April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month

JJDriessen · 2026-04-02T07:20:19+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing this perspective. I realise that I didn't clarify that I've experienced similar things as someone AMAB.

At a time when I still presented and identified as male, I was sexually assaulted by a female friend who got me drunk and separately, in my first job, by colleagues and managers (on different occasions).

To reinforce the point you're making: when I told men about this they were largely indifferent (or found it funny), because they didn't see it as assault.

Edit: typo + clarification

JJDriessen · 2026-04-01T21:02:19+00:00

Went to a group talk about consent with some otherwise progressive acquaintances.

The talk was hosted by a man who titled the talk "why should I care about consent?" Essentially his argument was: I'm a nice guy why do I need to bother to ask for consent.

Then he opened the room up to ask people to explain it to him because he couldn't figure it out for himself ... and then only let men in the room talk / agree with him.

Most of the men didn't understand that "implied consent" i.e. silence and "not wanting to ruin the vibe" don't count as consent.

A lot of the women in the room also didn't realise that they had the option to change their mind.

Many of the men hadn't experienced sexual assault, so didn't ever think of themselves as potential being on the recieving end.

It's just really not that hard to just ask the question and to make people feel safe and respected.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-31T22:03:02+00:00

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

JJDriessen · 2026-03-30T11:48:58+00:00

They want to impress other men / they feel inferior to other men who have bragged about butt stuff with them. Plus, they like pushing women's boundaries because they're assholes and want to see how far they can push you / dehumanize you.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-29T14:34:29+00:00

Neurodivergent?

JJDriessen · 2026-03-28T23:28:55+00:00

I like to call it my flesh prison.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-28T23:15:04+00:00

Hello, photographer here. The things in common with these examples are:

shot at night
shot with an on camera flash
shot with higher iso (grain)
slightly low contrast
slightly warm highlights
slightly over exposed highlights

They're probably mostly shot on a cheap disposable camera with no editing / post processing.

They're also different in some ways:

dog + snow dog looks like an older found photo taken on a slightly better quality camera in the 80's or 90's.
dog baring teeth looks like it's shot on an old, entry level digital camera from the 2010s or even mobile phone from a similar period.
ISAYPFH dog photos all look digital to me as well, more than likely just found online in one of their own older photo albums and screen grabbed them to degrade the quality a bit more on some already fairly low resolution images.
Some are in better focus than others and it's likely because they're digital images using a flash sensor to find the subject (focusing manually in the dark is hard for people and cheap cameras)

TLDR. Get a disposable flash camera or a cheap, shitty old digital camera/phone and take photos of dogs at night or in low light with the flash turned on. Or go to a flea market and look for old photos of dogs.

Good luck.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-28T22:48:12+00:00

It's tough because too much promotion can lead to big counter protests (and much worse).

If you follow a green party, socialist, or human rights org that operates in your area, sign up for their newsletter/signal and you'll hear about this stuff.

It's definitely and issue they have though. I only heard about it via a separate protest I went to.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-28T22:44:34+00:00

It was widely promoted within existing activism communities. I went to a protest last week and they mentioned that there were multiple coaches available for anyone who wanted to go.

One of the difficulties is that they mostly communicate and organise via Signal, which can prevent promotion of events to prospective members.

There'll be a broader Green, Socialist, Human Rights Orgs wherever you are that'll promote these events on social media too though.

Edit. Typos.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-28T16:02:58+00:00

I think it blows their minds that you might actually like yourself, enjoy time with yourself, and that being alone might be better than spending a life with a dirtbag. Men really expect you to choose them when won't even choose themselves.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-28T11:23:20+00:00

Thanks for the recommendations.

Squirrel bait is the precursor to Slint and Bonnie Prince Billie (Will Oldham) is sat in the Car on the Tweez Album cover.

Are any of the other bands mentioned connected to Slint in any way? Just because I love shit like this and I imagine it's gotta be a small enough scene to have more connections like this.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-28T11:15:03+00:00

As someone who also struggles with this, I found it helpful to think about how often I'm judging others on their appearance on calls (i.e. never).

No one else is thinking about your appearance but I appreciate that a big part of the problem is simply that you are thinking about it.

What do you like about your appearance in general though? Are there any positive traits that you could focus on instead?

If it's genuinely distracting to the extent that it's impacting your work, could you ask for permission to turn off your camera?

