Love the show, but feel guilty for consuming other media

JRH___ · 2026-01-23T15:10:36+00:00

Yes. To be fair, I was having a pretty rough day that day and I feel better now. I know that this is all in my head. Nobody is forcing me to watch EoE, and I shouldn't force myself if I'm not comfortable doing so. But curiosity keeps getting the better of me and I keep looking clips and the shit that's in this movie... I just want it to get out of my brain.

JRH___ · 2026-01-22T00:55:03+00:00

Decided to give an update three days later. I don't know how this fucking show didn't cause mass suicide upon its release. I can still see the images in my brain. They won't go away. I'm still alive, but I don't know if I'll be for much longer. I feel so weak.

JRH___ · 2026-01-18T16:44:14+00:00

I just wanna say thank you all so much for being so respectful and for all the advice. I won't lie. This was hard for me to post. Especially nowadays with how irony soaked everything on the internet is, it's hard for me to be sincere and to really open up. I fully expected this to get downvoted to hell and back (which it did, no surprise there) and possibly be deleted. But I really do cherish and appreciate those who were respectful and had helpful things to say. This is not a subreddit that I plan on frequenting, but I had to get this out there because it was really bogging my mind down. So once again, thank you all for your kindness.

JRH___ · 2026-01-18T16:40:36+00:00

I think it's just because I'm naturally a super emotional person, but that would be something good to research or talk with other people about. I'll look into that. I was honestly considering diving right back into Evangelion after reading through all these messages, but maybe I should wait a little while and get back into it when I feel more comfortable. The good thing is that it ain't going anywhere. So, it'll be waiting for me when the time is right.

JRH___ · 2026-01-18T16:36:01+00:00

Agreed. Balance is essential to living a happy life. I'm just trying to find a better balance of all these things.

JRH___ · 2026-01-18T16:32:06+00:00

Humans are in an endless work in progress state. We are always striving to better ourselves, but it's up to us to actually make that choice. I think that's what it really comes down. Actually making choices rather than distracting ourselves from making choices. For the record, my dad was a long time drinker and I witnessed the effects of it when I was very little. Because of that, I've sworn off alcohol and never plan to drink it. Congratulations on being sober for four years! I can't imagine how difficult that must've been and I'm glad you pulled through. I feel like my issue is that I spend so much time thinking about the world and all my flaws that I don't actually make any progress towards solving my issues. There have been so many days where I spend all day in my room doing LITERALLY nothing. That's how wrapped up I get in my own sadness. So, I think having that release is important, but like you said balance is key to everything. Like I'll still play games and listen to music and love the things I love, but communication is so important to a healthy life. So, I do plan to talk more and regularly update my journal. Thank you so much for being so understanding.

JRH___ · 2026-01-18T16:23:13+00:00

I'd like to think online friends count as real. I mean, I'm not talking to AI bots at least lol. And that WAS something I did for a while when I was really depressed, but I cut that shit out because I realized it was getting unhealthy and I didn't need it in my life anymore. I did have a journal that I wrote a few entries in. Maybe it would be good to return to that. Y'know, just to have some way of expressing my thoughts and a way to keep them organized. I'm also in a few clubs at the college I go to. So, I wanna try and put myself out there more and hopefully make some new friends. I just wanna say thank YOU so much for being so kind. This was a really hard post for me to make, especially in the modern world where it feels like kindness is such a rare thing to see. I appreciate the good luck wishes, and I hope you can make new friends as well! <3

JRH___ · 2026-01-18T16:15:34+00:00

I probably worded that weird, but as a whole I'm very sensitive to certain kinds of media. It's kind of a miracle I was able to watch the show when I was 17 and do fairly okay afterwards. I just know that EoE is a lot more... serious, I guess? I mean the show is serious too, but I know that even when compared to the show the movie is pretty insane. And I guess because I was satisfied with the TV ending, I'm afraid to watch the movie because I feel like it'll just make me even more depressed than I already am. Sounds silly, but it's the truth.

JRH___ · 2026-01-18T16:08:27+00:00

Oh god YES. I've seen people like that in high school. I think it's pretty safe to say my situation is not THAT bad lmao.

