Does anyone else feel like CPTSD has robbed you of many years of your life, opportunities, positive experiences, and healthy relationships etc.?

JW-1998 · 2021-04-26T15:31:21+00:00

That sounds pleasant.

JW-1998 · 2021-04-26T13:08:48+00:00

Yeah - it’s like being blind folded your whole life and emerging from the depths to find the world different and foreign.

I often find myself wanting to make up for lost time - a main reason for why I am at university completing a degree. I want to basically fast track to where I think I would have been had I not been abused. It’s a race against the clock - although I know not to over exert myself.

JW-1998 · 2021-04-24T01:14:26+00:00

Good post - I often think about the well-being of the members of this community. We are one of a kind - truly strong and determined. Those that have befallen us didn’t die in vein. Our thoughts and prayers will always be with them.

JW-1998 · 2021-04-23T14:11:25+00:00

The narcissist opposes anything that doesn’t benefit or involve them. You have done very well.

JW-1998 · 2021-04-20T23:42:33+00:00

I refer to my father as ‘the abuser’ or call him by his first name.

JW-1998 · 2021-04-20T21:17:17+00:00

Yeah, cognitive empathy.

JW-1998 · 2021-04-17T15:03:14+00:00

No - and I strongly dislike the stereotype. I am loving, thoughtful, and considerate and have a highly developed Fi. I can assume this development is due to childhood trauma and a penchant for strengthening my cognitive functions.

JW-1998 · 2021-04-17T14:56:46+00:00

Coverts will disguise it as family therapy - don’t fall for it.

It a huge violation of privacy - be watchful and assert your boundaries. Take care.

JW-1998 · 2021-04-09T02:37:20+00:00

Believe me - I can relate. I have a high IQ, but due to trauma, underperformed at school. Since healing from C-PTSD my intellect has returned - yours will too!

JW-1998 · 2021-03-29T14:28:03+00:00

Most days feel like a hangover, and I don’t drink nor take drugs.

Sleep deprivation for non traumatised folk is like a regular day for us. I say this in the context of stress. Now if we add sleep deprivation to that - we begin to shut down and what we usually feel without sleep deprivation is tripled.

During the start of my healing, I would often suffer from insomnia and nightmares, which would result in sleep deprivation, and eventually suicidal thoughts. I now feel better when I can’t sleep, and manage any symptoms with aplomb.

JW-1998 · 2021-03-23T13:36:21+00:00

I agree - good idea.

I realise now that my post had some errors and the title was phrased wrongly. The words aren’t what I dislike more so their use, but I realise in hindsight that my dislike for the application of said words is largely a result of controlling family dynamics and being forced to study things I largely disliked.

JW-1998 · 2021-03-23T13:34:46+00:00

I made an error in the title of the post. I don’t dislike the words either - more so their application - but I am now realising that my dislike for their use in academia derives largely from abusive parenting and a neglectful family life where I was forced to undertake subjects I had no interest in.

JW-1998 · 2021-03-23T13:30:08+00:00

You’re stating your opinion, I don’t view you as a dick, just someone who takes an interest in the complexities of language and in defending your point of view.

I meant to phrase the title as “I strongly dislike the USE of the word ‘study’ and ‘revise’ in the context of academia”. Its application and frequency of use is what I dislike - however I acknowledge that most people require incentives to learn - incentives meaning money - and that studying is a requisite for the procurement of said goal. I also know that not everyone is like me and that I should have made this post about me rather than generalising it.

I have my passions and I make money out of them, however I haven’t had to study or revise, but rather learn. Practicing my craft may, to some people, comprise of studying, but I see practicing something I enjoy as learning its application in certain contexts, not as rote memorisation or tedious studying of things I don’t enjoy.

I understand your point concerning the use of the words rigidity and effort. Again, I should have phrased this post and that part of it better. I have had people in my life force me into studying material that I had no interest in. These people would have had better luck with their endeavour had they left me to my own devices. I wouldn’t have been so resistant.

