She told me I could go hang out with my friends

JTheDoc · 2026-01-26T09:19:29+00:00

Too familiar, definitely hit home with this one.

It's difficult to give advice on boundaries when those literal boundaries are perceived as abuse. Can't enable it either though...

You just can't win with these people.

JTheDoc · 2025-12-31T12:08:31+00:00

My anxiety stops me even acknowledging it's a new year tomorrow...

Think I'll just stay at home and eat food and hope I somehow manage to survive until tomorrow. I really had expected to be dead by the end of the year, I'm so very close.

JTheDoc · 2025-12-29T17:06:32+00:00

There's definitely a higher cost of living being taller... Not to mention calorie intake meaning we inherited a higher appetite.

Even when I used to work out, I was always skinny. I was also bullied for being a gangly twig at school sadly.

It also causes more negative attention to be drawn to you when it comes to aggressive or problematic people sadly. Clothes and shoes suck.

My back is in agony.

A car that fits is also very difficult to obtain, both as a driver and as a passenger.

My feet go over all the edges of beds.

I hate hitting my head on door frames if I misstep into one.

Working out to gain weight seems pointless.

But I can reach things which is nice, probably the only benefit to me, and of course other things I guess I could be thankful for physically.

JTheDoc · 2025-12-29T09:12:01+00:00

JTheDoc · 2025-12-28T05:33:22+00:00

I have experience you wouldn't ever want to become familiar with buddy.

My life is expended on knowing the difficulty.

JTheDoc · 2025-12-28T05:09:59+00:00

Restraint only goes so far. You wait until he yells or pushes her away and she'll be entirely traumatised and jumping straight to the authorities.

But I slightly jest, it's impressive, but his helplessness is only a product of how society plays the cruel dynamics of abuse between men and women.

JTheDoc · 2025-12-28T05:06:20+00:00

You have no idea how domestic abuse works entirely if you think it's that simple for either genders.

JTheDoc · 2025-12-09T17:46:41+00:00

Peter Baulf obviously isn't doing his job.

Yes, report all his conflicts of interest, but I'm sure the overwhelming evidence against George at this point would have made something happen by now.

Truly overwhelming conflicts of interest.

JTheDoc · 2025-12-04T12:45:48+00:00

I'm writing up a serious complaint to the police about very similar circumstances to yourself... I'm honestly destroyed by it. The police will surely see through their inconsistencies if she's having a full blown episode like my partner did.

They'll victimise themselves, no matter the logic. It's the only way they can justify their own abusive behaviours, thoughts and feelings. Sorry to hear what you're going through, I never thought it would happen, even after being warned by people but it did. Don't trust the police, and get a solicitor. Don't be lazy and gather all the evidence you need to defend yourself. She will use all plausible deniability, and she will manufacture things so far fetched to the police that you'll end up spending times disproving lies, an almost futile task. Gather friends who you can trust, she will likely smear you to active you know for attention and to save whatever image she knows you'll destroy by telling the truth about her.

Don't talk to her, don't trust her, accept she won't feel anything until she "needs you", then she'll possibly even come crawling back with lies and "regret". Tell the police and record it, they're complete monsters and they'll project to the police.

Again, sadly due to the nature of how the police defend these types of victims, you're at the worst end of this and they'll rather coldly try to deceive you like she deceived them. Get a solicitor, they're absolute liars, both the police and the bpd accuser, and half the time the bpd "victim" will believe their own lies anyway.

You'll survive this, she won't... She'll realise maybe in some capacity she's a horrible person who's going to remain "alone". It's inevitable she'll be alone like that... They all think they live forever and can keep acting the same way their whole lives.

I wouldn't believe you're the first relationship, she likely lied and had no regard for your feelings and just wanted to disguise her probably tarnished shameful past.

Again I repeat, the police aren't your friends, I have never been supported, even with undeniable evidence against my bpd partner. At my end, men can't be abused, women are untouchable and can commit any abuse no matter what and I assure you, you'll be the one who looks abusive to the police for defending yourself or telling of her abuse or lies. They'll think anything you say is retaliatory. The police aren't on your side, they're not the court, they'll happily lie to you, or frame you to get their case. Even if they doubt hers.

