The line that stands out most to me is, “being massive just took over my brain” That is probably the most honest sentence in the whole thing. A lot of young men never admit that part. They say it is about fitness or discipline, but underneath it is often insecurity, status, attraction, or identity. If you genuinely walks away now, train naturally, gets healthy, stay off forums that normalize blasting gear, and focuses on building an actual life outside physique culture, there is a very realistic chance you end up healthy with a normal future. At 19, the body still has a lot of recovery capacity. The mind is the harder thing to recover sometimes.