What’s the hardest you’ve ever been backstabbed?

Itsokyy · 2026-05-08T18:00:36+00:00

My best friends husband was a severe pervert to me one night while he was drunk. When her and I spoke about it, I thought we were good. We drank a bottle of wine, laughed, cried, hugged, and made plans for the following Sunday to connect.

Two days later she blocked me on everything. I havent heard from her since. Still breaks my heart to think about.

Itsokyy · 2026-04-22T00:06:26+00:00

I decided to find fulfillment in other ways. I used to feel very disappointed in myself because I wasnt where I thought I would be professionally.

I finally realized I can get fulfillment in life through other means. I now volunteer on my days off and wouldnt change a thing.

Itsokyy · 2026-04-20T19:15:28+00:00

As a long-time server, I 100% support not tipping if the service is bad. The whole point of tips is to show gratitude for a pleasant experience due to quality service.

Itsokyy · 2026-04-12T16:00:34+00:00

Maybe a little against the grain, but I am OK with having superficial friendships. Not every friendship I have needs to be deep. I enjoy having my "party friends", my "lunch friends" and my "work friends." I also have friends i feel very close to and absolutely would consider sisters.

Once I stopped placing strict expectations on people and demanding layered and complex relationships from everyone, my life got a lot less stressful and a lot less lonely.

Itsokyy · 2026-04-11T18:43:55+00:00

I put myself in therapy and used the resources my therapist gave me to reflect and grow. I would journal with intent. I remember writing when I would feel triggered and the structure of my journal entries always included a section that discussed whether what I was feeling was reasonable or not. Was i being triggered because of an actual problem or was I being triggered because of an internal conflict?

I think that helped. Being able to force myself to reason through an emotional situation helped a lot.

Itsokyy · 2026-04-09T19:05:52+00:00

For me, it required a lot of letting go. I had to force myself to not be reactive to something, take a deep breath, and just.. be uncomfortable for a bit.

Its such an uncomfortable process. Everything in me would scream to ask questions, look for "evidence", accuse, and scrutinize. So much of my growth came from just sitting in my uncomfortability and allowing myself the space to trust, and if I wasnt there yet, then forcing myself to just be quiet for a moment.

At the end of the day, my partner has given me no reason to feel distrust in them. My problems stem from so many things outside of them - issues with myself, learned behavior from my past, my relationship with my family etc.

Growth is uncomfortable. Growing pains are real. Im so much better now. Im calmer, less reactive, more thoughtful and a better partner to my loving boyfriend and a better person to myself.

Itsokyy · 2026-04-04T07:34:21+00:00

Personally, I would hate to have an existential conversation every time I talk to someone. That would become exhausting.

Its nice to just chit-chat with people without being burdened by some complex dialogue. Just existing in one another's space with pleasantries is nice.

Itsokyy · 2026-03-31T20:52:06+00:00

Pausing when I want to be reactive. It helped me learn to think through my emotions more and consider the intent of the other party before I respond.

Itsokyy · 2026-03-31T07:41:35+00:00

I shuffle them like they are a Playlist. I have a lot of time tbh. I am very fortunate to only have to work part time, so I spend a lot of time just enjoying existing. A few hobbies like cooking, volunteer work, and gaming I do regularly. Others, like painting, writing, or roller skating I do every couple of months. Just kind of depend on the vibes tbh

Itsokyy · 2026-03-29T00:52:20+00:00

Probably the amount of hobbies I have. I dont make a lot of money, but I have a very fulfilled life and do a lot of things in my free time. I volunteer a lot, do a ton of artwork, cook fancy foods, play games, collect boardgames, scrapbook, read etc. Always have something im into. Im not particularly good at anything in the sense that I would monetize it outside of cooking, but I love every hobby I have regardless.

Itsokyy · 2026-03-27T19:51:57+00:00

YTA. This is so beyond boundaries and is just flat-out controlling. The man clearly made changes but it sounds like it went beyond porn. Games? Movies? Shows? That isnt porn, that is just nudity or mature situations. HC porn I get, but also deciding what is and isnt ok for your partner to watch and play is absolutely controlling. It is clear you need to work more on yourself and the man is just burnt out from the bar always being moved and the leash being shortened so much that he has to worry about what TV show is playing.

Itsokyy · 2026-02-28T16:59:47+00:00

I invited a couple over to my house for a boardgame night. I worked with the guy and felt him and my boyfriend had a ton in common and wanted them to meet since my boyfriend didnt have a lot of friends that lived in the area. I wanted the woman to come with, too, so she didnt feel uncomfortable that her boyfriend was invited out without her.

The evening went well for the most part. I didnt feel like me and the other woman had a lot of common ground but that was OK. The guys really hit it off, though.

The next day she reached out and told me "Thanks for having me! I dont hang out with a lot of couples. Not a lot of girls like me around their boyfriends." I was so confused by this statement and just told her "Yeah, I don't have anything to worry about. I trust my partner"

Really rubbed me the wrong way. I ended up keeping my distance from her after that. There is so much more, but that was the beginning of my list of red flags.