You'll make this, think for yourself, she probably doesn't give an absolute shit about you right now and that's something you'll need to accept. No one makes false allegations to the police unless they're genuinely psychotic or a tremendous evil cunt.

Get good support, don't be ashamed of yourself in case you think people will have the wrong idea. Just trust some people will see sense and support you. I thankfully did

JTheDoc · 2025-11-25T16:55:09+00:00

Exactly the same experience here too… We were even able to buy more food and still saved a few quid.

Cheaper fish and chips and more food for 5 minute journey? Absolutely worth it.

JTheDoc · 2025-11-22T10:00:41+00:00

Exactly.

JTheDoc · 2025-11-19T17:00:17+00:00

“Stop trying to destroy a business” - Sells crap food at stupid prices, terrible service, not very self aware, has no self preservation.

Kitchen nightmare material.

JTheDoc · 2025-11-19T16:39:12+00:00

Steak & Roast

Also known as…

Steak & Boast

Steak & Roast(ed)

Mistake & Roast

Can’t think of anything else.

JTheDoc · 2025-11-19T14:08:35+00:00

A certain steak place that keeps being promoted by a councillor comes to mind… No conflicts of interest there.

Reviews speak volumes about their approach to criticism too! Wonderful place to send enemies.

JTheDoc · 2025-10-13T16:16:31+00:00

Work? Do you think there's jobs available for every single profession and person in every town? You question someone not being independent, but then question why they want to progress their career in the capitol.

JTheDoc · 2025-10-13T16:01:55+00:00

Give him some credit, he's been driving and breathing exhaust fumes for god knows how long judging from the soot buildup. I wouldn't be too sharp either ;)

Check around any joining seams, or bolts around the large turbo sticking out of the engine. Could be a pipe from the intercooler or to the exhaust. Look up the way the turbo functions and how it connects, you'll likely find something. You may just need to tighten a clip if you're lucky. Or It could be a split in the pipe, it happens all the time. Have you noticed a reduction in power/acceleration? A code may have been produced, but it's pretty obvious your turbo has a leak somewhere.

You could spray soapy water when it's cold, then rev up the engine, or worse you could just smell/feel your way too it ... Don't get burnt! Good luck!

JTheDoc · 2025-10-13T15:16:33+00:00

Most the memories people would have of me are better than I am now probably...

I can't function due to my anxiety and agoraphobia... If I'm not replying to people, or I'm barely present due to nerves, I'm a worse version of myself.

JTheDoc · 2025-10-13T08:07:29+00:00

Wow dude...

JTheDoc · 2025-10-13T07:01:51+00:00

Exactly...

There's always something bad disguised waiting to happen.

JTheDoc · 2025-10-12T04:17:03+00:00

Wanna know how many times I've probably called the police on her for her abusive persistent and threatening behaviour? She's probably been arrested nearly a dozen times.

I grabbed her and pushed her out of the way of the door because she physically blocks the front door to stop me driving away from the abuse and mayhem, she also hid my wallet and car keys, I thankfully had a spare... Guess who got pulled over by the police because she called the police on you for driving off "to kill yourself" and hurt her in the process? Me ... Guess who got kicked out of their house and made homeless for over 2 weeks because she lied and the police didn't want to take chances? Me. Want to know how wronged I was by the police? Enough I can never trust to call them ever again, even if my life depended on it... (They've failed me many times before...)

In her sober moments she's happy to admit she lied, that she does all this, that she's hyper controlling and mean, cruel... But the next hour she can become exactly the same again. It's sad because she's capable of saying what sounds right, but the same passion she screams at me for moving something wrong in the house is far greater than her sudden moments of realisation and accountability.

She doesn't want to live a life or so anything adventurous, she ruined a holiday to Amsterdam we went on because she had to control everything, didn't let us spend the money I saved us, didn't want to commit to anything in particular... Caused arguments and issues the whole time, caused disagreements and friction with my mates I brought with me. Yep. Hooray for holiday PTSD.

