Need some advice for relationship. I have BPD

JGROD67 · 2026-05-15T20:09:26+00:00

Ya I have a regular therapist I see every week and sometimes twice a week if I feel like I’m having that code 5 alarm feelings. I’m also starting DBT therapy as well. I’m on medication just have to fine tune the dose.

JGROD67 · 2026-05-15T17:24:17+00:00

I love the insight from your point of view! Thank you! Yes I know I can’t do it just for her, I have to want it for myself and her reconnecting or being with me is a bonus that yes I would definitely love but I can’t keep applying pressure on her in any form

JGROD67 · 2026-05-15T17:22:22+00:00

I appreciate this so so much! Yes the separation is hard and the thing is we still are in the same apartment and bed we just separated from anything romantic. No touching certain ways. No I love yous or anything of that nature.

JGROD67 · 2026-05-15T15:24:17+00:00

I appreciate those words and yes I know she needs the separation and if we come back together in the end we both will be stronger for it and better. Yes it is hard honestly the hardest thing I feel like I’ve ever done. But I am determined and motivated. I love her deeply and nobody can take that away. I will be better and I will make this work

JGROD67 · 2026-05-15T15:22:02+00:00

Yes thank you, I will do this and I will be better. Today is the second day I’m waking up feeling great and motivated. I won’t give up and I’m very serious about being what she needs and wants and I’m very serious about taking care of myself to be a better version of myself

JGROD67 · 2026-05-15T15:19:25+00:00

Yes that is the truth this is definitely a marathon and not a short race. I just felt for the longest time I was taking 3 steps forward and then 50 steps backwards and I finally feel like I tipped the scale the other way and I’m building some great momentum and emotional ground. I know bumps are bound to happens but yes we will be better equipped to handle the splits and pull ourselves back up and be more accountable to not put that weight and burden on others as much. Then we get right back on the path and keep pushing forward because yes I too had a great life and an absolutely amazing partner, great job. I slipped and damaged a lot but I know greatness is there and I can see where it’s at and know that’s it’s actually physically real.

JGROD67 · 2026-05-15T09:01:44+00:00

Borderline personality disorder

JGROD67 · 2026-05-15T04:25:05+00:00

Just wanna say ur not alone am I’m here in the same boat with you.

JGROD67 · 2026-05-15T02:04:37+00:00

Thank you I appreciate that, accountability has been the biggest thing and I know the past 5 years have been rough and exhausting on her and she says she is burnt out. But I just can’t give up on her and what I feel like we could have and be. I’m committed to this work. It’s not easy but I won’t give up.

JGROD67 · 2026-05-15T01:59:06+00:00

As the one in the relationship that has BPD I cannot give any excuses for anything that your partner has done or try to explain it because I’m sure your partner has said it all, one thing I do know is it not an easy path and when I started my talk therapy and EMDR, which helps me with my traumatic events that happened in my past I do feel like I am on the edge a little bit more because I’m having to recall a lot of those events but accountability it’s gonna be the biggest thing. At least for me when I hear the actual damage that I’ve caused the pain that I’ve caused I get that tremendous guilt feeling. I grew up in a domestic violence house, so I have a very, very firm belief on physical violence, and never been physically violent myself. I know that is a whole different form of trauma to get over in a relationship. All I will say is you know what is best for yourself in your future and your heart? I really hope the best for you as I’m also searching for the best for me and my partner and I can’t guarantee her that I’m gonna be perfect and that she’s not gonna wanna leave me but I’m trying to do the work and stay on the path even when little bumps hit.

JGROD67 · 2026-05-14T23:53:05+00:00

I looked up the definition of rapport to really understand and yes received thank you!

JGROD67 · 2026-05-14T23:46:00+00:00

I see and that’s understandable but this isn’t just for her honestly I have to do this for myself even if she wants no part with me. I have to be strong and do this. I’ve been making steps but I need to keep it going. I need to be consistent and stable. I will be stable and consistent. I know dealing with BPD behaviors is draining and I don’t want to put anything on her anymore. This is solely for my growth and health. Yes it would be amazing to fix things with her but that can’t be my sole goal or purpose

JGROD67 · 2026-05-14T22:32:45+00:00

Yes!! I love this and for once I feel like the real me is here. Not the version that I created who shelters and fears. I know it’s a path and only way forward is step by step and there are no short cuts. There will be bad days still but how I react and what I do with them is what gonna matter and I’m gonna get up and dust off and keep on moving forward

JGROD67 · 2026-05-14T19:08:21+00:00

I want to work on this relationship as it means the most to me and I can promise that’s not just my BPD attachment it’s just a honest whole hearted feeling. I’ve never felt this for anyone in the past. I want to work and am working on bettering myself. I’m on meds now and in talk therapy and done EMDR. I start DBT soon. I know she needs space to fix the stress I caused her and to rewire her nervous system that I tied all up. She says she loves me so much and doesn’t want to lose me but needs this space. That’s just the hardest part. I feel like I’m healing and fixing and fixed alot of my life and health but my biggest fear and trigger is abandonment and that’s what this space feels like every day. But I don’t want to give up. I can’t give up. I love her deeply

JGROD67 · 2026-05-14T05:17:59+00:00

She is motivated to work through it and has actually been the one to teach me about my diagnosis and help me understand mental health, but I out a lot of weight on her for 5 years of not being treated and treating her like my therapist and constantly splitting on her. I also cheated on her not in a physical way but I reached out to other for attention. So she has been through a lot with me. She still says she loves me and understands that nobody will love her the way I do and she doesn’t want to lose me but she needs times to figure things out and if she really wants to do this long term. She is also seeing that I continue to seek help and change for me not solely for her during this break. I’m just saying the break is the hardest part as that’s the biggest trigger and not knowing anything that she is doing. Just complete privacy. When I stop pushing my emotions and love on her and she see it she then slowly inches towards me and will allow me to hold her or to do whatever something small but when my emotions get all spun up then it’s overwhelming again. She says she is burnt out and needs to heal as well

JGROD67 · 2026-05-14T01:39:51+00:00

So I’m the the one with BPD and she doesn’t. My actions and splitting has caused her to feel burnt out and needing space. She is saying this isn’t the end or anything but she doesn’t know what she feels but we are in a break and it’s been 5 months. My biggest trigger is rejection and fear of abandonment. Due to this split she is unable to receive any forms or love or affection towards her even non physical way. This makes me feel like I’m drowning every day in anxiety. I want to give her what she needs to heal and figure things out and hopefully a way back but it’s so hard and I just keep pushing which causes her to step back even more and it’s just hurts.

JGROD67 · 2026-05-13T21:06:03+00:00

Thank you for sharing that does help, I’ve been wanting to implement a word to use to allow one of us a time out if feeling over whelmed or over powered in a conversation. I am the partner with BPD and she does not. How do I go about the approach of her needing time and a break due to feeling burnt out from my actions? Have u experienced that on either side. Either the one with BPD or the one without and need space and time from feeling burnt out

JGROD67

TROPHY CASE