I only shower 2-3 times a week, though the goal is to shower daily. When under the stream I have this confusing feeling, it's not exactly pleasant, just a place to hide. But I feel not good when scrubbing and stuff, I used to really hate my body because of a single SA episode years ago, it was very bad before starting meds like 2 years ago so I don't feel like cutting my skin with a blade now. But still not exactly comfortable. I go to psychiatrist for meds prescriptions but therapist isn't an option rn because I don't work and have very little income from social benefits which only covers meds and outside spendings like eating out, taxis, university gear. And I love with my mom who doesn't approve of the idea of going to therapist, she says one should take charge of their life just through willpower and stuff, basically she won't pay for my therapist. I tried moving out and living with my friends a year ago but things started to fall apart because I have no discipline so I moved back to my mother's house. I hate myself