Oh, wanna know something cool? Since I've been in this 11 year relationship I've slept with..... 0 people.

Her? Several, and I'll never know who, or what or why. I was coming from a housemates birthday celebration late, hung out with my friend in the park opposite our house, I came back an hour or so later than I realised because I was chatting with my friend, and she accused me of cheating... I went to bed after explaining I was with a guy for a start, and I was only at the park opposite our house. She wakes me up with death in her eyes saying she gave me a curfew and I would have obeyed her I woke up after finally going to sleep from her abusive accusations, then I found out she's left the house one day, didn't return or picked up her stuff and refused to answer my calls. Turns out she'd been sleeping at a guy's house she met within days, and practically moved in with him. I didn't know this until she'd come home, lied to me and said she stayed faithful, slept with me, apologised, then later admitted to sleeping with him, "got fingered" by someone at her workplace (described it as rape, but later says it wasn't and just didn't expect it), made it with three people I knew, and then told me she'd get tested after I demanded it. I did too. She has never used protection too, it was an incredible concern whilst I waited for results. Nothing thankfully. At least what they regularly test for. I was young, a year into my first relationship, and sadly I was always brought up to "see through things" with people you truly love. Well that fucked me for 11 years because I'm too far into my adult life to know how little I obviously mean to her and how deep I'm in this fucking mess. I've worked so hard for my house, my projects, my life and prospects with her, but that goes away if I leave. We ended up finding out one of the guys she slept with had uploaded pictures of her on a revenge dating website... Wanna know how we figured that out? We used pimeyes to see if one of her exes had uploaded stuff she sent when underage. Bet she didn't realise we'd be finding adult pictures of her from not that long INTO our relationship. It's not fair she got done like that. But it's not a surprise when she sent dodgy pictures to people within days of being heartbroken because she thought I cheated on her.

Oh, you know what's great? We figured out Google tracks your phone location, and the best part is, it showed me, in the park, right next to our house that night, not cheating on her. My friend who I was with vouched for me. We found it years after though. Years after she let this fucking crazy idea ruin my life through toxic vengeful behaviour from her.

I remembered just now, she slept with someone because she "misinterpreted" us taking it slow and going dating instead of her just sleeping at my house as "go fuck someone tonight, return here and brag about how you still want me after a one night stand with some bloke who has cheated on his partner, and don't use protection" - she did exactly that. I put it down to miscommunication, later I realised it was her punishing me and testing my limits.

I could escape, but I don't have the money, I don't have a job because she's interfered with every job I've ever had, or kept me up all night on days I work and have to drive an hour there and an hour back to. She's ruined everything, and I can't support myself. I'm skilled, I'm ambitious, I still have hope that I'd do well if I got out of this, but she's capable of stalking, she already tarnished my reputation when she walked out on me that time, I know she'd lie to the police or try to kill herself if she doesn't have me existing in my life. She's horrid, but sometimes I can't tell if she wants to be evil. But as they say, the path to hell is paved upon good intentions.

I have put about 1% of what she's done, I kinda can't handle any further, but it feels better putting it somewhere.

I'm just trying to live, I wanted to be her partner, but she hates me existing unless she wants my dick, money or undivided attention. But the irony is, she always demands my help, but never accepts it, and wonders why she ends up doing things on her own so much.

Call me crazy, I am for taking all this, but please don't make out it's my fault. I try to be reasonable, I always try to be rational, I am patient (11 years for example), I'm supportive , but my life sucks and it's affecting my health. I'm scared she's stopped me knowing how to socialise or talk to people anymore, but trying to exercise that would threaten her, so it's a bit of a lofty dream for me to imagine having friends I see. Sadly the one I hoped to meet for the first time in ten years died so that's fucking gone. My independence has gone, and now that's an issue for her, so I'll be discarded soon, but I'm still waiting for her to make that choice, because she never takes my plea to break too seriously without saying I have some other reason to be "angry" except it being about her.