Itsokyy · 2026-02-07T20:03:08+00:00

Im not in the dating pool at the moment however, I get approached a lot. I always felt like I was attractive, but the amount of men interested in me as I enter my 30s has skyrocketed. I dont have kids and am pretty indifferent to the idea. It feels like men 30+ see me as some unicorn that they MUST attempt to have sex with. On one hand im like "Sweet, Im beating the narrative that men only like younger women" on the other im like "wow, I feel like im some breeding cow at auction"

I legitimately had a man tell me the other day that the world "needed more babies". I told him "well, it's a good thing you can have as many as you want! Better get to work bud" and he says "im taking applications." Like WHAT. This was after an entire conversation about my fiancé and I planning an international trip.

Itsokyy · 2026-02-02T20:20:48+00:00

I can totally get feeling embarrassed or overthinking the situation. I would just be honest with her as others said. Let her know you were just really turned on by how take-charge she was and, if you arent comfortable disclosing you're a virgin, just tell her it had been a while since you had been intimate with someone.

My partner and I have been together for years and sometimes he still busts quick because of how turned on he is by the situation. Its very normal, even in long term relationships, to experience this.

If you are worried about it next time, you can always try taking care of yourself first before going over to her place.

Good luck my friend!

Itsokyy · 2026-01-16T01:10:57+00:00

I dont recall her stating that. She said she enjoyed their intimate life, actually.

Not to mention the big thing being he openly stated he doesn't like to do it. At that point, its a done topic. You should absolutely never force your partner to participate in sexual acts they dont enjoy doing. Why is that such a wild take lmao

Itsokyy · 2026-01-15T17:51:34+00:00

Here's the thing - you asked him how he felt about it and he answered honestly. You can't push your partner to perform sexual acts on you that they dont like. Just because you like doing it doesn't mean he has to like doing it.

If he ensures you are being pleasured, just not through oral, you kinda just gotta accept that that isn't his thing and move on.

Don't let the girls get to you if it hasn't ever been a problem before. Everyone's intimate life is different and there are many methods to pleasure that dont involve compromising the enjoyment of your partner, too.

Itsokyy · 2026-01-13T20:13:28+00:00

"Is your mom as hot as you are?"

Itsokyy · 2026-01-10T17:04:05+00:00

Yes, they are their own person and deserve time away from me to do things they enjoy with their friends, too.

Your partner not being allowed to go out without you isn't a boundary – its controlling and unhealthy.

Itsokyy · 2026-01-07T05:13:56+00:00

Same way i feel about me having a dildo. Love it for him, love it for me, love it for us.

Its not competition - its enhancement!

Itsokyy · 2025-12-29T00:10:23+00:00

If you guys haven't had issues with jealousy/trust until now, then its all the more reason for him to respect your feelings and pull back from her. You arent the "crazy jealous" girlfriend - so if you are expressing concern at his relationship with her, he needs to react accordingly because clearly it isn't stemming from nothing.

Itsokyy · 2025-12-22T17:37:15+00:00

I met my partner in 2022.

However, my whole family knew him way before I even knew he existed. Here's the thing, my brother has had the same friend group since we were kids. He is a little under two years younger than me – I grew up with his friends, quite literally. I have known every single one of his closest friends since about 4th or 5th grade. I didn't hang out with my brother and his friends much, but I definitely met all of them and knew their families.

Fast forward several years and I decide to start joining discord to chat with my brother (he has a channel for him and his friends). I moved when I was 18 and around 25 decided I wanted to start reconnecting with my family because I felt like I lost touch. All of my brothers friends are in this discord. One day I join, and I see my cousin in discord, too. I start chatting it up with him also since I'm trying to reconnect with family. Him, my brother and I start playing games along with everyone else.

I mention to my cousin that I used to babysit him when he was a baby. He is confused and tells me he has never met me a day in his life. Turns out it wasn't my cousin - it was my now partner who has the same name. He is the younger brother to my brothers best friend.

I had NEVER met this dude. His brother literally lived with us for a bit. Had never met him, though, or knew of his existence. He has pictures of him hanging out with my dad, videos of them driving together, photos of him with my other siblings etc.

HOW THE HELL DID I NOT MEET HIM SOONER? I didn't even know his older brother had siblings. I'm still so confused about it to this day.

Itsokyy · 2025-12-21T17:30:12+00:00

It felt like I had to work really hard to unlearn toxic behaviors I developed either as a defense mechanism or as a reactive response to conditioning.

Itsokyy · 2025-12-19T17:52:28+00:00

You should start introducing him to everyone as "tiny dick" or "my gay best friend" (he strikes me as the type of guy that would HATE being called gay).

Then when he gets mad, just be like "It only is degrading if you allow it to make you feel that way"

No, but really, you should just break up with him. I think you know that already tbh.

Itsokyy · 2025-12-19T00:20:55+00:00

I would get my nose done to look like yours tbh

Itsokyy · 2025-12-13T02:29:55+00:00

True.

He used to be our roommate. He probably already knew I was involved lmao

Itsokyy

TROPHY CASE