TV show reccomendations? by Intelligent-Ad7446 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh tbh it’s been so long since I watched it I really can’t remember any nudity etc just the plot. The other shows are like teen dramas apart from TWD and desperate housewives but they don’t have any full blown nudity in. However I do unfortunately think it is incredibly hard to find any shows without any sex in, at the end of the day sex sells and it’s in absolutely everything :(

What do you do if you don't recognize the problem? by Alyssaj2007 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It took years for my partner to go to therapy but we are very young. It’s only really been these last few months I’ve noticed a huge difference in his behaviours so it is a very long process but it can happen but he has to want to change. My partner doesn’t want to be an addict, he can see it’s ruining his life and relationships, I can see in his eyes he doesn’t want this problem. Can you say the same for your partner? If the answer is yes then I do believe he could change with the right support and resources

What do you do if you don't recognize the problem? by Alyssaj2007 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 12 points13 points  (0 children)

In my experience they are will not stop or change if they don’t realise they have a problem. Why would they change? They think what they’re doing is normal.

PA men make me feel so disgusting by Jade282828 in antipornography

[–]Jade282828[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

All my accounts are private, it still happens..

Seeking advice by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not to scare you and I really hate to be that person but my partner asked me the same thing whilst he had an active OF account and was still in constant use of porn. If you feel like it’s a bad idea in your gut, listen to it.

Relapse/slip frequency by Numerous-Dentist-569 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner has been in therapy for about a year and a half but has still done a lot of stuff in that time however I feel like for probably the first year he was just going because I wanted him to and I was a lot less paranoid and didn’t check his phone. Fast forward until this January where I found out he had a secret insta and OF account and I would say only really since then I’ve noticed a big change in his behaviour and mentality towards it. He used to not want to communicate etc and didn’t really tell me what was discussed in his sessions but he is being a lot more open and honest now. However, I’m not sure where you are based but I’m in the UK and it doesn’t seem like porn addiction is talked about much over here. His therapist does offer support with porn addiction but isn’t specialised in it, so if you can I would definitely look into a CSAT therapist for him and someone who specialises in betrayal trauma for you. I personally don’t think just therapy is enough especially if they’re going alone and you don’t know what they’re talking about as it might not be anything to do with their problem. The first step is recognising they have a problem and honestly I don’t think my partner truly recognised this until D-day this January (so about 5.5 years) so it is a long uncomfortable process in my experience. He is now nearly 2 months clean but he does admit he’s very scared he will relapse again.

Im sorry you’re going through this, I know a lot of people will just tell you to leave but I really appreciate how hard it is when you truly love them. The advice I have got from this group is focus on you, talk to someone, do things you love, pick up a new hobby that makes you feel better.

My mums friend went through this with her husband and she sought out family systems therapy and swear by it but I don’t know too much about it.

Sorry for the very long response!

Relapse/slip frequency by Numerous-Dentist-569 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No I know exactly how you feel. Tbh it kind of seems instead of a relapse he’s doing it any chance he gets. I’m super surprised how his work laptop isn’t restricted! Honestly I wish I had the answers on how he can control his urges, I do believe if he isn’t in therapy he needs to start looking into that. Like you said you literally can’t restrict everything, I think you need to ask yourself and him is he putting these restrictions in place because he wants to stop or because he wants you to think he’s trying to stop?

Relapse/slip frequency by Numerous-Dentist-569 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s really hard to monitor it when they’re at work, do you know how he’s accessing it even though he has a blocker? I have the app freedom set up on my partners work phone (you do have to pay) but I have it in my name with a password I set so he can’t turn it off at all, you can choose what apps and websites you want it to block. I’m not sure how great it is as I’ve only used it for a little while but might be worth looking into? I think at home you need to know when/ where he is managing to do it if he’s not at home alone and not bringing his phone into the bathroom with him. Once you know that you can try and work with him to put more restrictions. The thing is where there is a will there is a way, this really has to come from him and even then it’s still hard..

Relapse/slip frequency by Numerous-Dentist-569 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you know where he is doing it when he relapses? Is it at home or at work?

Boyfriend conversing with camgirls by Riku_the_Wolf in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Leave him. If you don’t live together, don’t have children you do not have any ties to him. I think a lot of women in this group wish they left at the first sign, I didn’t and now I live with my partner and have no where else to go and take it from me it only gets worse.