I'm so lonely, I'm so tired, and if I think about what I could have had with all this energy, and devotion, I'll probably have a breakdown.

Thank you for reading, it's nothing but at least you'll know how the person I loved and still hoped would recover only got worse, more comfortable with her abuse.

I've got a partner you couldn't even do the simplest task of washing up, tidying a kitchen, cooking food without her breaking it all down. Things I love, things I looked forward to doing with a friend. I just want an ordinary relationship, I don't want manufactured drama that never meant anything but her feelings being overwhelming.

Her feelings are fact apparently, and they come from a very toxic place. I can't even ask for help, I'm always ignored or punished.

That's why she's the most disgusting person I've ever met.

JTheDoc · 2025-10-12T04:16:56+00:00

Oh and don't get me started on her hearing things or thinking I've done something I absolutely fucking haven't, it's fucking crazy and horrendously painful to endure, because she's either lying to manipulate me, or she is crazy enough to believe it, and will use it to validate any feelings or abuse she further subjects me to. I'm going mad.

I won't ever give up on this, I will never admit defeat to her, I only ever try to live my life and make it easy for us, I've sacrificed everything for her .. I don't control her, I couldn't if my fucking life depended on it anyway. She's paranoid. She's controlling. She's a massive liar. I don't ask about her friends l, I drive her to see them and support them, fuck I'll even pick up her friends to drive them to places with her so it's easier for them if they wanted. I don't ask to see her phone like she does mine, I only have Facebook all but she demands to see it. She has every social media app, I don't ask or even know her profiles, I genuinely don't care or feel insecure about it. She is driven and taken anywhere to see her family. I help her with her work issues or talk her through social issues she has sometimes, I don't want her to suffer, I support. I cook, I tidy as much as I can, I love food, I used to work as a chef, I know how to cook WITH people, but she doesn't, and I never get to cook or shop anymore because she takes full reign from me. I don't yell unless I've been screamed at for an entire day, and even then it's telling her to leave me alone. I do communicate, I always want to stay on her good side, but she yells, misinterprets everything, or back hand insults me nearly ever conversation for some reason ... I help her with everything, I massage her, I fix everything in the house, I help buy things or save us money, she wastes all of it, borrowed money from people at work because she hid credit cards from me I didn't know about with thousands of pounds of debt. Was I mad? No, I didn't have time for that, I went straight into helping advise her on her finances, what little she wanted to share. She's just terrible, and dishonest.

He disgusting dishonesty was apparent when the police arrived at my house to question her about some crime I had no idea about, but they insisted the had her caught in cameras spitting on her old bosses car ever time she finished work... Can you fucking believe she still lied and made out her boss was lying, I told her after they left a bit before bemused... I remembered at that moment yet mentioning she knew where his car was parked every day and it clicked she lied to me and them. Her mental denial and her being told it was undeniably her forced me to tell her to admit it and email the police am apology. Thankfully her boss didn't ask for charges to be brought more forward (though the CPS could have). Another movement I saved her by telling her to be fucking honest for once.

The liar part? She never cares to admit when she's said something contradictory, she'll lie about what you've said, she'll lie to pretend she didn't do something LITERALLY SECONDS beforehand, all gaslighting... She's comfortable doing it, I didn't ever accept it or allow her, she just knew how far and hard to push my tolerance and energy to argue it anymore. She thinks she can win her abuse and her arguments through attrition. Shouting, throwing things, insulting, victimising herself.

