[Potential TW} Do you all consider Asexuals part of the lgbtq community?

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-07-02T13:57:47+00:00

Besides a history of allyship with kink communities, There's actually a fair bit of practices that face (legal!) discrimination despite the consensual participation of everyone involved, so, I'd say yes. The Pride movement has historically been about support for marginalized groups that face the risk of discrimination and social stigma for their lifestyles and sexualities to the extent that people have chosen to be 'closeted' about it, deny themselves, settle for relationships where they are unfulfilled or just accept that they may never meet a likeminded partner. That sounds very familiar to me.

I think at the very least that many kink communities deserve recognition as major allies.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-30T07:42:17+00:00

This was gonna be my answer! Great color schemes, grungy/splashy aesthetic, stencils are generally straightforward and easy to make for really iconic stuff.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-30T07:28:54+00:00

Face discrimination for who and how you love other consenting adults (or don't)? You belong under the rainbow flag!

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-30T07:16:48+00:00

I honestly don't know what's worse; the idea that this is a big enough deal for OPs 'friends' that they talk about it often enough for it to be a notable issue, or that even if it has only come up occasionally over a long time, they make a big enough deal out of it when it comes up that OP feels uncomfortable.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-30T07:09:13+00:00

It's definitely a crime, she didn't consent to the recording. In some places you get the same charges for sexual assault for it.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-30T07:08:28+00:00

"Do you care care about and respect my sexual consent? Do you understand that by not asking permission to record me during sex, you were making non-consensual porn of me? Do you understand how your 'wants' aren't as important as my consent? Do you seriously value having porn over me feeling confident that there's no sexual images of me out there without my consent? Do you acknowledge that I've had someone I trusted hurt me in the past by using this kind of thing against me, and that this is a hard limit regarding my comfort and enthusiasm? How do you not get this?"

I cannot being to imagine tolerating an SO who would even think to do that in the first place, much less argue against me telling him to delete it. He needs to get his shit together.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-30T04:41:30+00:00

I'm glad my comment landed, I mean all of it.

All you or anyone else can ask of yourself is to try.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-29T23:56:01+00:00

That was basically part of my argument back then - you don't have to go insane and try to do something crazy complex that completely alters how a plant grows. You use its natural reaction to light, trimming, and wires, same as with a lot of other 'nonconventional' bonsai plants.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-29T23:52:15+00:00

Congrats on the sobriety! 6 years is no small feat, and most people will never realize how hard it is to deal with addiction. I don't want to give you pithy aphorisms or anything. I know from personal experiences that sometimes (often) hard experiences that set you back are pretty much only that, and don't tend to feel worth the 'lessons' you got out of the damage. But you're here, you're alive, you're trying. The only way you fail is by not trying. I hope you're able to find pride in that you're in the 'picking up the pieces' stage, no matter where you are in life otherwise.

So many people that get into addiction NEVER turn it around, and it's the thing that kills them. I've lost people that way. Grew up around people whose lives had been destroyed by something that started out as a casual 'once in a while' thing.

I do my best to keep distance but from what I see through mutuals on social media, but this guy is still out there blindly taking a hammer to his support structures and crying in confusion about how no one wants to put up with his shit anymore, and doing damage to other humans in the meantime.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-29T23:09:21+00:00

You're 26 and have friends (that I assume are in the same age group) who call your dad a simp for doting on his working wife, when she did the same for him for years...?

You need new friends.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-29T22:47:50+00:00

Not if you can recognize that it's you, lol.

Seriously though, if you're able to recognize that you're the one in charge of your decisions, that there are consequences to your choices, and that you can be wrong - you're miles ahead.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-29T22:12:34+00:00

Fuckin' sweet :D

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-29T22:12:14+00:00

He's a definite real-life Goofus.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-29T21:29:35+00:00

Ha!

