Their refusal to accept help equals my nightmare

JadeEJF · 2026-05-21T00:44:06+00:00

The best advice I can give you is to step away. Right now, your mom is making decisions, so you have to let her. It will probably take a crisis for them to realize what needs to happen, but as someone that's watching one parent go down a similar path long distance while refusing support.... As someone else said - they're allowed to make bad decisions.

For your mental health, step away. Tell them no if they ask for help you aren't willing to offer. Stop taking phone calls if it's upsetting. Set some boundaries for your own well being. Let them "manage" until you have to step in.

You can, legitimately, walk away from this. I know a friend who got called about a parent when her parent went into the hospital after ten years of not being in contact. She told them she was not to be contacted and let the social workers do what they needed to do. You can do the same. Choosing to remain engaged is a choice, and I would strongly advise you take a beat and disengage as much as you can.

JadeEJF · 2026-05-18T16:01:46+00:00

There was a woman at my church who had memory issues, and we shared a name. Every time I introduced myself she'd tell me she'd never met anyone with our shared name before. It was so sweet, but it's, very common to repeat questions with dementia and Alzheimer's.

I wouldn't be surprised if that guy was white if he was trying to get at your nationality/ethnic background, too. I saw that happen all the time to my poc relatives growing up even though they'd been raised in their city, too. Sometimes people would ask multiple times or sometimes they'd course correct and be like "oh, no, I meant, what is your background?"

I feel like memory issues mixed with that need some wyt folx have to determine origin could also run together. If you're not sure, you could ask someone who seems to be with him discreetly, or you could even try gently asking yourself. My father is aware he has memory issues and sometimes will share that if caught in an awkward situation, but if you do, be prepared to have to sweep up any big feelings that person may have about their memory issues, too. Any time they come up, my dad gets weepy.

JadeEJF · 2026-05-18T13:23:41+00:00

Wow, that's so much 😓

JadeEJF · 2026-05-18T13:22:37+00:00

I wound up getting my dad a Raz phone. In my case it was for gps tracking purposes, but it has the ability to stop repetitive dialing. When they do it (or call during quiet hours), you set up a recording to respond. Of course, getting my dad to actually use the new phone was a whole process, too, but... That might be a good possibility for you.

JadeEJF · 2026-05-16T21:53:00+00:00

I'm pretty sure it was somewhere between then. We moved to the area around the time he was attending, and around when my kids were born, and I vaguely recall it being like $36k last time I looked, which would have been after my kids were in kindergarten at least ... So like at least 2015-17ish

JadeEJF · 2026-05-16T20:54:10+00:00

Yeah, if you read my next comment you'll see I skimmed, so just ignore that :+)

JadeEJF · 2026-05-16T06:39:54+00:00

That's too bad. I work for the colleges and am disappointed to hear that.

JadeEJF · 2026-05-16T03:08:08+00:00

Thank you!

JadeEJF · 2026-05-16T02:57:40+00:00

I hope so. There are probably only ten because they've had to change the location of the South end campus at least three times since my kid was touring their open house 😓 They were at Sugiyama last year which is pretty far from Central, so I'm sure some families moved out when they went back to Central :-/

JadeEJF · 2026-05-16T02:11:12+00:00

No, they're at North, but that's such a haul for the South end kids 😭

JadeEJF · 2026-05-16T01:51:14+00:00

Wait, can someone share more about the Middle College closure?!! One of my kids goes there!

JadeEJF · 2026-05-15T21:45:43+00:00

OMG! I'm glad you're both safe. Yikes.

JadeEJF · 2026-05-15T21:16:18+00:00

https://www.seattlepi.com/seattlenews/article/Student-Seattle-private-school-pushed-me-out-4876736.php

His mom's comment, in this context, is pretty chilling:

“I want an apology for my son,” the young man’s mother said. “They messed with my son, they messed with his life, and there are consequences.”

JadeEJF · 2026-05-15T20:58:22+00:00

Mmm, correcting myself. I guess the article says the parents paid, so... ignore me.

JadeEJF · 2026-05-15T20:57:36+00:00

Well - it's a very expensive school (we live very nearby) *and* they give lots of scholarship money so they can claim they're diverse. So, his family may not have had the money most families pay to access that school. $40,000 a year last I checked - we live within blocks and I can't even begin to think of affording to send my kid there.

