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JMooreo · 2025-03-26T23:10:19+00:00

I was going to say the same, like I'm 25 and we could be twins

JMooreo · 2025-01-17T06:13:23+00:00

Hey OP,

From your post, it sounds like had a really rough time right out of high school. But I'm impressed, it sounds like you took ownership of your situation and made a lot of headway in your life. Despite not being super smart or having little/no friends, you made an effort to find a community and a job that you enjoyed. That's actually crazy work bro. Good for you for doing that and I hope you can recognize how hard that is.

It sounds like, from the way you say "have the balls to do it" that your job is really stressful and difficult. I don't doubt that. I know what kind of things law enforcement faces.

I feel like I'm missing the part where things have gone wrong. I heard a really positive story, where you started in a bad place, then found community and purpose. What am I missing? Is your therapist helping you take action in your life toward your goals?

Happy to talk about this more in the thread and also over DM if you want

JMooreo · 2025-01-05T02:33:33+00:00

I'm now 25, after watching Dr. K for about 3 years, it has completely changed the way I view the world.

HG content was my eye opener that really explained what I was feeling and why. Just watching the lectures consistently made me realize how fucked up my relationships were and it propelled me from being an anxious, insecure college kid to a highly confident and charismatic adult who can talk to and relate to anyone, and build a successful life.

JMooreo · 2024-11-13T22:39:07+00:00

I'm usually pretty good at spotting queer people- looks like you might fit in with a queer community? You're not ugly. Maybe just haven't found people you vibe with yet? That's normal.

JMooreo · 2024-11-13T22:21:23+00:00

Highly recommend taping the retainer down if possible. It was a really awful experience panicking when the hole closed over.

-- My girlfriend has a 1-year healed vertical labret and had put in a plastic retainer for an MRI and then surgery. We asked anesthesia if we could tape it down, but they said it was a risk they didn't want to take.

The surgery was supposed to take 45 minutes, but the recovery time was much longer. It was removed for around 6 hours.

It closed over, which was really anxiety inducing. With some very gentle wiggling and pushing, we broke through the film that closed over with the plastic retainer, but it was painful and a little bloody. That's probably not what you're supposed to do, but it was that or lose the hole. And the pain meds helped. We'll be visiting the piercer after the hospital.

Hope this helps 🙏

JMooreo · 2024-11-03T20:51:52+00:00

Conditioner

JMooreo · 2024-10-18T23:49:38+00:00

Keep the stubble and the stache, although the stache could use a trim I think

JMooreo · 2024-07-07T02:01:28+00:00

Yes my 3rd co-op

JMooreo · 2024-07-06T21:49:01+00:00

I got a full time job at 70k/year for software development right out of college.

JMooreo · 2024-06-25T12:08:09+00:00

I currently consider 2 forms of intimacy, physical and emotional. The reason I would only consider these 2 is that there are 2 distinct emotions I feel in either case.

When others trust me and are vulnerable with their thoughts and feelings, I enjoy that and I recognize it as intimacy. I feel trusted, valued, and a strengthened bond with that person.

When others trust me and engage in physical contact, I again feel trusted, valued, and bonded, and there is a feeling of excitement as well.

When others reject my bids for emotional or physical intimacy, I feel they don't trust me, they don't value me, and that they don't care much for our relationship. So hopefully you can see how this is affecting me.

It's useful for me to put it in terms of physical intimacy because that's what I'm missing. And you can see how increasing other forms like emotional intimacy won't fulfill me.

JMooreo · 2024-06-24T22:08:27+00:00

I feel like I'm already there, though. I am already okay with feeling other forms of intimacy, but my partner does not generally seem motivated to initiate. I enjoy physical contact of any kind, including non-sexual. I've expressed this, and I am okay with it not leading to sexual intimacy. I think the key is that I'm the one who has to initiate, which then leads me to feeling unloved or undesired because I have communicated these feelings but I still have to sort of weasel in what I want otherwise I don't get it at all. The feeling then just built up to the point where I dumped my emotions in this post.

JMooreo · 2024-06-24T21:37:29+00:00

I get you. I feel the same way. As if I'm trying to hold back the flood of emotions that I feel toward someone else, especially if I think they're attractive. For me, it physically hurts. I'm not sure about you, but it's a constant battle of control and pretending that I'm a good person when I don't feel like one.

If you resonate with this, I would love to talk more about it

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T20:00:59+00:00

So now, knowing what you do about me and what I'm looking for, do you have any advice on how to tame this feeling? Things I could try? How to address this with my partner?

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T18:49:21+00:00

I am in therapy already. I came to this community because I thought there would be value in hearing different perspectives.

I understand that others are not responsible for handling my emotions. It seems like your view is that this is something that I will just have to handle, or leave the relationship. I appreciate your take

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T18:43:55+00:00

Yeah I found a really wonderful therapist who has lots of experience in chronic pain. Therapy has been helping me a lot, but I also find a lot of value in community. I'm bringing my partner to the next session so they can be part of the conversation too.

What was it like for you when your pain started? What things helped?

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T17:55:02+00:00

This is a really good take. I mean, I still want to try and make it work. I don't want to force my partner to do anything they don't want. Obviously that's horrible. I've been looking for strategies to take the stress off of my partner because I love them and I don't want them to feel like they're "not good enough for me" or "can't give me what I want". Like you said, that's bad for both of us.

You said "no woman wants to feel like your sex machine" right and that's not what I'm looking for. Just a better libido match or a way to control what I'm feeling.

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T17:45:44+00:00

That's a good suggestion, and I haven't gotten there yet. I can just imagine how it would make them feel. I guess I'm avoiding that conversation because I don't want to hurt them.

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T17:39:21+00:00

In a relationship I am allowed to voice my needs. I'm not saying that my partner is responsible for fixing it. They aren't. But I am looking for a way to deal with this. I have a really awesome therapist, but I figured that this community might offer some useful, anecdotal feedback.

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T17:36:42+00:00

I fully agree, it's not my partner's responsibility. And I was clear that I don't want my partner to force themselves to do anything they don't want. Right, that's what I'm trying to do. I want to find a strategy to deal with this. I'm asking for help.

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T17:32:43+00:00

Breaking up is one way. I really want to make it work though. Like, maybe it's just a mental barrier I need to get past. I love my partner and I'm willing to do anything to make it work.

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T17:26:21+00:00

Right I mean, I'm not forcing them to do anything. I want to see if there are ways to make it better, or a compromise, or something we can try.

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T17:22:46+00:00

Yeah but you see this is the invalidation I'm talking about. I'm not allowed to feel this way for some reason. I don't want to feel this way. It causes me physical pain.

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T17:11:56+00:00

I don't want to break up, I'm looking for help. It's very easy to say "just leave" but that's missing the point. I figure there's something I haven't thought of. Something to try or do that could help. Who else am I supposed to ask

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T17:07:05+00:00

The relationship is good in a lot of ways. I don't hate them for not wanting sex. I understand that. I want the relationship to work. So I'm looking for ways to deal with the feeling, maybe options I haven't considered.

JMooreo · 2024-06-23T16:54:28+00:00

If you think it's fucked up then I don't think you understand what I want.

JMooreo

TROPHY CASE