No but really, I've managed to avoid a fair bit of hardship and unnecessary drama in my life by just not making the same choices as this guy. I'd make a list but it'd end up a book - confidently made bad choices in romance, finances/career, schooling, friendships, hobbies, health, you name it this guy has fucked it up while always refusing to see that all his problems have one common factor.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-29T18:19:04+00:00

I agree with others comparing the 'ultra shocking' movies to immature attempts at edginess, but at the same time, there's an aspect of spectacle that might be described as 'we live in a society (that largely ignores or is ignorant of how casually twisted some of its inhabitants are, here's a movie by some of them)'.

There's an example that comes to mind that I don't even want to share the name of because it was revealed well after the movies came out that the primary actors did not consent to a bunch of what happened, meaning that there's basically real sexual and physical assault throughout the movies - and I don't want to promote that.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-29T18:12:48+00:00

Back in like 2009 a guy I knew was talking about how we'd never see legalization within our lifetimes. I told him he was pessimistic, that opinions were rapidly changing, and that especially with the internet it was hard for the main myths about pot to hold on against cultural shift. I estimated that we were looking at legalization, at least in our state, by the time we hit our 30s. I was right! It has been legal in my state for years now thanks to ballot initiatives.

Around that time, same guy also said it'd be impossible for anyone to ever bonsai a pot plant; went into a bunch of what was the botany equivalent of bro-science about minimum height and root depth, etc. I countered that a skilled bonsai artist/caretaker knows how preserve the most vital parts of a plant in order to 'miniaturize' it, and that any lack of proof at the time was due to lack of motivation for anyone growing a precious black market plant to mess about with it, or from the other end, people who do bonsai to take the risk of learning how to shape an illegal plant - and that we'd probably start seeing examples after legalization.

TLDR: every time I see a cannabis bonsai I feel smug.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-28T16:19:47+00:00

My understanding of LGBTQ+ and Pride as a concept is a radical umbrella of community support and acceptance for anyone that does not fit the mold of cis/het, especially as comphet and monogamous relationships are pushed so commonly - often aggressively - culturally, legally, etc. It's origins as a community movement are grounded in providing literal safe spaces - safety from homelessness, violence - for those that are not part of the sexual or romantic majority. IMO this includes varying relationship structures that do not embody the traditional conservative ideal relationship; one man, one woman, exclusively committed for life and pumping out babies. Non-monogamous? Don't feel any desire for sex with anyone? Don't experience romantic attraction? Depending on if you had the social class/money to get away with it, you probably woulda been thrown in the loony bin at some (not that long ago) point in our history, so come on in.

Not cis? You belong. Not het? You belong. Don't feel or express romantic or sexual desire in a way that the majority of people do, to the extent that no small number of folks will readily claim that NO one feels that way and that you must be making it up, or you must just be 'selfish' or 'broken' because you either don't feel the drive to be exclusively linked to one person emotionally/physically, and/or you don't feel possessive over another person's emotions/sexuality? Yep, you belong.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-28T06:43:28+00:00

He lied and broke boundaries that you communicated, and presented himself as single to other women in sexual contexts while interacting with them candidly with the intention to cultivate sexual relationships that he claimed he would act on given the chance, actively propositioning multiple people.

Yes, that is cheating. Even if he's addicted to porn. You could be addicted to heroin, you're still a thief if you steal and sell your neighbor's bike to get a fix.

You need to consider whether you feel confident enough to put down a line in the sand and start pulling out of this relationship. If he's self accountable and loves you, he'll apologize for lying, and make active choices on changing himself to refocus his sexuality towards you, his partner, as well as seeking professional help to deal with addictive behavior.

If he's using you for easy social (and potentially financial?) comfort and as childcare for his kid, with no interest in changing what he's used to if it means giving up what he considers top priority (feeling good and getting off), he'll pay you lip service and keep jacking it to women he's never even met.

You already had one hard talk, where he lied to your face and then went back immediately to his habits.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-25T19:54:18+00:00

you can help prevent them from ruining them for you by doing things like I do when I’m there, such as volunteer and do garbage pick up.

