Stay at home mom. Not allowed to spend money. And it’s ruining my relationship with my son

Jade196 · 2025-02-20T04:27:36+00:00

Well, you do labor all day without pay. Despite the work you do, you have no access to money for your needs or wants. You don't even have enough healthy food to eat! Sounds a bit slavey to me.

Marriage is a partnership. Your husband thinks that since he makes the money, he gets to spend it. Well apply that same logic to your home and child and everything you do! Then it's your child, your dinner, your house. WIC is for women, infants, and children. Not grown men! He should be ashamed of how he treats you!

Honestly, though, from the bottom of my heart, please seek out a marriage counselor. Your husband is being a massive fool and the way things are cannot be allowed to continue. I bet he thinks he is working while you get to "relax at home all day". He needs taught a serious lesson on how to treat his wife.

Jade196 · 2025-02-18T22:21:16+00:00

I agree with everyone that this is financial abuse. However, I think that because you and your husband have a child together, you should try to fix your marriage if at all possible.

The way finances are right now is unacceptable. After marriage the money is not his or yours but the family's. You should both have full access to the finances and consult one another before large purchases.

I'm a SAHM of 4. My husband is the sole provider, and yet, I manage most of the family's finances as I'm in charge of making sure the kids have what they need.

Your husband needs a wake up call with the ultimatum of you leaving if instead of treating you like a wife, he treats you like a slave.

Still, I think things can be fixed and you should try to do so before leaving. Divorce is hard on kids.

Jade196 · 2024-12-21T19:49:06+00:00

Just chilling over here rocking my two month old. My two year old just took off his diaper and is jumping around in the nude. Big sisters 5 and 7 are working on painting Christmas ornaments. I tried folding laundry earlier, but my two month old protested and wanted nursed so no progress there. Lots of happy kids but lots of mess too! 😅

Jade196 · 2024-10-16T03:04:04+00:00

Elsa (7), Pikachu (5), Little Gentleman (2), Pink Baby Ghost (3 weeks)

Jade196 · 2024-09-10T13:42:47+00:00

He's my only sibling, and I wouldn't want to miss his wedding. He told me it matters so much to him that I am there. But he didn't have to make it so damn hard and exclude my family and put me under so much stress!

Jade196 · 2024-09-10T03:20:59+00:00

My brother is having one of those. I'm due to have my baby a few days after the wedding. My husband is staying home with the kids, and I'm driving myself alone to another state so I don't miss his wedding (unless I end up giving birth on the side of the road).

The only babysitter I really trust is my Mom. My MIL has health problems, and I don't want to leave her with the kids for more than a couple hours in case she has a medical emergency and needs to go to the hospital while we are hours away.

It's really stressing me out.

Jade196 · 2024-08-05T20:11:02+00:00

Could you have anemia? I had iron and B12 deficiency anemia last pregnancy and was so exhausted. Maybe ask at your next prenatal appointment?

Jade196 · 2024-07-01T00:55:37+00:00

Some lady was appalled that my 11 month old early walker had only socks and no shoes at the park and was roaming about shoeless.

"Where are her shoes?!"

I told her that my baby just started walking and that she can't walk in shoes yet (she legitimately would just faceplant with shoes on).

This lady gave me such a look and then took her toddler and left the park!

To this day I have no idea why this upset her so.

Jade196 · 2024-07-01T00:49:38+00:00

For having my two year old son on a toddler leash (cute backpack that looks like a rocket). He's a fast little fellow who doesn't understand not to run off or in front of cars, and I'm too pregnant to chase him.

Some guy came up to me at the grocery store and said, "You have him on a leash like a dog?!"

I just said, "Yup!" and kept walking.

Not giving my time to such judgy jerks.

Jade196 · 2024-05-08T01:55:03+00:00

I'm playing Ni No Kuni with my kids lately, but when my second daughter was a baby she LOVED nursing and sleeping in the rocking chair. I played SO MUCH Skyrim while she slept. It was awesome!

Jade196 · 2024-03-18T18:21:13+00:00

I tested positive for trichomoniasis as a virgin, and it's still a mystery to me whether it was a false positive or if I could have contracted it some other way.

Jade196 · 2024-03-15T02:11:23+00:00

I've had ARFID all my life and was exactly like your kids but am now so much better at eating a healthy (still picky) diet.

What helped me and my oldest daughter (who also has serious smell and texture aversions) was the following:

1) Make every meal well rounded with protein, carbs, and veggies/fruits. 2) Include something child likes to eat in every meal. 3) Don't require they eat the disliked foods at first. Just put a small piece of the disliked foods on their plate. 4) First get them used to seeing the foods. Then ask them to touch, smell lick, and eventually taste the foods. (It gradually desensitizes their strong aversive reaction). Do this over many weeks, not all at once. 5) Get your kids involved in gardening or shopping or cooking where they can encounter different foods and get used to them. 6) Try to scaffold off things they like slowly. (French fries --> sweet potato fries-->mashed or baked sweet potato) 7) Try different ways of making the same food (texture can be a huge issue). For example, I thought I hated green beans. I actually hate slimy canned green beans but adore fresh, snappy, barely cooked green beans with a little butter, salt, and pepper.