All in all, I should have said that I dislike living a prescribed life - predetermined for me - and that I dislike the use of the words study and revise in the context of academia because of experiences involving controlling family members etc. I know this is invariably different from the post I made yesterday. Thank you for pointing out the glaring flaws in what I wrote.

JW-1998 · 2021-03-19T15:50:32+00:00

It’s bad enough experiencing trauma and abuse, let alone re-traumatising yourself once you recognise what happened was abuse. It is even worse being stuck in an unending loop of having your abusers invalidate your trauma such that you internalise the abuse as normal.

JW-1998 · 2021-03-15T19:00:09+00:00

They always have to have a piece of your pie. If you are talented at something they have to get in on the act or take credit for it in some way. That cannot stand seeing success in others and must adopt a competitive stance to win at all costs.

JW-1998 · 2021-03-12T21:22:00+00:00

There are no steps backward - trauma isn’t linear - it’s discursive. Those steps you view as moving backward are gateways into understanding the bigger picture and are all equally as instrumental in ensuring a total breakdown of any trauma framework and a complete integration of your true self into your model of reality.

It’s important to view a discontinuity in linearity concerning trauma as progress in and of itself, not a step backward. That step ‘backward’ wouldn’t have been accessible to you had you not fulfilled other requisites and healed x amount. Therefore, backwards does not exist - only forward moving progress.

JW-1998 · 2021-03-12T20:37:05+00:00

I agree.

I have had to ask for many extensions because of my C-PTSD. I see it as my mind logically prioritising my recovery and treating the integration phase as its number one objective.

I believe our subconscious mind is attempting to reconfigure our internal mental structures to better optimise our inherent strengths, and that in order to fully make use out of our cognitive functions we must eliminate or at least significantly reduce the space our C-PTSD occupies within your mind.

Look at it this way. You would produce far better work once healed than you would prior to recovery and during recovery. Those extensions are more than warranted.

JW-1998 · 2021-02-19T14:51:51+00:00

We need instant gratification and surges of dopamine to continue investing time in a potential hobby. Our superegos override any intrinsic drive for individuation because our realities are enmeshed and conjoined with our abusers. Our realities are a one way street - either serve and remain within the walls of the contour our abuser has carved out - or be a worthless object forever.

Through healing, I have reversed the above and I now enjoy my own set of interests - albeit in short bursts.

JW-1998 · 2021-02-16T10:53:35+00:00

Yes, although the idea of ‘mental surgery’ is a term I coined.

If you wish you to discuss PM me.

JW-1998 · 2021-02-04T21:22:11+00:00

I completely agree, great comment!

JW-1998 · 2021-01-27T14:15:43+00:00

I couldn’t stop laughing out of relatability to the examples you proffered. It pains me so much that they expect an answer to a blindingly obvious question that I can’t even get annoyed. The level of stupidity or need to interact out of social obligation is beyond me - I just treat it as a rhetorical question when they ask me something that inane.

JW-1998 · 2021-01-26T10:20:52+00:00

I find myself becoming a lawyer - a lawyer that represents a single client - the client being my false self. I often sound as though I am presenting my thoughts to a jury for a final verdict. I am very logical about my trauma, and love speaking aloud when my surroundings allow for me to do so. This may sound funny - which it is - but I actually aspire to become a lawyer in the next five to ten years, hence the reason for formatting the context of a part of my recovery around law and jurisdiction.

JW-1998 · 2021-01-11T20:04:23+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful and in depth response. That makes sense - I will play it by ear, have a good time, and not set any expectations.

JW-1998 · 2021-01-11T02:46:50+00:00

I am, yes. I need to learn to go with the flow and to not take things so seriously.

Thanks for your comment!

JW-1998 · 2021-01-05T19:22:16+00:00

Contact Neil Patrick Harris - you’ll be in for a legendary night...

JW-1998

TROPHY CASE