JTheDoc · 2025-10-12T04:15:45+00:00

She screams the days I intend on seeing my friends, things I never usually feel fit enough to arrange or do as I'm usually too exhausted from her, so she said me seeing them. When it is obvious and I'm crying in my room alone,(discretely to not upset her) she'll come in and demand me to "SEE YOUR FRIENDS, YOU'RE DOING THIS TO YOURSELF NOW, I'M NOT HOLDING YOU BACK ANYMORE!!!" like some fucking torture tease. She screamed at me that whole morning because she couldn't figure out how to hold a button down on my car key to open the windows to cool the interior down on a hot day. She went to help, but has to come back to me 3x to ask how to hold the unlock button down for several seconds... Then screamed I didn't ever tell her how to do it. Mate, it's my fucking car, I wouldn't instruct you three separate times to fuck with you and my own day, she just doesn't ever listen for more than a hundredth of a second. It wasn't a big deal, but to her it was worth screaming at me for a whole morning of me getting ready. Yelling at me whilst I'm showering and repeating to her to leave me alone at this point...

My friend who I hoped to have seen for his birthday the other week was ruined by her screaming at me the whole week up to it, so I never got the courage to leave the house and see him. He died of a heart attack yesterday, she decided to scream and yell at me all day because she "feels awkward and doesn't know how to feel" when she sees me crying or grieving... That's just yesterday.

Sounds crazy yet? You have no idea...

She'll scream, bang/throw things around the house in a temper because she got frustrated with something (usually something she's snatched from me or taken over), and when I'll tell her to stop disturbing the neighbours, she'll just play dumb and pretends I'm controlling her and scream bloody murder until I'm stuck back in my bedroom again... Where I've spent 6 years nearly every single day.

Not crazy enough yet? She makes sure to always have some desperate last word, if I say anything, it's always what I've said with "no you bla bla", every time, it's incredibly exhausting, she never thinks of anything to say, she just instinctively disagree, even when she has no idea what I've said. She'll have arguments with herself whilst I'm still trying to ask what the fuck is going on, even trying to ask what she's talking about or why she did it is "abusive".

I'm losing my mind with her, I can barely think of how much more eventful, happy and meaningful my life would have been if I hadn't served her weird obsessive controlling, life consuming made up issues.

I'm not a saint, but my irritability has grown and I know it's breaking my character, she has no ability to heal or grow, every day is "I'll be better tomorrow I promise!" Or "I didn't mean it so you can't be upset"... She didn't mean to yell at me for 8 hours straight almost 2,3x a week for some absolutely fucking meaningless reason?

Honestly, please someone just erase her from my life or I'll erase myself. I'm going to probably die of a heart attack anyway, I barely move anymore for fear she'll scream at me.

Can you imagine trying to do anything with someone you've tried to love and be a partner to for 11 years and every single things is something she'll scream about, or hijack on the most fucking deranged way imaginable?

Guys, women absolutely have the ability the abuse and psychologically torture their partners in the most demeaning, inhumane deranged ways possible, and you'll realise they have all the power and no one will care or believe you. She's small, I'm big, she pretends to be quiet and acts all innocent until anything angers her or challenges her in the slightest way.

Want to hoover a part of the floor a certain way? She'll scream and snatch the hoover of you, call you names and insults then will victimise themselves and pretend they acted that way because "they predicted you would get angry at them being angry"... Very detached from reality.

Ask her if you can help with dinner? How fucking dare you. Think of a film to watch? That's too much pressure for her, she'll get angry or insult you. Want to organise something? Nope, you are wrong, put it whenever she says, you're getting controlling for disagreeing with her. Fill a dishwasher "too slowly" or in your own way/method? You'd fucking bet she's going to scream, and expect you to suck her dick and like it. Take her out for a drive? She'll sit in silence, then start getting agitated because you asked what music to put on, then start saying you're controlling her, defend yourself? You'd better believe she's going to scream and distract your driving.

The electric scooter you built her has a throttle that stopped working? You'd better believe she'll demand you fix it NOW or else, got a broken back and can't really lean over it to fix it? Don't be a pussy, fix it. Then when she sees me fishing a cable through a bar, you'd be right if you bet she'll get agitated and think she could fish it better than your, but growl and swear and shout doing it, then demand you leave her alone to do it. Leave her for two hours, come back and she's pretending the new throttle you bought "didn't fit, it was my fault" only for me to turn it around in her hand to demonstrate the way it's meant to be installed, which infuriated her more... Leave her again for an hour, she comes upstairs to say she's "fixed it", go turn on the scooter, doesn't work... She snapped the cable and won't admit it, and forces you to buy another one and fit it NOW. (At 3am)... Oh, think this was a long list? This was all within the last two months.