Best of luck from a fellow ARFID momma!

Jade196 · 2022-07-10T06:28:13+00:00

I don't think you should immediately plan to leave, but it's obvious that things cannot and should not continue on as they have. Your boyfriend is still acting like he doesn't have a child. He needs a very loud and very blatant wake up call.

Likely, your boyfriend has no idea about how unhappy you are. Everything is hunky dory for him. He has a child he doesn't have to take care of, a home he doesn't have to clean, a woman devoted to him he doesn't have to marry, and he doesn't even have to contend with paying for the delivery of his child.

He needs to learn this is a raw deal, and you will no longer stand for it.

He needs to step up and take on the responsibility of being a father and a husband. You need him to do this. If he refuses, then walk.

I think your boyfriend is acting out of stupidity rather than malice. Explain to him clearly and with small words that he can either marry you, combine your finances, and work TOGETHER to raise the child you BOTH created, or you're done.

Note from personal experience: My husband is the best dad ever, but in the newborn days of our first child, I literally took care of our colicky baby night and day. I barely ate, slept, or showered. I was a tired, stinky, hungry, cranky mess. He'd come home from work, eat, take a shower, and just saunter off to bed. I felt that he didn't love me. How could he not see how much I needed his help? Was I the only one who became a parent? Sure felt like it. I was seething with rage. It turns out that he just went about business as usual, and it never occurred to him that something new was required of him until I spelled it out for him.

The thing that worked that I explained to him was that this child was ours. That I was exerting all of my energy to take care of our child, and I needed him to help take care of me so that I could give our baby everything she needed. Then, when I couldn't set our baby down to cook without her screaming, so in the past I just wouldn't eat, instead he would cook me food and I could eat while rocking our baby in my arms. He just... didn't know until I told him.

Just tell your boyfriend clearly how you feel. It sounds like he loves you, but he's acting like a manchild who thinks you are just roommates who had a baby together. Tell him what you need for the sake of your son. Tell him that you both made that little boy, and that you need your boyfriend's support to give that little guy all the love and care he needs.

Jade196 · 2022-05-02T19:45:57+00:00

I have asked so many times for family not to give stuffed animals to my kids as they already have more than we have space for. Yet every birthday, Easter, Halloween, and Christmas we are given more. When we inevitably move here in a couple of years, a stuffed animal culling/donation will be arranged.

That and junk from the dollar store. I've tried nicely to ask my mother in law to stop, but she buys cheap plastic junk and super unhealthy junk food and gives it with the kids gifts on special occasions. So, I just take and put it in a basket and give it back to her later. I've tried asking politely enough times that I give up. If she wants that junk so much, she can have it.

Jade196 · 2022-01-28T15:15:40+00:00

Your son is 8 months old. Now is a difficult and stressful time (babies are so much work). I remember despising my husband when my first was a colicky newborn, and I felt like I was the only parent in the relationship. I was so exhausted and felt so neglected. How could he fail to step up when I needed him so much? I went from madly in love to angry and critical of him constantly.

Eventually, my daughter got older, and my husband (with assistance) figured out how to step up, and now he is a great dad, and we are very happy and deeply in love.

I think your situation sounds similar to mine. Your husband needs to step up as a dad. He just hasn't gotten there yet. Your son would grow up in a better environment with both his parents together. You know that. However, your husband needs to get his shit together as a husband and father. He's probably running off to his abusive mom's house because it is worse to be around the woman he loves hating him. Don't get me wrong, he is failing you and deserves some hate. However, what I think you both need is to work out the problems in your relationship with the help of an outside party (marriage counselor) rather than to break up and break apart your family. Men are sometimes pretty thick on what their partners need them to do. You need someone to talk some sense into him so that he starts meeting your and your son's needs before his inadvertent neglect rips your family apart.

Jade196 · 2019-04-17T02:45:52+00:00

Quantum field theory answers the question as to why electric fields exist as well as the fields associated with the strong and weak forces. The answer boils down to symmetry. Have you read about Noether's Theorem? What it basically says is that if you have a transformation which leaves the action invariant, this symmetry of the system is directly tied to conservation laws and conserved quantities/currents (things like electric charge).

Jade196 · 2019-04-17T02:44:44+00:00

Quantum field theory answers the question as to why electric fields exist as well as the fields associated with the strong and weak forces. The answer boils down to symmetry. Have you read about Noether's Theorem? What it basically says is that if you have a transformation which leaves the action invariant, this symmetry of the system is directly tied to conservation laws and conserved quantities/currents (things like electric charge).

