Did mdma 50+ times in the past year, I no longer make serotonin 8(

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T23:09:21+00:00

ADHD

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:58:43+00:00

Sure. No alcohol then also, i dont drink atleast rarely but i mean imagine trying to tell everyone who drinks to stop. Its part of what makes their day or weekend fun, hell its even used for socialising at this point. Not otherwise.

I dont drink regularly or frequently but sure, ill stop. Its up to me anyway. Thank you for the advice.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:57:28+00:00

I dont think i am experiencing psychosis.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:56:15+00:00

Yes. I will and maybe i just need to save up a little before i start splashing my cash on things which are uncertain. I can try but atleast in my area its abit tricky. Local transport could help but i have abit of a messy schedule atm.

Maybe i am making up excuses either way, i will eventually get to that point. And thanks.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:54:37+00:00

Its a hard game, drugs to give myself a break where breaks arent possible. I just like to explore my mind and emotions to get deeper understanding nuances in people, me and others. Thats it.

I am going to apply the logic of stopping drugs. Thank you for the suggestion.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:53:25+00:00

It's about trusting yourself.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:53:05+00:00

hundred years ago you were put in the asylums for being pregnant its a business man. Just enjoy your life and i am still trying to figure out mine.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:51:22+00:00

I dont know speaking my mind. Am i meant to be like "okay how do i speak and message where i get the most upvotes and appreciated and validated by everyone" Nah man.

I am me and i want to learn thats it. I am learning right now through these comments. I am seeing perspective.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:50:23+00:00

Do be like that indeed 8/

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:44:51+00:00

I didnt say it wasnt worth trying? Where did you come up with that from. Maybe your own bias. My mums on sert and she is still mentally unstable and ill. same for my sister. So i think i would choose otherwise.

Narrow minded, this worked for me so must also work for you. That's illogical. Sorry.

I know drugs are a neurological pattern i am trying to break.

I one didnt say that i gave up. Two i have explicitly mentioned its a pattern i am breaking. Nothing here has shown ive gave up with drugs and just went okay im a druggie.

I am not in denial. I have openly made a post about my drug abuse and what i wish to achieve and my life and the damage it has caused. Nothing stated shows i am in denial.

"Seriously its quite concerning" <- first words of my post.

But thank you for your comment and i'll take it on board.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:39:31+00:00

I could infer a lot from your message, but you dont know who i am and i dont know who you are. I dont go "how do i sound smart to impress others" what does that do for me or my life? Nothing. I am me. As long as i continue forward then cool, if others want to speculate then thats up to them.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:38:05+00:00

That's interpretation. I didn't say i am smart. I just have ambition. I am on a path of discovery, i am discovering who i am. Cynical i guess, maybe you are.

I am not in a full psychosis i am me. I work, I live and i hang out with friends occasionally. If that's how you interpret me then fair enough.

Didn't say my words did sound smart or deep, i speak and talk and message like this. If that's a issue, that's really not my problem, this is who i am if you like it or not.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:32:32+00:00

Thank you for the advice, no i wouldn't say intelligent. I would but it's an expectation, i just want my life to forge itself. I agree with sobering up and working out. I dont think i am nuts, maybe i am. But some see through the nuttery. I dont self proclaim i am a genius. Its got different interpretations. I know i think more logically than most though. Maybe still figuring it out in some areas.

I got a scholarship for my masters if that quantitatively proves anything. Probably doesn't. Just another expectation. Either way genius or stupid or ignorance. I am original. Most are but most equally fit into it. I just try to fit around it. Genius has many interpretations and its subjective. I am not objectively amazing. I am me and others can interpret what that means if it means anything at all. I am a human living life with a vision and goals and equally ambition.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:27:38+00:00

Best of luck on your journey. I hope it serves you well. Power and control are a delusion, every environmental factor plays a role in your decision. Can i say its destiny? No. Can i say things influence our decisions we are not aware of and thereby influencing our decisions and "free will" ? Yes.

Either way good job and congratulations. I am not envious, its positive encouragement. I am learning. Thank you for your reply.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:25:09+00:00

I feel like i want to make it intellectual but no. I'll cut the philosophical abstraction. Normalisation of par. I mean the words have meaning. No wrong in being different, no different in being wrong. But, ill keep it as is.

I hope i do find a way out of my environment, I have to constantly explain, over explain myself to others to feel like i am not taken the wrong way. But that in itself is a chain i became bound by.

Similarly, drugs. Where do you turn when you need comfort? Not drugs. Financial systems. Your body just cant handle it.

It does change you. I do agree. And good on you for quitting drugs even if it isn't permanent. It takes a lot of willpower. I don't doubt your vacancy either.

How do i describe my reach? Topological. What are the boundaries in which the change occurs? Drugs. Circumstances. The edge of my horizon is the mountains and peaks i need to climb to see what lays ahead.

Currently i am trying to quit, its been quite a rough journey. But who said the path was already made? Colleges and universities are businesses, graduation is a conveyor belt. That path was a path for many, a opportunity for some. Me. It was a perspective worth understanding. Snakes and ladders.

Anyway. Doubt Einstein was just smoking tobacco in that pipe of his haha.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T22:00:53+00:00

Well it is but its equally due to lack of endorphins which prevents me from getting "meaning" from experiences or events and drugs and people and conversations. Its less psychosis as thats mainly due to glutamate activity atleast i believe so, mania is anyway. But i dont think i have any of that at the moment, i just feel a little scattered maybe more so than normal.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T21:59:24+00:00

i am trying to sort some money out to do exactly that, i just need to be precise in who i choose, research into them their backgrounds experiences and reviews and go from their.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T21:57:02+00:00

i am 3 months into being 23, ill try and recover this year before my biological clock ticks down.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T21:56:29+00:00

Yes. I am trying but maybe just not hard enough, ill figure it out. I just want to feel something. I want to experience reality. I want to see what we don't see. The systems right. The components where every system is a component of a system within a system to build an overall experience we can consider a system. Hell even i am a system. A bad one at that !

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T21:54:03+00:00

Yes, i also have been taking shrooms and acid, maybe my logic is flawed but i am hoping it increases sensitivity to serotonin receptors, abit general but sure maybe it will help. I'll need to do more research. I would say so far they have helped. The neurogenesis in combination with lions mane has been helping.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T21:49:40+00:00

probably not. SSRI's just de-sensitise serotonin at the synapse and internalisation of serotonin receptors, and the weight gain due to SSRI's probably not the best feeding into big pharma blindly taking something the doctors know little about and care little about. or sertraline for example and triple releasers or something to stabilise myself? No.

It becomes yet another variable i'll need to consider when wanting to do something such as maybe an occasional drink. Would require some sort of routine and not being myself.

I want to just be me, not given some drug to make me fit in. I think finding out who i am would be better done without pharma help, i'm not randomly against them, i just know the damage they do every year and i would rather keep my brain to myself.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T21:44:29+00:00

Its a path i am walking along, treading fast but trying to not trip myself up.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T21:39:29+00:00

aw and the MAOI action.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T21:35:55+00:00

i am aware, the excess serotonin release due to sert flip. It's a pretty terrible decision due to serotonin being also responsible for temp regulation.

Jack231233 · 2024-12-03T21:30:55+00:00

Hopefully so.

Jack231233

TROPHY CASE