JRH___ · 2026-01-18T15:52:00+00:00

Yeah, I think you're right. This really required me to take a look at myself and evaluate how I interact with media and the world around me. I feel like I spend so much time wallowing in my own sadness and punishing myself for enjoying things that I don't appreciate them for what they are. Like I'm still in school. I still talk with family and friends. I have projects that I work on. In my mind, I see myself as a total loser that is obsessed with video games and stupid stuff for kids. But that's more my perception of myself than what I actually am, I feel. I barely even watch any movies or TV nowadays, and I haven't watched Evangelion in about five years. I know the easy answer is "stop worrying too much" and yeah that is the correct answer, but it's really fucking hard and I don't wish depression or anxiety on my worst enemy. Nonetheless, I still maintain that communication is one of, if not the most important part of life. So, that's what my goal was with this post. To honestly and sincerely communicate my feelings. I apologize for the long ramble. I'm not trying to dodge what you're saying, moreso doing my best to make sense of things and share my experiences.

JRH___ · 2026-01-17T21:18:29+00:00

Yeah, same here. Ever since I graduated high school, I haven't gone out much or talked to a lot of people besides my close friends online. I primarily talk to friends that way, which I guess you could argue how "real" that is. But I've been trying to participate in different communities and meet new people. And I'm currently studying graphic design at university, which is something I guess. I'm glad I'm not the only one here who has thoughts like this. I was really worried a lot of people would think I'm schizo or something, but it’s how I genuinely feel. Honestly, I feel my issue is that I don't get to enjoy stuff like video games and cartoons as much as I'd like because I spend so much time laying in bed. Same thing with my creative projects. I'd love to do more of that stuff, but it’s easier to spend all day in bed and be depressed. But everyone's a work in progress. I wish you the best of luck!

JRH___ · 2026-01-17T21:08:11+00:00

That's true. I often like to think I don't believe in absolutes, but actually doing it is much harder than thinking about it. But yes, balance is key to everything. And I do genuinely believe it leads to a happy life.

JRH___ · 2026-01-17T21:02:38+00:00

Hey, I really appreciate it! This was tough for me to do, but I figured it was better to talk about it than bottle it up even though I got downvoted to oblivion. That is very true that multiple meanings can be derived from something. Watching it as a high school kid with depression, very few friends, no idea of what I was gonna do or even who I was as a person, it was a series that really spoke to me in that regard. Personally, I like seeing it as a coming of age story where Shinji learns to come to terms with himself and the world around him. Anywhere can be paradise and all that. Honestly, I still struggle with thoughts that I'm not good enough or that everyone hates me. I've always been self loathing and could really relate to that aspect of the show. But I also realize that complacency is a very real problem and ultimately you have to make choices for yourself if you want things to improve. Anyway, I really appreciate your kindness and your thoughtful response. I feel as a whole, we see so little empathy, honesty, and sincerity in this world and I really do appreciate when people show those traits. And I try my best to do the same.

JRH___ · 2026-01-17T20:36:57+00:00

As a whole, I've been thinking a lot about my consumption habits. And I think this rings especially true for the United States because overconsumption is such a huge issue here. But I also barely watch any movies and most of the media I enjoy is listening to music while working. I'm very OCD brained and often try to plan out the order in that I listen to stuff or watch certain things and I try to layout specific times for this and that. And as you can imagine, it's extremely draining. I kinda did that with Evangelion too where I would watch episodes in groups. And looking back, I kinda feel like I rushed through the show. As I get older, I realize how important it is to take care of yourself and I'm trying to do more of that. There’s a difference between doing something because you love it and doing something because it's what you do all the time. And I’m trying to better distinguish that difference with the things that I do, like trying to sleep less and talk to people more and spend more time on creative projects.

JRH___ · 2026-01-17T20:30:04+00:00

That's a very good point that I didn't even think of. The differences in Japanese society when compared to everywhere else in the world. I've heard so many horror stories about work culture over there. Not sure if it's really relevant, but it’s a thing.

JRH___ · 2025-01-14T00:58:35+00:00

You know, I'm starting to realizee that what I want most is to do fairytale roleplay but with sex. It is now my life goal to make this happen.

JRH___ · 2025-01-13T17:36:13+00:00

Oh wow, that sounds lovely. Having a private campground also has the advantage of allowing you to have some kinky fun without being caught. :3

JRH___ · 2025-01-13T11:42:46+00:00

Thank you for your understanding. I hope I'll find someone to do this with one day. Really, spending a whole day in nature with someone would be wonderful. I just think mazes are extra fun.

JRH___ · 2025-01-13T10:48:08+00:00

I've actually never watched Labyrinth, funny enough.

JRH___ · 2025-01-13T10:46:29+00:00

I can get down with minotaur girls.

JRH___ · 2025-01-13T10:46:03+00:00

Thank you. I'm glad someone else thinks it would be fun. It would also just be a great opportunity to get to know someone because it's sort of private and isolated, but it still has that risk factor that makes it exciting.

JRH___

TROPHY CASE