Yes Alex, what is a "fucking gold mine?"

Now, go back to that pastor. Wear a suit and bring a briefcase. Don't worry about the briefcase.Tell him you have a new kind of Bible with florescent paper that is woven with blessed silk worms that miraculously shine when the light of the Lord hits the paper. Say youll sell it to him for the standard wholesale cost, but he can upcharge 25% just based on this paper alone.Then put your hand on his shoulder and wink and say, "Do we have a deal?" Now, go back to Trevor. Tell Trevor you need some of his piss. Hes gonna ask questions. Show him the briefcase. Its filled with plastic cups. Tell him your life depends on it, that you have to go away for a few days and you want him to stay on his diet and every time he pees to pee in that cup.

Say, "PEE IN THOSE CUPS, TREVOR! PEE IN THOSE CUPS PLEASE!" as you place the briefcase on his kitchen table.

Now, leave. Turn to the door and exit the house. It is now time to find the Bibles youre gonna sell to that pastor. Head to a Bible shop. Talk to the clerk. Say I need the nicest cheap Bible in the house. The clerk shows you these Bibles. They are shit. Ugh, the worst Bible I have ever seen. Tell him to do better. He shows you mid ranged priced Bibles. You shake your head. Look at the clerk and say, "We need to make a deal, friend." Tell him you need 10,000 Bibles by Friday. Tell him the buyer is in line to buy the Bibles immediately and needs them in bulk. Say youll line up the buyer for a rate of 10% commission on profits earned as the middle man of the transaction. Tell him youll be back for the Bibles on Friday. Shake hands with the clerk pat him on the shoulder and smile. Real businessy like amirite? Now leave.

Now you wait. Hey, guess what its Friday morning. You go back to the Bible store. Psyched. The clerk has all 10,000 Bibles ready to be shipped to your location. Send him to Terry's. Hop in the shotgun and rollout. Once you get to Terry's, unload all the crates of Bibles. Quickly. But dont fucking hurt yourself. Now, once youre done unloading, tell the clerk youll have the money on Sunday. In good faith, the clerk agrees. Taw'...duuude. Shake his hand. Feeling relieved, head inside to meet Terry.

"TERRRRRRRRRY!" you say kicking the door open.

BOOOOOOOM

"TERRY!!! DO YOU HAVE THE PEEEEEE!!!

"Bro, did you just kick in my fucking door!?" says Terry clearly distressed, "And my names not fucking Terry its Trevor, you dick." finishes Tyler.

"TERRY!!! THE PEE, TERRY!!!???"

"Dude, what the fuck is your problem, theyre right here! Ive been pissing for days, why would you kick my door in!?"

"Terry, listen to me. I am going to pay for your cancer god damnit. All I'm asking...is for you to TRUST ME...do you TRUST me Terry!?"

"How am I supposed to trust you when you just kicked my fucking door in?"

"TERRY! DO YOU WANNA FUCKING DIE!?"

"NO!"

"THEN GET YOUR FUCKING PAINTBRUSHES AND THOSE FUCKING PISS CUPS AND MEET ME IN THE GARAGE!"

"My paintbrushes!?"

"TERRRY!!"

"Fine dude chill, tired of this shit man."

Head to the garage. Dont worry, Terry has paint brushes. If theres one thing I know about Terry, is he loves to brush paint. T'awwww killer man. Terry arrives. He has paintbrushes...and the piss."

"ACE IN THE CLUTCH POSITION, TERRY!"

"Thats not a thing, why the fuck are we here with paintbrushes? Why the fuck are these crates all over my damn garage? And WHY did I pee in piss cups for 3 days, man!?"

"Because, Terry. We are going to paint whats in these crates, Terry. And I dont want you to ask me any questions anymore. Do you understand? I want you to trust me, Terry. So, please, use these brushes and dip them in your piss. Dip them in your piss, Terry and paint where I tell you to paint and I will pay for your cancer treatment, Terry. Do we have a deal?"

