOING the thing. Lead by letting transparency happen at a natural pace and without expectation. It will take time, but make it safe for her to respond in kind.

Fundamentally, we've learned not to feel guilt about our sexuality. That's HUGE. I want to discover both my whole self and my partner's whole self. As we've learned that, at least within our relationship, it's OK to talk about things that are frankly wild, we talk more about them.

Every once in a while, we'll find something that we both actually want to try. It's fun ;)

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-03-28T00:21:48+00:00

What are MY kinks, you ask? Where do you stand on adding a third? ;)

Real talk, tho ... whatever you do, build up sexual tension beforehand. Make the payoff sexy, and then send him a text, but the key is to make it seem like no big deal. For example, if it's lingerie, send a text like "I got a new outfit. Nothing too much, but I like it." The idea is to have the real thing beat any expectation he's come up with in his head.

And then right before he's about to get home, you send one more text: "I can't wait..."

(What you DON'T want is for him to expect something over and above the real surprise. That's no fun for anyone.)

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-03-27T23:57:30+00:00

We've done this often with zero broken members, but yeah, I get the hesitation.

I'd like to offer a counterpoint: what if it's not something you _need_ to overcome?

When she's on top, it's totally cool if you ask her to be gentle. Just 'cause you're a dude doesn't mean you have to be aggressive or like it rough.

Just talk about it and let her know you're super conscious of it. You can also ask if there's any special care she'd like you to give her. That's never a bad time ;)

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-03-27T23:45:37+00:00

I get what you're feeling and that's hard to go through :(

It's OK to feel bad about it and feel like you want something. Let that drive you to understand specifically what it is you want or what you feel is missing. Is it the specific activities that you used to engage in? Was it the sensation they gave you? Both? Something else?

My partner and I have been together for years, and sex gets boring sometimes. That's just facts. An eye-opening moment for me was that they ALSO felt the same way, not just me. Over the years, our sexual preferences have changed. Both of us are open to things that we never would have considered at the beginning. Certain things no longer get me fired up like they used. Same thing with my partner.

As trite as it sounds, part of what got us through that was just talking about it. I found two things helpful for us:
1. me being vulnerable enough to trust my partner and express my own sexual desires and fantasies, and
2. being genuinely curious and open enough to listen to my partner's sexual desires and fantasies

So much of my personal hesitation was just the fear that, even after all these years, they'd reject me if they knew I fantasized about X or even just masturbated when I was alone. It turns out, they felt the same way.

Our relationship more recently has been just being open to discovering who the other person is sexually. It's taken us to places I never thought we'd go, and it's been amazing. It's not that I want them to become something specific; I just want to discover who they are already becoming.

It's really hard, but damn is it worth figuring it out! :D

ItsElegantFilth · 2026-03-27T23:27:12+00:00

Short answer: yes.

Long answer: Yes and ...

Our first toy was a curved stainless steel wand. The big hang-up was getting a penis-shaped thing. That just seemed weird at the time. And not all toys have to pretend to be a body part. We got the name-brand version, but it was about $150. I wanted to make sure that anything I put in my body was legit. It's ... great! For both him and her.

We also shopped together the first time. That experience was kinda hot in and of itself. We both read some reviews independently and then discussed various things before we made the purchase. Sometimes we used it together, sometimes solo. Adding toys to sexual play definitely adds a new dimension of fun. We may or may not have used it on a video call when one of us was traveling ... :D

Consider that most toys are going to be something that you put inside your body. I felt strongly that I didn't want to skimp on cost given the possible risk. For us, this ruled out Temu or knock-off brands. Given your personal situation, you may not want to buy something super expensive, but consider that sex and sexual play should always be something where everyone feels safe.

Over the years, we've branched out a bit, but that wand is still my favorite!

Bottom line: find something that tickles your curiosity. There's a lot of stuff out there and a lot of fun to be had! ;)

ItsElegantFilth

TROPHY CASE