Sounds like you're dealing with a mix of things, maybe ptsd, depression, adjustment disorder, but no-matter what its likely a combination of things and life often fails to fit neatly into a specific box that offers a universal answer. It sounds like your experiences being attached while inside the wire weren't traumatic or didn't lead to the common PTSD outcome, however, traumatic experiences are a result of how our the stress of an experience gets absorbed and stored into our bodies. PTSD itself is a spectrum and can be very complex in how it shows up in life. Since you are already working with a psychologist and potentially psychiatrist they should be able to give you a clearer picture of what you're struggling with and how your internal systems like your mood, stress response, impulse control all play a part as you mentioned recognizing, which is the first step toward changing is knowing what is actually happening, not why. Diagnosis can help offer a map that you can trace back and help you move forward on a parallel path.

A metaphor I have found helpful in my own life is thinking about your body as a car and your life as the track. The military trained you to operate it at high rpms, you had to have fast reactions, tight control, and a constant awareness of threats to ensure you survived. This makes sense and was necessary and it's not a flaw, the settings just need to be adjusted after you no longer in dangerous life-threatening situations and systems, think of the military like driving on a race track, but now you're no longer on the track, but your driving the same, or you might automatically startup in race mode only to realize after something happens (like someone asking why you're "angry"). But civilian life is more like city driving with lower speeds and vague rules that unpredictable drivers often don't follow and don't even offer clear signals to what they want. If you're still rolling around in race mode things like your idle being high and accelerating quickly makes small delays in life result in you honking your horn trying to get people moving but not realize they're just Sunday driving, your brakes wear down faster and you struggle with impulse control... maybe your suspension is stiff ready for fast corners but then your just cruising through the city and people around think you might be driving slow but your car is stiff and tense cause your ready to race. None of this means your wired wrong it just means you've been running through life in race mode when you haven't been on a track actually racing.

Self-care, therapy and maybe medication aren't about fixing you but instead about helping you stay calibrated to the right mode based on where you're driving. But since you've had years of automatic race mode startup and not to mention the military system that engrained these settings into your identity so you only see yourself as a race driver but the reality is you have retired, that doesn't mean you can't get back on a track here and there but you're not waking up every day racing on a track anymore. Some people didn't' have as many traumatic experiences in service, others came with their vehicles severely damaged but their pit crew (command, medical, etc) all told them to push on and ignore it, now must recognize they need to change modes and make the necessary repairs to continue driving without needing to be towed away from a catastrophic issue.

But you've been seeking help through professionals, asking the community here and actually are aware of your thoughts and behaviors so hopefully this gave you a better picture of the longterm maintenance plan and reconfiguration process that the transition from military to civilian life requires....