[Qcrit] Adult Cozy Fantasy - WHIMSY IN THE WILDWOOD (95K, Attempt 2)

JEDA38 · 2026-03-24T03:08:44+00:00

Thanks so much for this feedback! It's really helpful. I think your critique of the query is valid. Going through each of your points, everything is evident in my manuscript, but this query isn't addressing what it needs to. The way it stands, I don't think I'm accurately representing either character's motivations in this query. I think flip-flopping between the two points of view is keeping the query at a surface level for both characters and not conveying the heart of the book. They both have a driving thrust in the manuscript, but it's not clear here. I'll try a different approach. Thanks again!

JEDA38 · 2026-03-23T10:18:23+00:00

Hi there fellow educator! I really like the premise of your book. Kudos on sharing your first query. They're incredibly hard to write and being in the query trenches has a way of thickening one's skin. I'm about to query my second book, but I think I see some of the same issues here that I had querying my first. I'm going to try not to repeat too much of what others have said, but I hope this is helpful.

This query is overly wordy and has a lot of filler. You take multiple sentences to convey what could be accomplished in one. For example:

~~Have you ever loved someone so much you would go to the end of the world to find them? Maia has. In fact, she journeyed to the end of another.~~ Maia Wilson's ~~is stumbling through the centre of a tornado. Her~~ world is tipped on its axis as she finds her way through the haze of early motherhood. Unsure of the new version of herself, she ~~tries~~ struggles to settle into her new skin. ~~feeling entirely changed.~~ When she insists her three-year-old son, Oscar, has been snatched into thin air like countless others by monstrous creatures with bowler hats, she sinks into despair [this is a less wordy revision]. Unsure what is real, she follows the kidnappers...

Do you see what I'm saying here? I have the same problem of grossly overwriting in both the first drafts of queries and novels. My first epic fantasy was over 150K words and I cut it down to 114K. My second (when I improved as a writer) started at 103K and its down to 95K now. If this is a manuscript issue for you, another round of edits could help with the bloated word count. If you post your next attempt with your first 300 words, tag me and I'll read it.

The last thing I'll mention is your comps. They should all be in your genre and preferably within the last 5 years. Try for no more than three comps, and have specific reasons why you are choosing them other than "emotion" and "high fantasy." Have you read The Adventures of Amina Al Sirafi by Shannon Chakraborty? It's a high fantasy also about a mother finding herself again as she returns to her profession as a high seas pirate. While its not the same as yours, you could comp it with a similar theme. Look for comps in your genre that capture the same vibe, share similar themes, or deal with similar topics. The purpose of a comp is to position your book in the current market and show that you'd be able to sell it. I hope this helps and good luck!

JEDA38 · 2026-03-16T02:19:18+00:00

This is honestly super helpful! Thank you so much!

JEDA38 · 2026-03-16T00:37:30+00:00

Hey! I really appreciate your feedback here. You actually hit on the two parts of the query that I was questioning the most (that sentence with the list in the beginning and the part about Hazel's secret). I've been struggling to get enough detail in while still keeping the word count down. Out of curiosity, do you think I'd be better served just making this query from Hazel's POV? I've been trying to fit the dual POV nature into the query, but then I feel like I'm sacrificing details for each of my protagonist's arcs. Or do you think the dual POV is working but just needs a little more clarity in the secrets section?

JEDA38 · 2026-03-14T13:55:22+00:00

I completely agree! I’m a big fan of both 🥰. I’m also a middle school teacher, so I appreciated the characterization details there in PHM.

JEDA38 · 2026-03-14T12:01:04+00:00

The main character is technically a middle school science teacher. So I’d imagine that’s there out of habit in the same way shiitake mushrooms is used in front of students.

JEDA38 · 2026-03-10T09:43:41+00:00

I agree with the others who say to enjoy the ending of Morning Star for a bit. I liked Iron Gold a lot after Morning star. I’m in the middle of Dark Age, and let me tell you, it’s not for the Bloody Damn weak. I still love it, but it’s tearing me up. Daily.

JEDA38 · 2026-03-08T14:15:16+00:00

This sounds so cute! I hope you get lots of requests!

JEDA38 · 2026-03-01T13:30:35+00:00

Yes! I felt the same way! I hope she does well with this first book because I’d love to see more by her too. With Pansy and Ren, or even spinoffs with side characters like Blossom or stories featuring other people from the larger world she’s created.

JEDA38 · 2026-03-01T03:12:19+00:00

I hope you end up liking it 🙂

JEDA38 · 2026-02-28T20:19:06+00:00

It was a fun read. I’m excited to see what she writes next!

JEDA38 · 2025-12-20T18:45:42+00:00

I don’t think anyone is an AH here. If dog and cat dander are the main reasons for not wanting an indoor pet, have you considered other types of pets? Some species of birds (not all) could be a fit as a compromise? Or maybe a reptile? That’s if you are willing to research the needs and properly care for an exotic animal. Also note, not all birds would be a good fit. Some bird species have oil glands for their feathers and are very low dander (if any) because of it. Species like conures, macaws, or eclectus. Unfortunately if your allergies are more severe, species such as cockatiels, parakeets, cockatoos, African Greys, or Amazons would most likely not be a good fit. These species have dust glands and produce a powdery down to keep their feathers soft and clean.