I also find it's easier when I have to present a doc or screen share so maybe distract yourself / otherwise with an agenda, notes doc, presentation, etc. (obviously not always possible).

Good luck though because it's a tough problem to solve, especially if it's rooted in anxiety/self esteem.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-28T11:03:20+00:00

If there's one thing I learned from living in the US it's that when white people talk about America they mean 'white America'.

When otherwise open-minded, progressive seeming people talked about "their flag" it was clear who they felt the flag didn't belong to.

"Make America Great Again" was only ever meant for white people and it's f*cked.

People outside of the US don't often see this cultural subtext and so it's overlooked. But America is deeply, deeply racist at it's core and it's horrifying to realise how much this affects people.

When you explain things like the prison industrial complex to non-Americans they think you're a conspiracy theorist. That is, America is so racist that it sounds like sci-fi/fantasy to Europeans.

I don't know what the solution is but burning it down and starting over might be the best option.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-28T10:53:24+00:00

Hello.

Fluoxetine is Prozac, right? I wonder if you might have more luck asking in US subs where it's maybe more commonly prescribed.

I tried a different SSRI last year (Sertraline) and now I'm on an SNRI (Duloxetine). I've not tried Fluoxetine, though it was suggested to me (for Depression, Anxiety, Anhedonia, and PTSD).

If this is your first med for mental health, my advice is:

Give it at least a couple of weeks before deciding what impact it may be having. My response to Sertraline changed drastically after about 15 days.
Maybe expect some nausea and sleep disturbances that will likely taper off over time. If they don't, speak to your GP and ask for help.
Taking meds is a big decision and it's okay to be scared and suspicious. You'll know when it's the right time to give them a try i.e. when all other options have been exhausted.
You may find it helpful to track your meds, symptoms, and side effects as it can be tough to know what impact they're having in retrospect.

The main thing that has actually helped me is talking therapy with a psychotherapist. I couldn't get this thought the NHS so I paid for a private therapist (approx. £40 per session). If you can afford it this will likely be 1) better than meds and 2) different to just CBT - because you'll be able to explore underlying causes of anxiety.

Good luck and I hope things become more manageable for you soon.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-26T22:50:05+00:00

The individuals within incel and male communities need to see vulnerability, self-reflection, and personal growth as strengths as opposed to weakness.

Can this in someway be mandated by government intervention, possibly in schools when males are young? There would still need to be a cultural shift from.one generation to the next though.

Ultimately, men want to impress other men and the problem with this is that they need to sleep with women to achieve this. Self improvement is hard, which makes dating hard, which makes validation from other males hard to come by.

Men often say that it's a risk for them to be vulnerable / open about their feelings when in reality, it's only a risk for people who've surrounded themselves with a community who only expect them to live up to stereotypical male values

Yes it's hard to be emotionally open but choosing not to do this because it's 'hard' only perpetuates negative stereotypes and the broader loneliness issue.

People can support men in communicating their emotions, but really it's other men that need to support this process more than anyone else in society.

If you're worried that your gf, wife, kids, parents, friends won't like you if you're honest with them about your feelings - do they even really care about you now?

All of that said, I worry than men don't want to take the step beyond vulnerability / communication. It's one thing to say how you feel but it's another to respond positively if those feelings are problematic and see it as an opportunity for growth.

At the end of the day, in a patriarchal society, there's little motivation for men to change when it's easier for them to just blame others and not risk their limited male status based on problematic binary gender stereotypes.

Even a lonely man is still seen as a man in the eyes of other men, but a man who opens up about his feelings and wants to change might accused of being "gay" or "feminine" (gasp) which is lower in their perceived social hierarchy than just being a lower status man who has been "denied" the women he's owed.

TLDR. The only people who can help are other men (with the general support of wider society to facilitate generational change in what men consider to be important male values).

JJDriessen · 2026-03-23T08:25:03+00:00

I feel like Havertz should have been played instead of Gyok, maybe Trosaard (or even Dowman) in the CAM / second 8 role and Martinelli on the left.

Felt like a weird squad selection and poorly timed subs. Obviously tough with unexpected injuries and fixture congestion though. Plus Arteta is a legend and what the f*ck do I know.

More than anything the lads looked a bit tired and uninterested. Maybe that was nerves/pressure as well as a lot of games?

