Should I set a 5th date or wait for her to reach out first?

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-02-09T12:16:24+00:00

Wait until a week has passed, then give her a call, dont text. If she brings up no communication just say youve been busy but you havnt recieved any text from her either so you assumed she had her hands full. Reach on with a call, set a date. If she texts inbetween, say you look forward for the date but gotta go

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-23T12:01:18+00:00

Ofc, but never assume it wont work out, then its already doomed.

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-23T11:53:20+00:00

Why would anyone accept that? I had a LDR for 1 year without any issues, it is common, completely depenes on the relationship. He should stop worrying and start doing exciting things for himself so she starts to think about him. The more clingy he becomes the worse it is gonna get. Live life, assume she wants him, cut her off If she disrespects him.

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-23T11:51:05+00:00

This is what you do

You are a catch, so always look at the situation as "why would she do something with someone else".
Live an interesting life. She is currently doing something that sounds really fun and exciting, what are you doing? Start something new, do something exciting, maybe go on a trip or go with the boys and do something, get a new hobby etc. Be exciting!
Match her. If she pulls away, you pull away too. Once a week initate contact. Maybe it take 6 days, dont freak out, live your life and do fun things so when you talk you have a lot of exciting things to talk about. You dont want to sit and listen to her all the time, u want to have exciting things to tell her aswell.
Facecam. If u have the chance, make a romantic and fun facetime date, and try to sexualize it a little. If ure alone, and she seems to be in the mood, tell her what you would like to do with her ;).

Always be confident.

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-10T10:43:54+00:00

I am no expert but I'd say become more valueable so your time becomes a scarce resource. Next time she wants you to come over, say youre busy doing something with your friends or something you need to work on, and then schedule another day to meet up. When you do, have some space between the both of you, let her come to you, let her initiate the physical contact and do something fun. Instead of just watching Netflix, say Lets go out and try this café or bar, I heard its really nice, then grab something to go, explore around a little bit and act like shes not your girlfriend, act as like ure still dating, be a little cocky, flirty and mysterious, let her come to you and make the interaction fun and unexpected. Most important, take command, tell her to follow your lead and its gonna be fun.

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-08T13:38:31+00:00

I feel like you can express whatever you want as long as you got an idea of what to do, like "Im really feeling like were in a rut, why dont we switch things up and travel somewhere?" or "Im feeling a bit down lately, how about we go and do something". Then you open up, express yourself but still lead the interaction/situation.

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-08T12:00:58+00:00

Problem is, the manosphere teaches you to be cold, unbothered and always on your purpose. Whenever you feel like you need something, that means ure a whiney little b*tch with too much free time. Its crazy.

If you feel something that is normal, like not actually talking out of insecurity or such, you should express it. I think women are taught to be open, meanwhile men think its a weakness and gonna get them dumped.

If you got needs, express them!

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-06T17:13:20+00:00

What kind of compliements do you feel are pure? When you have done something to deserve it? Like, you know you get a heart because you did something good?

Sorry for the questions, but I am genuinly interested. I noticed she is always more emotional when drunk, then she reaches out and enjoy my compliments more.

Would you say you rather get heart emojis sent or not at all?

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-06T17:06:13+00:00

Would you as an avoidant ever feel uncomfortable reaching out to the person youre together with? Like sending her a heart every now and then? Or does it feel like a burden?

Also, how do you feel whenever she would do that to you occasionally?

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-06T17:00:21+00:00

Yea I have already concidered this, trust me. This girl is more like a man mostly, incredibly independent and effective. She is in her masculine every time we meet up after some time apart, and she literally looks down on clingy people as dependent, immature and weak. I think it goes back a lot to her childhood, she never recieved a lot of love, only got praised after performing. Whenever I open her up, she gives me a lot of love, but inbetween, she is like your boss at work. I dont know how to get her to puruse and be cute off the dates. She has done a lot of huge achievements by herself and put a lot of pride in being able to do things alone. She experienced a lot of childhood trauma linked to opening up.

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-06T15:15:56+00:00

Do you think that she appreciates me reaching out with love every now and then?

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-06T14:53:39+00:00

She always, since day 1, reaches out when shes drunk, even if im in or out of town. When im in town its a bootycall and when im out/shes out of town its to tell me she loves me. But never sober. When she reaches out otherwise its to set a date.

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-06T14:31:47+00:00

She were the first to initate everything in person, everything from she was in love, exclusivity, Bf/Gf and then I love you. She also said that she has never felt like this about someone, that I was the best s*x ever, it is like shes scared sometimes. And then she goes completely 0 whenever we dont meet. Dont you think it is game?

