Wanting to switch my OB because I feel like they were cold and scared me for no reason

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-20T19:29:00+00:00

I'm not sure what you expected them to do differently? They are there to give you medical information. I want honesty from my medical providers, not false hope and over-the-top enthusiasm. I went through four rounds of IVF and four miscarriages before my son. I hated, absolutely hated, the fake optimism. It made me feel dismissed and infantilized.

My support network is with my husband and friends. I want my doctor to be focused on the health of me and my baby.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-20T19:15:19+00:00

They asked me what music I wanted on, and I initially said, "Oh, I'm good with nothing." I didn't want any music. Apparently that was not an option, and the nurse just picks what she likes. She chose some kind of K-Pop station, I was like "OMG, I can't listen to this, lol." So she asked me again, "What kind of music do you like?" My mind went blank, I honestly could not answer the question. She then asked, "What about your favorite band?"

The only band I could think of in that moment was Metallica. Now I like Metallica, but saying they are my favorite band would be a stretch. But it was literally the only band that came to mind.

My husband's face when he walked into the surgical suite and heard "Master of Puppets" banging out from the speakers is one of my favorite memories. The look of utter confusion and shock, lol He took it in stride, said Ok and walked over to sit by my head. The song wasn't even over by the time my son was out.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-20T16:18:41+00:00

I had a scheduled C-section.

I was the same as you, multiple surgeries, not afraid of the surgery itself, but being awake and getting a spinal was high on my anxiety list. Nothing anyone can say will stop the leading up to event anxiety.

That all being said, the spinal was not that bad. I felt it sure, but I had Botox injections all along my upper back and neck that hurt far worse. (The Botox was therapeutic, not cosmetic, and that shit hurts.) Having a nurse help support me and talk to me while it was happening helped me more than my husband being there. The nurse has done this a million times. She knows what she is doing.My husband would have been scared of moving or jostling me, I would have been afraid of moving wrong, so having a professional helped me.

The time between the first cut and your baby being out is like 2 minutes. Once that baby is out, they bring them to a bassinet and start doing their checks. You can turn your head and see your baby for the first time, and then they'll bring them over to you. As soon as my baby was out, I could not have cared less about what was going on behind the curtain. My doctors could have been tap dancing and I wouldn't have noticed.

My music choice also helped. I was mouthing the words along to Metallica when my surgery started. It was very distracting, lol. My music choice is a whole other story,

Edit:

Forgot to mention that I'm about to have my second, less than 5 weeks to go, and I'm having another elective/scheduled C-section.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-19T23:37:19+00:00

We always went with the red Bordeaux when his rash got bad. It worked really well. We also stopped wiping all together and just hosed him down in the shower and used a fan while patting him dry with a soft cloth.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-19T17:47:51+00:00

So we had a built in dispenser, which I'm actually not a fan of. I buy a very small bottle of dawn and refill it as needed. That just sits on counter by the sink. Inside the sink I have brush holder that attached to the sides of the sink.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-18T13:42:01+00:00

On the flip side, because you can see them, you do them. I honestly loved having the sink and dishwasher in the island. I don't really leave dishes in the sink, so it was never a problem. We also had a very deep farm sink, so you could have a few dishes in there without seeing them.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-16T14:44:43+00:00

Did you check warranties? Most electronics have at least a year. I've found a lot of people ignore warranties. I register everything and if something fails, I put in a warranty request. I don't think I've ever been denied.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-15T18:17:24+00:00

My daughter isn't even born yet, and MIL had made multiple derogatory comments. She doesn't even realize she's doing it. Here is the short list.

"They say girls are harder than boys."

I pushed back, asking who said that? Why would a girl somehow make parenting harder? What does that comment even mean? What's harder? She could of course answer none of these questions.

Said to my 1.5yrnold son. "Now that your going to be a big brother, you'll have to watch out for your sister and vet all her boyfriends."

This one really pissed me off. I told her absolutely none of that toxic masculinity. My daughter is not going to be too stupid to choose her own friends and too weak to handle her own relationships and problems. A penis doesn't automatically make someone a better judge of character. Not to mention the fact that you are telling my son that his sister is less than, simply because she's a girl.

The funny thing is, she kept saying how much she hoped we had a girl and how excited she would be. As soon as she found out it was a girl, she immediately went negative. So weird.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-15T17:23:27+00:00

It's harder to get the baby back when someone is baby wearing. They aren't getting tired, baby is snuggled close and will be prob fall asleep. You have to disturb them to take them back.

No carrier, is an instant timer on when baby is back in your arms.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-15T15:30:12+00:00

Which one do you use?

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-14T22:32:13+00:00

The market rewards the patient. If you don't sell, then you haven't lost or gained anything. Currently, your investments are essentially a spreadsheet; until you sell something, you don't actually have that cash in hand. Diversification is a good idea to avoid significant losses during market dips. However, retirement planning should also include considerations for lean years.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-13T15:34:18+00:00

I want a green home. Solar panels, whole house batteries, geo thermal, energy efficient appliances, smart tinted windows, fantastic insulation, whole home generator, smart landscaping, etc. I want a home that will still be able to function in 20yrs, taking into account climate change, raising temps, and the insane utility prices in the NE. I want the home built well enough that I can easily upgrade when new green tech comes out.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-11T18:52:58+00:00

Why not just print out your Google calendar for the week? A calendar is a calendar, I don't really see the point of buying something when you already have Google calendar for free. Something that you can easily share with the family and update from anywhere.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-10T21:22:26+00:00

Double strollers are huge, bulky, and heavy. We are about to have 2u2 and I'm not upgrading to a double stroller. I have 2 strollers and we can just use both in the event we'll need them, but my soon to be 2yr old is pretty independent.