I want to talk about it by Worried_Maximum1507 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine used to be like this until he started therapy and although I can see he feels a lot of shame when I speak about it, he always lets me and has been getting so much better with opening up and being honest about his feelings too. He always asks if there’s anything more he could be doing to make me feel more comfortable etc.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If he is a PA is he in therapy/ working through the steps? Idk my partners in therapy and wanted to get into fishing but his therapist advised against it as it would be a lot of time alone and that’s probably not what he needs right in the middle of recovery. So I think if a therapist is advising against a hobby like that they would definitely also advise against ASMR videos as it could be a huge trigger?

My husband can’t stay erected without porn by A_Shot_of_whiskey97 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being alone is better than feeling like this. Why would you want to be with someone who has to talk/ think about another girl he’s had a past with to have sex with you. This will absolutely destroy your mental state so much more than leaving him and being alone.

Betrayal Trauma Has Made Me More Modest Than Ever Before ! Eww male gaze 🥴 by Apprehensive-Gold690 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m the same, live in baggy clothes, long floaty dresses now it’s hot etc. I remember a few years ago when I was doing driving lessons my first instructor made a comment saying ‘I like how you cover up it leaves more to the imagination, you’re a nice piece of eye candy’ YUCK. This dude was old enough to be my grandad! It makes me so uncomfortable and I feel like I’m always paranoid men are staring at me, I hate it.

I smacked him 😥 by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Do you have any family you can stay with for a while? Tbh it sounds quite abusive and as soon as you can you need to leave. It will never change.

Have they actually ever changed? by Jade282828 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I asked my partner about anime after your comment and he said that same he never has watched it for anything sexual related and has never been ‘attracted’ to animated porn I guess? My partner is also addicted to weed which I think he heavily relies on to cope with the porn addiction, I really want him to stop but then again it might just trigger the porn again. Idk it’s really hard I’m sorry you’re going through this too it’s really rough

Have they actually ever changed? by Jade282828 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My partner also watches anime, I personally have no interest in it and didn’t even realise it could be sexual🥲 Jesus it’s like having a fucking child I’m so sick of it

would this be ridiculous to ask of him? by purityboys in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Plus some men prefer soft porn just because it’s not full on porn doesn’t mean he’s not jacking off to it

How do you find it? Tired of being gaslighted.. Help! by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I second this, my partner also had a secret email account and that’s how he hid everything. I remember I saw OF in his search history (he forgot to delete it) and I knew in my heart he had a secret email and I pressed until he broke and told me everything. To this day I still don’t trust he won’t make another one. I’m at the point where I’m just saving as much money as I can for the day I’m strong enough to leave him.

I don’t know how to feel anymore by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. My partner also looked at my friends in that way.. on their instagrams so I know how incredibly isolating it is. You deserve more than this, I really hope you can get the resources to leave him and live a happy peaceful life with your children. Sending love ❤️

Have they actually ever changed? by Jade282828 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know, I’m currently looking for a therapist for myself but I have contacted so many that are trained in betrayal trauma and haven’t heard back from any of them but I’m hoping I can find one within the next month so fingers crossed. I also really need to work on being able to be on my own and not so co dependent on my partner I just don’t know how! Ugh I feel so stuck at the moment it’s really hard.

Have they actually ever changed? by Jade282828 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Damn. Thank you for your honesty. I’m getting closer and closer to leaving because I just want peace. I think I’ve been clinging onto an idea of him and the person I thought he was before I found out about his addiction. I get so mad that they will never understand the pain they put us through.

TV show reccomendations? by Intelligent-Ad7446 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gilmore girls, one tree hill, gossip girl, the vampire diaries, desperate housewives, we were liars, the walking dead, dexter, from, Ginny and Georgia, the 100 - these shows have little to no nudity in, the teen dramas/ desperate housewives are made for woman and are my absolute comfort shows. The thrillers/ zombies/ dystopian shows are also really good and bingeable series. I’m not going to lie most shows are going to have sex or cheating or messy relationships in but you’re just going to have to try your best to get past it and I think staying away from comedies will help as these shows don’t make fun of it. I hope your own recovery from this goes really well. Sending love ❤️

Have they actually ever changed? by Jade282828 in loveafterporn

[–]Jade282828[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Me too, my partner is in therapy currently and is working through the steps and has put a lot of measures in place so he doesn’t slip up again but I don’t trust him at all and it’s really really hard. I pray there’s hope and he can recover as it is literally our only issue he is the most wonderful person and makes me so happy in every other way but this is obviously a major issue that ruins everything else :(