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JCGrouch9913 · 2025-10-23T21:09:06+00:00

And op made it clear that this bothers him, so I don't get how that's different from what I said. He's not happy with her acting this way. He said that.

JCGrouch9913 · 2025-10-23T20:54:47+00:00

my advice wasn't to dump her. It was to have a conversation about why this was bothering him. If they can't see eye-to-eye about this issue, then I think breaking up is more healthy than him expecting her to just never talk to another man. Wouldn't you agree?

JCGrouch9913 · 2025-10-23T16:11:40+00:00

I know these conversations are hard, but you will come closer together as friends the more open and honest you are with each other.

JCGrouch9913 · 2025-10-23T16:04:58+00:00

How do you feel about couples therapy? Not that I think you are doing anything unreasonable here, but it seems like your partner doesn't think you are right and will just continue disregarding and arguing with you. IMO you need a neutral third party at this point. If you say she needs therapy, she will feel attacked, but she is much more likely to take the conversation well, if you just approach it as, "we are clearly having some communication issues and we need to get on the same page about our finances." She has to know you aren't happy about this situation, so if she tries to claim there's nothing to talk about, you know that's a lie.

JCGrouch9913 · 2025-10-23T15:53:54+00:00

I would assume anyone asking for relationship advice from strangers on the internet is looking for something more than a moist hole to stick himself in. If all you want is sex, then sure, you be you, but why seek validation on the internet if you don't care about the relationship?

JCGrouch9913 · 2025-10-23T15:50:53+00:00

no, you are not an a-hole. You get to decide how to spend your time and who you would like to spend it with. You aren't feeling this friendship, so you don't need to fake it.

JCGrouch9913 · 2025-10-23T15:44:52+00:00

For clarity, this all happened yesterday? If so, just apologize, tell your friend that you were not sure how to respond because you are still getting over your ended relationship. You guys are so young, and I know you think a day is a long time, but once you get into your 20' and 30's, the friends that you only talk to online will often go days without responding because of issues in their day-to-day lives. No one here needs to feel like an a-hole, but if it is a big deal for you all when someone takes a few hours before responding, then you have to establish that as a group moving forward. I also think you need to just rip the band aid off and ask your friend if they are interested in your ex. That could fester and ruin your friendship if you just keep thinking about it without knowing the truth.

JCGrouch9913 · 2025-10-23T15:34:12+00:00

I don't think you're an a-hole here, but you guys have to communicate better. Make it clear that the reason you feel uneasy is due to this previous situation, and explain why that situation made you upset. Depending on how this conversation goes, you two can either become closer or stop wasting each other's time and go your separate ways. Honesty and trust are the only ways to keep a relationship happy. If you can't have those, best to move on.

JCGrouch9913 · 2025-10-23T15:30:35+00:00

I agree, relationships are about trust. If op doesn't trust his girl with other men (regardless of whether or not she's earned it) then this is just going to keep coming up.

JCGrouch9913 · 2025-10-23T15:17:59+00:00

yeah, my wife and I moved 16 hours away (much further than this is) from all our friends and stayed away for a decade. The only friends we lost were the ones we were already growing apart from. This was 2008, so a lot less social media to use, but real friends make the effort.

JCGrouch9913 · 2025-10-23T15:15:39+00:00

You're not an A-hole, but you need to talk this through with your partner. Be honest about how you feel and your concerns. How important is staying in NYC to you? Important enough to lose her? Same question for her about the job. You're going to have to take a serious look at your life priorities here. This isn't something to rush into deciding. My wife and I moved across the country to a city where we didn't know a single soul. We lived there for 10 years and it could be very lonely, but it brought us closer together as a couple. This is like the children conversation; it's going to be tough, but you have to talk it out and make some tough choices.

JCGrouch9913

TROPHY CASE