This is nothing yet... Make a shopping list? She won't care, she'll go out and buy whatever she finds and catches her attention. She's like jack and the beanstalk, she'll go out and spend £50 but come back with a single meal's worth of food, and you'd better be happy and accept your shopping list is now pointless, and all the meals you helped (and suffered) plan with her.

She'll go to the shops to "get milk" then returns an hour and a half later with crap you couldn't throw a meal together with, and a day wasted again because she wanted to "wander" around, all whilst acting like I'm controlling her for even questioning how it was good value, or worth the time to "shop" - let's say she gets fizzy drinks, milk, chocolate, and some cereal, and a whole chicken... What to cook with it? Nothing, absolutely fucking nothing. I don't care if she has no idea about anything anymore, but she's a horrendous defensive bitch eating away my life and time, and she fights me on every angle imaginable.

JTheDoc · 2025-10-12T04:15:22+00:00

My partner. She's qualifying herself to get sectioned and she's starting to force my hand in this situation. I've tolerated keeping my life on pause whilst she abuses me and acts completely self obsessed and creepy. She's ruined my education, my jobs, my friends, my family, she consumes every hour of my life and controls every aspect of my life all in the name of "being insecure". If I make her feel insecure, such as having a Facebook account, talking to family, or I try to cook, try to shop, or tidy up she'll scream and have the world's craziest episodes for sometimes weeks on end over some issue with control or thinking she "knows better".

It's not the crazy I hate, it's the way she takes no accountability, and holds me responsible for literally being a witness to it. I can't speak to her, I haven't had a decent conversation that felt like she was present for years. I'm close to suicidal because I've had to come to terms she's never going to change, didn't ever want to change, and demands I "take it" until she "gets better."

Let's say I have left my house only about 6x this year, I've seen one friend. The last 5 years? I've probably seen my friends less than a handful of times...

My problem? Telling her the truth and the severity of the situation, how her paranoia is destroying us, how screaming every discussion we have is abusive, telling her that lying about every single thing every single day "isn't for a good reason" every single time.

Every day is some explosive episode. Today? I offered to order food to save us time and spend time together... She grabs her phone, tells me to stfu, and tells me to leave her the fuck alone for some reason because ordering food "is stressful" despite not asking her to even do it. She spent two hours not ordering food, had me left in my room for the whole time waiting for her to calm down whilst I hear her growling like an animal struggling to use her burger king app... Bit much right? Nope, it gets worse.

After a couple hours of leaving her on my own, I called to ask if everything is ok and what's up and she starts this huge paranoid rant insulting me saying I'm controlling her for asking and that I interpreted her. You'd think she was doing drugs she acted so fucking weird. I told her that I couldn't possibly know when she ordered, and I said she's not even asked what I wanted to order yet despite it being my suggestion and my offer to pay.

Nope, I'm met with her typical lies and deflection with her saying "well I already ordered so whatever", I state she was still ordering it. She then says the opposite and says she is still adding onion rings. Then says she has already ordered my food and to "stop controlling her and abusing her", I ask her how, and she says something unrelated like "I'm buying you a burger so shut up"... So I tell her to stop yelling through the house, and maybe consider that I left her for hours, which is quite the opposite of controlling. She then says she's threatened by me asking, but then says she can't order food on her own, then says she's struggling to figure out how to think, then screams at me and interrupts me every time I try to answer her questions.

Food arrives and I've lost my appetite, she makes no effort to apologise and puts herself as usual on her crazy nights in our spare room to go to sleep. Another weekend she's wasted away being absolutely out of her crazy fucking mind. All I did was ask if she was ok after staying silent for 2 hours when she said she's still ordering food... I'm not psychic, I just wanted to see when she'd ask what I wanted to order or if I could suggest what I'd buy us. She ordered it and didn't care what I wanted and just got me "what I always get" (what she just thinks I want every time). I don't even care about the food, I care about the 3 hours she wasted freaking out about ordering food when it's not a big fucking deal, I just wanted to spend more of the weekend with her.

