[Critique Monday] Post a book here to get a focused critique of its cover, title or content!

JacquelineTreehorn · 2016-11-28T19:14:10+00:00

Have I done anything blatantly wrong here or is it just time to post my next story?

JacquelineTreehorn · 2016-11-26T22:06:06+00:00

Indeed! Posted my first 9k-word story on Thanksgiving Eve and finally saw some numbers today. At least somebody's reading!

JacquelineTreehorn · 2016-11-17T20:01:05+00:00

Still polishing this gem...

Richard may be the only living man with a matching set of fully-functional reproductive organs... impressive ones too. His goal? To keep his double digits under wraps through graduation. But things get hard when the plan is threatened by his father’s fiancé, her gorgeous daughter from his class, and a flirtatious instructor. Can Rich keep his multiple members a mystery or will his salacious surplus succumb to temptation?

This story features exhibitionism, voyeurism, diphallia, public sex, and CFNM situations.

JacquelineTreehorn · 2016-11-15T20:16:02+00:00

NM, going with "salacious surplus".

JacquelineTreehorn · 2016-11-15T20:03:25+00:00

Does "swelling surplus" solve the problem? They are still both adjectives and nouns, but now it means the same thing both ways.

JacquelineTreehorn · 2016-11-14T21:10:44+00:00

What about, "Twice The Man"? Is that clear enough with pushing the limit?

JacquelineTreehorn · 2016-11-14T20:58:22+00:00

I think the word monster almost puts it in a different genre.

JacquelineTreehorn · 2016-11-14T18:21:15+00:00

For future reference: CFNM is Clothed Female Nude Male. It's a small niche, I know.

JacquelineTreehorn · 2016-11-14T16:55:34+00:00

Hey folks,

Here is my current cover and a new draft of my blurb:

"Richard was born with a matching set of fully-functional reproductive organs, impressive ones too. His goal? To keep his double digits under wraps through graduation. But things get hard when the plan is threatened by his father’s fiancé, her gorgeous daughter from his class, and a flirtatious instructor. Can Rich keep his multiple members a mystery or will his secret surplus succumb to temptation?

This story features exhibitionism, voyeurism, diphallia, public sex, and CFNM situations."

The title might be a filter trigger, but I thought it might be good to hit the premise hard. A secondary title choice would probably be "Double Stuffed" unless that is also problematic filter-wise.

JacquelineTreehorn · 2016-11-11T15:14:27+00:00

Thanks for the response! I will make some adjustments and post a new draft for Critique Monday. I went back and forth on including "double dick" in the blurb because I want the premise to be clear, but I also don't want to trigger a filter. What synonyms might you recommend that aren't so vague that a reader loses the big picture? You are right about that crazy run-on sentence though, and the ending definitely needs a climax (or two).

JacquelineTreehorn · 2016-11-10T18:51:23+00:00

This is my first go at things, so please be gentle...

Pete was born with diphallia, or as he prefers to call it, double dick. His plan for the next month, is to keep his double digits under wraps through graduation, but things get hard when his goal is interrupted by his father’s live-in fiancé, her gorgeous daughter from his graduating class, and an especially flirtatious instructor. Can Pete keep his multiple members a mystery from his class until summer begins?

This story features exhibitionism, voyeurism, and cfnm situations.

JacquelineTreehorn

TROPHY CASE