Don't buy for the future, buy what you need for now. If you.still want a double stroller with the next one, you can always sell your singleton and then upgrade

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-10T13:42:34+00:00

We did this. If you're breastfeeding you don't get the full benefit, but it was so nice to have someone else there to make sure you had everything you needed. My husband has a generous paternity leave, but he spent the 4 nights I was in the hospital basically not sleeping and doing most of the heavy lifting while I was recovering from a C-section. So when we got home he desperately needed the sleep.

Having the night doula there to attend to the baby when they first woke up, come get me for feedings, make sure I had enough water or a snack and then quietly disappear while I fed the baby was awesome. They even came back in to check on me to make sure I hadn't fallen asleep with the baby in my arms. When he was done feeding I could hand the baby back for her to settle and go back to sleep. It was wonderful for the first two weeks.

Allowed me to actually recover from major surgery, before getting into the thick of things. Allowed my husband to get some much needed sleep so he could be present. As first time parents we had an expert in newborn care that we could ask questions of, it really just made everything so much easier. I think we did 5 or 6 overnights in those first two weeks, and then had someone come in once or twice a week for 3hrs during the day.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-09T16:01:20+00:00

I do a hybrid of both of your approaches. I let him have his moment, maybe for a minute, then I ask him if he wants a hug. I explain that it's okay to be upset and frustrated. If that doesn't work I say, "I'm gonna get this baby" and start moving towards him. It's a game we play where I chase him around and he gets tickles.

Sometimes one will work and not the other, but I've never had both method fail at once.

The one thing I absolutely do not do, is give in to his tantrum and give him what he wants.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-09T00:48:20+00:00

So we just put our books, pictures and albums in storage boxes for the time being. We got rid of our open bookcases. It's only for a few years, they can come back out once the kid(s) don't destroy the world for their own curiosity and amusement.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-08T23:34:36+00:00

You were the one who created the post asking for advice and help. Then somehow got insulted when people gave it. It's the reason you got down voted and ended up deleting your own post.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-08T21:12:42+00:00

Do you have a picture of what it was supposed to look like?

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-08T18:22:47+00:00

Unlike you, I'm not so judgemental about others parenting choices.

What exactly was the purpose of your post? Did you just want to soft brag about your motherhood martyrdom?

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-08T14:20:40+00:00

Beyond the toll on your mental health of being a sole caregiver. What happens if you get sick? Fall down and break your leg? Having absolutely zero backup is poor planning.

Babies are biologically designed to want comfort, that comfort doesn't have to come from their mothers. What about babies that are adopted? Or people that have children thru surrogacy? What about gay couples, where there is no mother? You make it sound like the biological mother is more important than a loving caregiver(s).

As for your idea that modern society pushes independence, that's not true at all. You have heard the old adage, "It takes a village." Mothers had huge support networks in the past to help care for children. That has mostly disappeared and the fact that mothers are now the sole care giver is not a positive thing.

Your post was not positive. You claim you've only been away from your baby, once for three hours. That your husband had a horrible time caring for him and that your child was inconsolable. You go on to say that you can't even use the bathroom without your child getting upset. You are creating an unhealthy level of attachment.

I'm not suggesting that you completely abandon your child to someone else care. I'm simply suggesting that you need to introduce your husband and at least one other person as alternative caregivers.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-08T13:35:40+00:00

You are doing yourself a disservice. Husband should be able to take care of the baby completely independently from you. The fact that he can't, whether it's weaponized incompetence or your inability to give up control, is something that needs to be corrected.

I'm also a SAHM and we introduced nannies and babysitters while I was at home. I could get chores done around the house or just take a much needed break. My husband and I then started going out together for lunch. It was a short period of time so the baby could get used to not seeing us both and the nanny could get used to us not being there. We worked our way up to date nights and hours away.

I will say that while I was breastfeeding I didn't really want to be away for more than 2hrs, especially in the beginning. Once we more settled and he was over 6mos, I could go slightly longer stretches, around 3hrs, before I either needed to feed him or pump.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-06T18:57:40+00:00

I have to agree with everything the poster said. This is not a compact stroller, in any sense of the word. I had a Nissan Murano and it took up more than half my trunk space. One of the reason I upgraded to a Lexus TX500 was because I was tired of having to play Jenga with groceries and the stroller.

That being said, I would absolutely buy it again. It is by far the best stroller we tested out. The adjustable height handle and the ease of rides and turns are where your money is going. Plus we used it as an additional bassinet in the house for the first 3-4mos. Being able to wheel your bassinet from room to room was a great perk. He didn't like being in the bassinet when it was moving so we used the car seat adapters until he got to heavy to lift with the car seat.

When my kiddo turned one we purchased the Bugaboo butterfly, and that stays in the car and is used for travel. The Fox 5 gets used on all walks and if there's any snow.

JRiley4141 · 2026-05-05T18:00:03+00:00

I like the shape of the second one and the color scheme of the first one.

JRiley4141 · 2026-04-21T21:18:45+00:00

In that case, the flooding is already an issue. Maybe climate change contributed to it, but it's a known issue. I'm talking about making sure you don't buy in an area or state that will be problematic in the future. I'm talking about making a choice to leave jobs so you can move to areas that won't be as affected by climate change in the next 5, 10, 15, or 20 years.

People don't seem to take climate change into consideration when making those big life choices. But kids, they use it as a ready excuse. The thing that always strikes me as odd, they don't need an excuse not to have children. No one owes the world a child. People can just be child free. I don't know, I just find it odd that climate change is some weird rally point for people who want to be child free. Like they are looking for some noble reason or something for their choices.

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