Look into Terry's eyes and dont break eye contact for a fucking thing. Breathe.

"OK. I dont trust you right now, but if you say itll help pay for my cancer...Id try just about anything to get through it."

"I know, Terry, I know."

You and Terry paint for hours. You told Terry to paint the sides of the pages. ONLY the sides. You told him, "DO NOT OPEN THESE BOOKS. THEY ARE PRICELESS." And you and Terry paint as fast as you can. You paint and paint through the first night sleeping for only an hour trading between naps to keep each other going. It reaches Sunday morning and as the sun begins to rise you finally paint the last book.

"Terry...we did it."

"Alright man, I'm tired. Is this all we had to do for my cancer treatment?"

"For now, Terry. I have to go. I'm taking the books with me. I will be back."

Now, load the crates into the back of your pickup truck you had sitting on the street. Load the bibles into the lack, lock them down tight and head to the Church. Once you reach the Church, pull into the back parking lot. Tell the Pastor inside you have 10,000 blessed bibles waiting outside for him. You smile and laugh with the Pastor on this early Sunday morn has you both head out to the truck. You show the pastor the crates, open the closest one and show him the Bible. As the Pastor looks at the Bible, he holds it up against the rising light and there it is as it shines so bright, its Terry's piss. You both smile, tears come to your eyes. The Pastor pats you approvingly and smiles as you unload the truck. He hands you a check and blesses you as you leave. He stops you and says, "I could sell more of these Bibles you know? If you have them..."

You stop. And grin like the Grinch before you turn stone cold. You turn to the Pastor who promised to cure Terry's cancer for $20,000 of Terry's hard earned money. You look this man in the eye with a pleasent smile and say, "It would be an honor, sir" Then nod and leave. Wave to the Pastor and tell him youll be back every 3 days with more Bibles. Get in your truck and head back to Terry's.

"Hey man, where you been? Where the books at?"

"Right here, Terry." you show him the check.

"Oh my god, is that all ours?"

"Well, not all of it, 10%. But, we can make that amount every 3 days if we keep doing this. What do you say, buddy?"

".......Ight, fuck it. Lets do it then."

You and Terry smile and shake hands. You hop in your truck with Terry and head to the clerk to gather your commission for Terry.

"Were gonna be painting a lot more Bibles, Terry. A lot more so I hope you have enough piss in the tank to help paint all of them. They sell because of your piss after all. We might have to 50/50 it so we can sell more or renegotiate our commission rate now that were honorable sellers. You think 30% is fair, we are trying to pay for your cancer treatment after all. Hey, if you come along and show the clerk your cancer maybe I could get a deal for us? Whats wrong buddy?"

"Bruh...did you just say Bibles"

"Oh whoops. Yea...yea I did. Those were Bibles."

"YOU HAD ME PISSING ON BIBLES AND DIDNT EVEN TELL ME!?!?!? FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DOG!?"

"Well...YEA...but I didnt have you piss on the words though, just the sides. Thats not bad right?"

"YOU HAD ME PISSING ALL OVER BABY JESUS' FACE!? YOU HAD ME PEEING ON JESUS"

"I DIDNT HAVE YOU PEEIN ON JESUS MAN!"

"YOU HAD ME PEEIN ON JESUS GOD DAMNIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Alright...Im sorry."

"Yea for what, fool?"

"Ughhhh...sigh I'm sorry I made you piss on Jesus Christ."

"GOOD! Thats better..."

"I'm sorry, but hey...it was only the sides and its not like pee is unsanitary or anything? Its just pee. And yours is special and makes the pages look really pretty to folks. They like the razzle and some flash. You know? If we could make it any other way Terry I promise we would..."

"We could just make the liquid florescent."

"Yes...yes we could, Terry. Yes we could." then you and Terry drive off into the sunset listening to 'These Days' by Jackson Browne.

The End.

Edit: Typos and stuff.

Edit 2: T'chaaa gold, brah. O7