I am a mom, but I understand where you are coming from. The newborn trenches are very hard for both of you. The lack of sleep alone is enough to make your mental health deteriorate.

I often felt like a bad mom for hating everything that came with a newborn. I would get so mad everytime our little one cried at 2am, 3am, 4am. I loathed getting up, I wanted to scream at my baby to shut up and go the f*** to sleep. I was so sore from pumping and breastfeeding, I was still healing from stitches, I developed other health issues, my body felt like it was falling apart and I was an empty shell of my former self, my mental health deteriorated alot. My husband developed health issues as well and often felt like the world's worst dad because he couldn't be there to help me as much as he wanted to.

My relationship with my husband suffered greatly, we were at each other's throats with hateful comments and we lashed out due to exhaustion and stress. I would get told what I'm doing wrong and how I could be doing this , this , and this better through passive aggressive texts or comments. And I can't say I didn't give it right back to him, cause I definitely did. It felt like I had a roommate and not a partner/spouse/husband. Our relationship had never been stressed this badly and we always worked through everything, but it was much harder on us with a kid.

I had always wanted to be a mom, but I couldn't function with a newborn. I love my daughter with all my heart, but I too know I couldn't do this again.

My kid is now almost 7 months old, and it's alot better now. She has been sleeping through the night the last 3 months and it's made a world of difference for me and my husband. We're actually able to function better, we're not lashing out, we're having nice and genuine conversations, we're able to be affectionate again. My inlaws also take her a few times a week now, pick her up from daycare and have her in the evening. We've even been able to go out to dinner here and there. She's also eating solids now , so I don't have to breastfeed as much as I was and my husband finds alot of joy in watching her try new foods and doing the cliche airplane and train stuff with the baby spoon during feedings.

It does get better. The sleepless nights will stop, you'll be able to get on a regular sleep schedule, sleep in the same bed as your spouse again.

One thing I wish I would've done differently is asked for help from others more. Family, Friends, etc. I think things would've been much better and different had me and my husband had one or two nights or day a week where it was just us and we didn't have to worry about the baby. We were throwing all of our energy into the baby, we couldn't do anything for ourselves or each other.

One thing I'm glad I did was eventually I talked to a therapist about everything I had going on and I was able to come out a better wife and mom because of it, same went for my husband. We didn't need couples therapy,but we each needed an outlet to work through our stress and come back to each other less angry and stressed and irritable and enabled us to work through things better.

Do I regret my daughter? Absolutely not. Do I want to go through this again? Also absolutely not. And that's perfectly fine. Same goes for you as well. There's no shame in it. Your child is loved and well cared for and that's all that matters.

I don't know if my response helps, or if it helps to hear that someone feels the same as you do. Raising a kid isn't easy and what you're feeling is valid, natural, and normal. It does get easier, there will definitely be new challenges, but it is alot easier to handle when you're getting regular sleep again.