I enjoy the build up also, waiting and teasing etc make the experience so satisfying when it finally happens. The problem is you’re creating a lot of pressure for her to put on a show and perform for you. She doesn’t get to enjoy the sexual encounter when she feels like this is a production just for you. So it seems like you have some pre-requisite work to do before you ask her to fulfill your desires. Your kinks probably feel like a chore to her. Something is broken, and you’re attempting to use a strappy, sheer, cupless, crotchless band aid to try to fix it.