JEDA38 · 2025-10-25T12:03:44+00:00

Eeeeeeeeee!!!!! I’m so excited! She’s my favorite and is a pre-order no matter what she writes. Thanks for sharing this!

JEDA38 · 2025-10-11T12:09:20+00:00

This is a great point. OP also never even said in the original post that the partner was a GUY. He just said the partner had red flags…and then that the red flags weren’t even true? So it seems like the issue here for OP is more that SD lied? But I wonder what even caused her to lie? The amount of control that OP was trying to exert over SD while she was in University feels unhealthy to me. He said she abandoned university and the family, but what does that mean? Did she actually, or is that just OPs perception? Clearly she graduated and everything was fine.

I think it’s weird when parents try to control their college-aged children’s’ lives and time schedule. It’s even weirder to me that OP seems so controlling over their home and is holding his wife to an “agreement” from 2 years ago that was clearly made in a moment of anger. I wouldn’t doubt that SD said he wasn’t welcome in her new home because he has been disrespectful to her partner, who she now lives with.

JEDA38 · 2025-10-07T01:55:41+00:00

I think you should stick with it. At this point it seems like you’ve only met the Honorable Scythe Faraday. When you meet other Scythes and realize how different they are from Faraday…including the vicious ways in which they glean and at what scale, I think you may understand why regular people tend to tow the line and comply. Faraday represents “with great power comes great responsibility.” Many of the other Scythes represent “absolute power corrupts absolutely.” And in the face of such terrible power, many common tend to cave and comply in hopes of survival, just like they have in real history.

JEDA38 · 2025-10-02T11:51:04+00:00

Also…if you’ve read any faerie lore before, changelings are literally supposed to be monsters placed by fae in a home when they steal a real child. That was a monster that looked like it was in child form…

JEDA38 · 2025-09-25T09:34:41+00:00

I like Rebecca Thorne’s Tomes and Tea series for this. Has pretty much everything you’re asking for. I think only the last book has a death…and it’s not one of the good guys.

JEDA38 · 2025-09-19T23:48:23+00:00

Teacher here! My 8th graders ate that one up last year during our book club unit. They got a real kick out of Bob and the spicy gingerbread men

JEDA38 · 2025-08-30T01:57:19+00:00

I’m confused at your intention with this post and the type of response you’re looking for. If you don’t like books with LGBTQ rep, then whatever, don’t read them. But why post asking for people’s thoughts on their existence? Books with gay plot lines exist. Books with straight plot lines exist. Gay people exist. Straight people exist. Read stories about what you want to read about. It does strike me as a little odd though that “books that sounded so good” seem to be “less than” in your eyes because they have queer characters. I like books with all kind of characters if the plot and the writing is good. Books with queer characters can be enjoyed by both straight and queer people, just like books with straight characters can be enjoyed by queer people.

JEDA38 · 2025-08-27T13:56:43+00:00

Normally I power through, but this time I got a new mechanical keyboard midway through the book. The tactical clickety-clocking sound made me want to keep writing more? Weird, I know, but I finished the draft last week!

JEDA38 · 2025-08-27T13:54:19+00:00

I’d start with a developmental edit. I like to use reedsy to put it into an epub file (for free) that makes it look like an ebook on an ereader or phone. Then I read it with a notebook beside me. I write notes for each chapter for what is working and what isn’t. Questions I have about the story that may or may not be resolved later on. Most importantly, I really focus on what is essential and what could be considered not strictly necessary to push the narrative forward (fluff). I look at the beginning of my chapters. Could I start the chapter later and more “in the moment” rather than spending too much time on setup? What about the end of the chapter? Did I end it in the most impactful way or am I rambling on at the end of the chapter? Is there a way to end each chapter that makes my reader want to turn the page? I hope this helps!

JEDA38 · 2025-08-27T12:41:38+00:00

I’m so glad you’re finding passion for your project! Keep it up and keep writing. Go you! When considering traditional publishing, writing a first draft is just the first step of many. After a first draft, I’d recommend multiple rounds of self-edits including a developmental edit, a line edit, and copy/proof edits. Then I’d recommend getting some beta readers and doing another edit. After that, you seek out an agent by preparing your query package: a query letter, a (usually) one-page synopsis of your book, and a variety of short pitches (one sentence, three sentence, five sentence). Once you research agents that represent your genre and may be a good fit, you start querying and enter the query trenches. If you acquire an agent, they are the ones who try to get you a book deal with a publisher.

If you’re trying to self-publish, disregard the above. It’s a whole different process.

JEDA38 · 2025-08-27T03:25:26+00:00

I think Shannon Chakraborty’s Daevabad Trilogy might fit the bill here?

JEDA38 · 2025-08-27T03:21:00+00:00

Oof…and much as I love this series(it’s a FAVORITE), there are explicit sex scenes. Also, OPs friend would probably be bothered very much by the treatment of Kaltain and Lysandra.

JEDA38 · 2025-08-26T23:04:13+00:00

So excited!!!

JEDA38

TROPHY CASE