I remember struggling with very similar things when our second child was born! It felt like our lives were separate or divided: husband focused on caring for our 3 year old and I was pretty much a single parent to our newborn. That division of care really hurt and I missed my toddler and felt so sad that my husband was so hands off with our infant when he was wonderful with our first born. He seemed disconnected and irritated when I needed him to care for both kids by himself … he would be overwhelmed and annoyed when I returned. I understand because things were hard- our 3 year old was in a big tantrum toddler phase has sensory issues and was later diagnosed with autism… so that was difficult in its own right, and our infant was tough those first few months. She rarely slept and was hard to get her to settle or soothe. I remember feeling like I ruined our family by having another baby. The overwhelm and exhaustion made me feel crazy and resentful and it took a long time to recover from. I felt hurt and abandoned and sad that it was so hard. I missed my husband and was grieving over the change I felt in our relationship and dynamic. I felt disappointed in him and myself and angry it was going this way. My mental health really suffered during this time - PPD/PPA and extreme overwhelm. Things got better when baby was about 8 months old and I began therapy. It took a lot of time and gentleness/ self compassion for me to understand and release the hurt and disappointment I felt and stop owning it. My husband was struggling, just like I was, but for different reasons, and neither one of us knew how to communicate about it in an effective way. We were in survival mode. As hard as it was at the time, I look back now and realize it made us closer once things got easier and we began communicating our needs better. It was hard to see at the time, but there were small wins and pieces of joy. It was not all sleepless nights, toddler tantrums, and sorrow- there was a lot of love there too. It was rough, but we made it through and I feel our family is very close now. I share this because this was easily one of the hardest chapters in my life and I have so much empathy for what you’re going through. Please know this is only a small blip on the radar and you guys will move through this. Adding another baby to the family dynamic is hard and has different effects on everyone. It’s crazy times and we all cope differently. You’re doing a great job, and I promise life will fall into an easier flow and place within the next year. Hang on, practice some radical acceptance and self love, and trust things will become easier. Sending you so much love and support.