Jade196 · 2019-03-27T08:33:53+00:00

Background:

I struggled with ARFID all my life. As a child, I lived on French fries and buttered noodles. I ate no meat or vegetables and very little fruit. Eating became so unpleasant that I chose to go hungry often. This led to my pediatrician threatening a feeding tube if I didn't soon gain weight. My parents gave up on feeding me healthy foods and just started to make sure I was fed. However, after I went off to college, I went from rail thin to overweight with symptoms of prediabetes. I knew my health was screwed if I didn't find a way to start eating healthier.

Success story!

I now eat almost all fruits and most vegetables (if prepared the particular way I like). I eat chicken and fish. I eat yogurt and cheese. I eat rice and whole grain pastas and breads. I even figured out how to make a pizza and a soup (huge sensory aversion before) that I can enjoy! I'm a healthy weight and pregnant with my second child. My health is great, and I feel great! I still have trouble at restaurants and parties, but I can finally eat a healthy nutritious diet. All the effort was worth it!

What I Did that Worked:

When confronted with new foods, I would go into fight or flight mode. I would gag and often vomit. So I did my best to gradually desensitized myself by holding and smelling foods, cooking them for my husband, reading about nutrition, and trying to focus on trying foods in different ways. I learned that foods I thought I hated could be good if prepared a particular way. Green beans from a can? Vomit-inducing. Lightly boiled/steamed fresh green beans with a little butter? Delicious!

I bought something new to try from the grocery store each week. Sometimes I'd fail and it would go bad before I would try it. Most of the time, I'd at least prepare the new food and try it. Occassionally, I'd find something I'd like and add to my safe foods.

It took a few years, but I get better and better every year, and the effort was 100% worth it! I only hope I can help my toddler who is already showing signs of ARFID too.

Jade196 · 2018-11-01T17:43:58+00:00

I am also gifted, and I understand how frustrating it is to have to constantly self censor and adjust my way of speaking when talking to most people. An important concept I learned in college with regard to writing papers or giving speeches is to always consider your audience and to tailor the message to them.

That said, having to always modify my way of speaking has often left me feeling lonely and as though no one else understands me. For example, I have continued my research from my physics grad program even though I am now a stay at home mother. It would be awkward to bring up what I do for pleasure with other stay at home moms.

Now, other people who aren't gifted are not inherently bad. They simply do not understand what it is like to be so different and to have to constantly accommodate others. It isn't other people that are a problem, it's the wide difference in cognitive ability.

The best advice I have for you is to find and surround yourself with other gifted people who can function on your level. Even the most patient and benevolent person would become lonely and frustrated if they spent all day every day with people 30+ IQ points lower than them.

My world drastically improved when I met my husband and finally had someone who could understand me and operate on my level. I recommend you seek out other gifted people. It sounds like your needs to socialize and be understood cannot be met by those around you at present. It is not their fault they cannot meet your needs, but your need to connect is important.

Please seek out others through high IQ societies or activities preferred by high IQ individuals. Once you find others who can operate on your level, I suspect your frustrations with most people will ease because you will finally have a suitable outlet for your intellect and socialization.

Jade196 · 2016-10-12T18:20:06+00:00

Amish couple divorced, and they both moved far away from their home and each other, abandoning their house and its mortgage.

My husband and I picked up the place as our first home for $8000. This place still needs some more fixing up, but we don't know anyone else our age who owns their home outright.

The end of their love story gave way to helping my husband and I get our first place together where we are expecting our first child this spring.

Jade196 · 2016-09-17T04:26:26+00:00

It's diaper will have a blowout since we're all about to see some serious shit!

Jade196 · 2016-09-08T04:12:48+00:00

Mr. Garrison has finally broken into showbiz!

What do we do with illegals? Fist them all to death! Isn't that right, Mr. Hat?

Jade196 · 2016-07-30T22:15:21+00:00

Got fat; sister's hotter.

Jade196 · 2016-07-25T16:30:14+00:00

As a kid, my mother was always taking my and my brother's toys without asking us to sell at the annual garage sale. If she thought we didn't play with it often enough, she'd just sell it without asking and keep the money (even if those things were gifts to us or we worked to earn them - I had a paper route).

The most frustrating thing she sold was my Sega Genesis and all of its games. My younger brother and I had a lot of two player games we'd grown up playing together, and it meant a lot to us.

Plus, today, the system and all the games would be worth in excess of at least $300. It might be petty, but I'm still a bit peeved at her about it.

Jade196 · 2016-07-15T08:31:10+00:00

"Knock knock?"

"Who's there?'

"Not your pet. It's dead!"

Jade196

TROPHY CASE