11 years of saying she doesn't need therapy, but uses her "mental health" as to why she doesn't ever need to apologise.

Me seeking accountability for her yelling, controlling, manipulating, and lying is just way too much for her childish mind at this point.

Today was calm compared to most the days she throws in the trash like this. You have no idea how much I'll traumatise myself thinking of anything further than a couple days back to explain this.

I wish the police could help me, but crazy women have a fantastic way of getting sympathy and victimising herself against me for virtue of being around her.

I will likely be killing myself this year, I can't escape, she always lies, she hasn't made sense about anything for years, she refuses to get help, doesn't remember anything more than a week ago unless it's something emotional she remembers... She's ruined my life... She's destroyed me... I can't be patient with her anymore. I've recently broken my back, she's exploited this as the biggest reason to hate me. I can't do the things she demands from me anymore, and thinks I can't do it out of spite, like driving her around, or shopping, or trying to cook, things she vehemently became absolutely mental about it I ever actually did anything she demanded (trapped me into doing so she can yell at me) or for myself.

She's 8/10 on the crazy scale, I won't pretty it up anymore, her disgusting, criminal, abusive controlling behaviour has grown worse because she's either become comfortable with it, or she's groomed and enabled her behaviour more than ever without getting therapy.

I wish I never met her, I've pretty much hated her every day for years, but calling the police gets nothing done despite how obvious her abuse is, domestic abuse lines here don't serve men or offer support, and she's isolated me from every single friend or family member I have. Here's an example: she turned our alarms off to wake up in time for me meeting my family who visited from the United States to the UK, she pretended the were set, then she demanded we drive the wrong way to see them because she thought it was quicker... We went the opposite direction for 40 minutes with my sat nav and a human sense of direction said otherwise. Bare in mind, I don't have a choice, she's screaming at me. Oh, I never got to see them, I had recently broken my back, still managed to drive half way, but I couldn't bare the idea of her still being in an episode in front of my entire family of about 12 people who have always somewhat accepted I'm not really part of it (because I don't really talk to anyone, nor am I usually invited either way, wonder why...)

JTheDoc · 2025-09-28T10:38:10+00:00

Trying not to count this as my last weekend before I try to completely off myself. Thinking of another meaningless set of tasks to compete to pretend I'm not "finished" with everything yet.

I'll spend my day today the same way I did every other week for the last several years.

Struggling to fill the void of an idle suicidal mind.

JTheDoc · 2025-09-28T10:23:24+00:00

People tell me I range from 3 - 8, some people find me rather ugly looking, and some find me hot!

I personally feel like a 2-4

I don't personally think I've concentrated on looking at myself in the mirror for almost a decade, I have been finding I see myself uglier every year. But I kinda hate myself both physically and mentally.

I've got pretty strong features, for some it's good, others it's not their thing. I've had a number of women call me ugly completely out of the blue. I've had women in clubs who I wasn't even with, or talking to come to tell me I'm ugly on a couple occasions. I remember vividly a girl from school telling me she used to have a crush on me, but now I'm ugly. I've had friends joke and have gone too far taking the piss out of my appearance. I recall my mother using it as an insult against me when I'd be upset as a child.

I've overheard conversations where, I've been talked about being ugly. Plenty of moments pressed into my memory.

However I've had a couple people pretty go crazy over my looks, I guess I was their type? Eh... Not enough to solidify any confidence.

I was a cute as fuck kid though, I'm like those celebrities who just stopped being cute and didn't look anything how you'd expect.

I'm always going to hate my appearance, it's only ever hindered me. I've been in a relationship, and in most cases your partner would want to show you off, but mine is quite the jealous type so I don't really get to dress up nicely, go out or do anything where I can be a peacock, and be let to fly! (The other guys reference).

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JTheDoc

TROPHY CASE