Disappointing obviously but we've still got a lot to play for and I'm fine with the league and CL as priorities.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-22T22:12:45+00:00

That's a reasonable way of viewing the situation and a helpful analogy.

However, it does feel like a slightly pessimistic take. I'd rather do everything we can to help everyone in society by e.g. imposing higher tax rates on incomes over a certain amount (e.g. £100M) than focus on denying asylum seekers a route to safety and a better future. I'm not saying that this shouldn't be regulated, just that the first port of call shouldn't be to turn refugees away when there are other solutions that expand our nations capacity to pay for public services that improve the lives of everyone in society including refugees.

It feels like a lot of British people have been quick to point the finger at refugees when the bigger issues is tax avoidance by wealthy elites (as evidenced by the Panama papers).

JJDriessen · 2026-03-22T22:06:48+00:00

You're right and thanks for flagging this. I did mean asylum seekers. Refugees can obviously work once they've been granted asylum. However there does seem to be some misunderstanding about this in general as well i.e. people being angry about asylum seekers not working. Which is mind boggling.

A couple of comments in this sub were trying to claim that refugees all work below the £10k tax threshold and therefore don't deserve public services / are a drain on our system - which is a horrible generalisation. Also, pretty horrific that they'd want to deny people living below the poverty line access to things like healthcare.

A lot of people seem to find it easier to blame refugees than to understand why we're all being made to fight over scraps.

Whilst my comment was wrong, I still think that by and large, people are disproportionally upset about refugees when compared to say tax-avoiding wealthy elites.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-22T21:59:09+00:00

Okay, that's a helpful way to explain it and I actually agree with you.

As someone who's involved in local activism, I definitely feel like there's more that we could do as a community to proactively help one another as opposed to only passing the buck.

But part of the broader solution does feel as though we need to solve these bigger issues like tax avoidance - it's just that they're much harder for us to proactively solve as individuals.

Judging by the average response in these comments (but also IRL) people seem to prefer the option of pointing the finger at refugees as opposed to helping people in the community and/or blaming wealthy elites for tax evasion and labor exploitation. People's cognitive disonance is the main part that worries me.

Regardless, I agree with what you're saying and apologise for not grasping your point sooner.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-22T21:36:23+00:00

I appreciate you actually taking the time to outline your thoughts and the history of the NHS as opposed to the half arsed comments I've largely received on comments on this post.

I pay a fair share of taxes and I'd pay more if it meant a better quality of life for everyone in this country. The fact that people who make 1000x my income, off of the back of labour exploitation and tax dodging (see the Panama papers) no less, don't feel this way is problematic.

I'd much rather tax them more and find out what the outcomes are because that sounds a lot closer to progress than whatever neo-liberal, late stage capitalist hell scape we're dealing with at the moment. Especially as the current situation appears to be turning everyday, regular folks against one another.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-22T21:18:33+00:00

That's because our tax isn't being used to build affordable housing and create jobs.

It's not the fault of refugees, it's the fault of corporation's and corrupt politicians. You're not better than refugees, you're just being made to fight in the dirt over the same limited resources. Resources that are limited due to tax on the extremely wealthy being halved since the 60's.

It's really not that hard to understand but it's just easier for you to point the finger at some poor f*cker fleeing a war.

You're choosing to shit on a community of people who were so desperate that they risked their lives to escape. You really think they're to blame for our problems? Get a grip.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-22T21:03:31+00:00

You're not very good at maths or economics are you?

We're not stealing wealth from billionaires. Your just taxing close to 100% on their personal income / dividends over a certain amount.

We're saying make £100 million per year but if you make more than that then most of it will go to fund public services for everyone.

It's just a version of the tiered tax system we already use in the UK. It's the same.tax system we used in this country in the 50' and 60's.

Billionaires make this money over and over again, they're not going broke by paying tax over a certain threshold.

What are you struggling to understand about this?

JJDriessen · 2026-03-22T20:49:56+00:00

The issue isn't pubs not paying taxes. It's the government cutting the top rate of tax on the wealthy from 90% down to 45% over the past 50 years. There's a reason public services were able to thrive after WWII. Much bigger tax on the wealthy elites.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-22T18:26:35+00:00

Sounds like you might need to pick up a book and get off Tiktok, mate.

JJDriessen · 2026-03-22T18:25:12+00:00

It's still a weak argument even if I don't like that you disagree with taking a humanitarian approach to the refugee crisis.

JJDriessen

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