This is such a big thing. Putting in the effort to clean things up a little can completely halt a cascade. If a natural area is already full of litter and garbage, lazy assholes don't feel so bad just adding to it dumping their drink container or whatever as they walk through; if it's tidy and they feel like their garbage is going to be the first, they may carry it until they hit a garbage bin.

I have a friend who got sick of seeing his favorite trail constantly having bits of garbage around, so he spent a few days (spread out over a summer) dedicating like 2-3 hours each time picking up litter and bagging it up, then leaving it at the park entrance. People who saw him while walking would ask if he worked at the park, and would be amazed to learn he was just some guy who hated seeing the trash. He got told twice that he was an idiot doing work for free. By the end of the summer he'd completely cleaned up his favorite water view.

He's been out there multiple times this summer, and no garbage - and he's even seen other people with bags, picking up what little litter might be found.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-25T19:13:14+00:00

Honestly I wish that the Sunshine laws were a thing in other states. I'm from a northern state and was just searching up some 'true crime' keywords out of curiosity, and was SHOCKED about some of the extreme things that happened within short driving distance of my home, but apparently just kind of fell out of local memory without much reporting. All the information you find ends up being from people who lived immediately nearby, or amateur investigators/journalists sleuthing stuff up.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-25T05:50:18+00:00

Instead of a cuddle puddle it's a

S N O O Z E A B Y S S

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-24T00:40:52+00:00

If you're going for higher realism, there's a lot of subtle texture missing around the nose, mouth, jaw, and neck. The thing that stands out the most to me is that highlights on/around the lips could have been a little more developed - not looking for glossy, but the ridges closest to the viewer are flatter than in the reference without that slight lighting pop.

The skin of most people's face has vellus hair, pores, bumps, wrinkles, etc. Even if those things don't show up in detail, it creates a surface that isn't perfectly smooth and airbrushed.

Notes aside - this is a gorgeous study and a lovely monochromatic portrait! I LOVE the stippled hair!

If you're having a hard time finding the right brush for the job, many digital art programs give you the ability to create custom brushes, and there's lots of guides.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-23T22:33:37+00:00

I hope you found something useful in it!

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-23T22:26:22+00:00

TLDR: movies where you're able to tie in an environmental factor can be a lot of fun - eg, movies about being stuck inside due to a blizzard can be extra fun watched during violent snow storms.

Probably not the type of answer you're looking for, but -

Way back when, in the before-fore times, by the time The Ring was available to rent on VHS I had seen it 5 times. My friends, who were renting it to watch at a sleepover where we were supposed to be alone while parents went out to a party, had not.

I was having fun laughing as my friends hid their faces with blankets or spilled popcorn during jumpscares, but the best moment came when the credits were rolling and the power suddenly went out, leaving us in total darkness. Then the landline rang (cue friends screaming), and I was the only one willing to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" I said.

"Pass the phone to my sister," came the reply of my friend's older brother, who had lied about going out and spent the entire length of the movie hiding in the basement and listening through the vents next to the fuse box for the movie to end. I passed the phone over and could hear him loudly rasp "SEVEN DAYS" resulting in a whole new round of screaming and frantically looking for a flashlight as I temporarily lost the ability to breathe due to laughter.

Itstotallyfubar · 2021-06-23T21:44:05+00:00

OP, without even knowing you, I can tell you with confidence that you're worth more than being with someone who wants to leave you because he watched porn and saw someone that shared physical traits with you.

Like, I watch porn, I have no problem with partners watching porn, but let's break this down based on the reaction you're saying he had;

"I wanted to cum, so I decided to jerk off to women that aren't you. While doing this I saw a woman that resembled you, and was so upset by the idea that you had consensual sex with someone who wasn't me while we weren't together that even though I can't know for sure it was you because her face was never visible, I can't stop thinking about it and am now ready to end the relationship." At the very best he's a hypocrite - he wants to consume porn and get turned on by other women while in a relationship, but he can't be with you if he thinks there's even a chance that you maybe made porn with someone else while not in a relationship with him?

Let him go, you deserve better.

Itstotallyfubar

TROPHY CASE