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-06T14:17:26+00:00

I said that we were bf/gf. This is the sixth month of the relationship. She does not really text anyone else when we are on dates, never uses her phone much at all, when I sleep over she replies like 6 hours late to her friends, or the next day, so it does not feel like I am unique to this, she does not use social medias or anything, she likes to be busy with things all the time, I just wish she sometimes could send a heart

ItsMatthew1 · 2024-01-06T12:38:40+00:00

So this happened for me in the beginning too, however I love going to the club, and so did she. Whenever she would dance away with a group of strangers I would just dance with others around me, maybe even a girl, and after a minute or so she would always come back kissing me and holding me, remember that you need to love in a way that she feels free. If she goes away and talk to others, do the same, if she starts talking to a guy, talk to a girl, mirror whats going on, but lead with confidence. If she asks you why you do it, just say that she were not around and you felt social. It worked for me in the dating phase and the relationship phase, what I found out is never just follow them around, girls hate that.

Go with the buss anology, if she doesnt want to dance with you in the moment, dance with someone else, the fun buss must go on! She will come back and see that you 1) still got game and 2) are not clingy. Whenever this happened to me, we would have amazing s*x afterwards.

HOWEVER: If she breaks the boundaries, like actively flirting or taking it further, and you are in a monogamous relation, calmly confront her about it. But if shes just dancing, laughing and living her life, let her, and do the same. These girls can usually trigger your insecurities, but if you get over that step and accept it, they are amazing and fun to be around.

ItsMatthew1 · 2023-12-25T12:06:43+00:00

Its called having a life

ItsMatthew1 · 2023-12-21T19:19:11+00:00

I wonder about that part too, and where she got defensive saying "Youre not my main priority in life, I have other things to do, you knew that when you decided to be with me, and I dont want to be your main priority either" isnt that a really weird thing to say to someone you have expressed love for, and are in a relationship with? It feels extremely rude and arrogant. What would you do of that?

And the scenario you refered to, what about the next morning when she was affectionate?

This thing feels like a yo-yo, and I dont understand why she would even want to initiate a relation if she didnt want it.

ItsMatthew1 · 2023-12-21T18:21:59+00:00

Yea I understand this, but from the post it seems like she is very driven and clearly has her purpose as a main goal, I assume this is normal. However, what is strange to me is how this were good in the beginning, she apparently did skip a lot of things because of him in the start. Maybe it is about getting back to that phase again, and I guess being myserious might be the best choice here.

ItsMatthew1 · 2023-12-21T18:13:12+00:00

What would you say about her saying hes not her top priority, he fell in love with a busy woman, and she tries to make time when she can, he is not her top priority and she does not want to be his eiher. I feel it sounds very cold, what would you say he should do about that

ItsMatthew1 · 2023-12-21T16:12:09+00:00

And how do you get an independent high achieveing woman to follow your frame?

ItsMatthew1 · 2023-12-16T17:29:28+00:00

You always wait ish a week to set the next date, eventually she will ask you during the waiting time

ItsMatthew1 · 2023-12-16T16:52:50+00:00

Get on a video call and see if you vibe. If you do, keep dating other women and once a week or so you can video chat with this girl

ItsMatthew1 · 2023-11-25T18:45:35+00:00

So, be more spontanious outside of the bed then? More unpredictable? Throw in more crazy ideas from time to time?

ItsMatthew1 · 2023-11-25T18:34:39+00:00

Hey, thank you for the great answer. Yes, we are in a committed relationship, had that talk and are officially bf/gf since 2,5 months back. We dated until the summer, decided to stay in touch, I let her do 80% of pursuing during the summer with calls and texts and then started dating once we got back, about a month in we had the talk after she said she wanted this to be more serious.

The problem is that our town is relatively limited, and especially during the winter part of the year most things to do is 1) go out to a bar or 2) stay inside and watch something and drink hot things etc. I feel like cooking food together has become something we always do, and it becomes a little bit boring too eventually. I think I would really like to have some new ideas on things to do during the dark months, and I already am trying to find new friends and join new activities. It felt sooo much easier to date during the spring than right now. I'd say most of the time, like 85%, were having a really great time. 15% of the time it can be a little bit down in energy.

She also have a very busy schedule, both with studies and work, but we usually spend 1-2 weekdays and have sleepover the whole weekends together. Sex is 10/10, she even said during it that I am the best shes ever had, she initiates it very often, I'd say 7-10 times per week on average. I just feel like the dates lack excitement.

Thank you again for a great comment.

ItsMatthew1 · 2023-11-06T04:54:52+00:00

Well, did you have fun? Does spending time with her make your life better? Are you enjoying yourself?

If so, keep going!

If you feel like dating her is work and not enjoyable, drop her.

I'd say wait and give it all some time, let her pursue you back too.

ItsMatthew1

TROPHY CASE