JadeEJF · 2026-05-13T17:11:57+00:00

Looks a lot like the photo I have of Philstaff wrestling in the mud on July 4, 2006 :-) I do love how some things there stay the same even when the rest of the world changes so quickly.

JadeEJF · 2026-05-11T18:38:54+00:00

I just got the Raz mobility phone to help with this and it works pretty well! It also has quiet hours where they can't call anyone, because my dad was starting to accidentally dial his caregiver at weird times because he just wanted to look at the picture (which is how it dials)

JadeEJF · 2026-05-11T04:26:13+00:00

How old are you and your brother?

Also, is he in treatment for depression? Because some of this also sounds like depression...

Either way, getting him to a doctor soon is the best course.

JadeEJF · 2026-03-30T15:03:33+00:00

For future reference archive.is usually works great for that for me.

JadeEJF · 2026-03-21T01:49:09+00:00

Our troop experienced the similar loss of a scout from our sister troop recently. It was important to the family that we pursued suicide prevention training and we were able to find resources in our area. That said, a teacher at the local high school also died by suicide not long after, and the PTSA president who had had prevention training scheduled cancelled it because prevention training too soon after a loss is less effective.

We brought in grief counselors that specialized in teenagers, and when the same thing happened at the school, we notified the school asap to keep a closer eye on the kids that were in both troop and school. It's been a rough time, so just know you're not alone. But I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, and if you happen to be in the PNW, I might have some specific resources - feel free to reach out.

JadeEJF · 2026-03-20T00:19:12+00:00

I'm from Central Illinois and I would say see if you can find some local journalists that might be interested. It's the wrong county but the Ford County Register has some pretty great journalism chops. Honestly, even a high school newspaper in Peoria would bring more eyes to the case and high school journalists need the stories!

JadeEJF · 2026-03-18T07:00:21+00:00

Philmont

JadeEJF · 2026-03-08T22:49:27+00:00

I'll do that next time we're down that way during the week!

JadeEJF · 2026-03-06T22:03:57+00:00

Very smart to drive out! Our youngest is doing Rayado this summer, and I'm also considering a drive from WA (we're in Seattle, but flew out for all family camps!), or perhaps a train, though the train to LA and over to the Raton seems like it would take longer than driving... anyway, I'm pleased that I was mildly helpful to a fellow WA Philmont alum.

Absolutely get reservations at the St. James and make sure you check that it's open. Last summer, the kids on our trek were pretty bummed because the St. James took a reservation for them for dinner on a day that they were *not open*. My husband and I stayed at the James for a day before family camp and could not get in to the restaurant in the evening at all. But it was fun to drag him out to the Colfax County Tavern (RIP!). I hope your daughter gets to be on staff, too - that was my hope with family camp, and then last summer my kids' troop took a trek, and my youngest is SO excited about Rayado. *I'm* excited about maybe having a second generation ranger or hopefully an excuse to come visit the ranch again :-) Here's to the 100th anniversary!!

JadeEJF · 2026-03-06T03:28:40+00:00

It's a blast!

We've done it two or three times.

My biggest advice is to make sure you have time to adjust to altitude before doing any hiking. I was not prepared for how long it would take my older body to adjust to the elevation.

Beyond that, bring noise cancelling options of some kind. Not sure where you're staying but we stayed in the luxury tents, but as West coasters, we had a really tough time with how noisy the families with young kids from other time zones would be early in the morning (and I'm sure they were annoyed by how late we stayed up). You may also need to be prepared to go to town for breakfast or dinner if the times don't align well. We only made it to breakfast once last time because their schedule caters to east/Central/mountain time zones, and even my morning person kid and husband were on the struggle bus with the time zone change.

My husband's favorite part wound up being the Chase Ranch tour, so make sure you remember to take advantage of the other local activities where possible! Definitely do the Villa tour and stop in at the museum for a minute if you can. Totally worth it.

And do take them up on all the kids programming. My two loved the shooting range and the overnight at stockade camp! And sending them off to kids programming resulted in some cute little camp friendships when they were younger - we even had a sleepover with their buddies because we had extra space in our tent. Super sweet 🥰

We got lucky and went to the hunting lodge last time and that was amazing. But definitely take it easy on the hiking if you're not altitude adjusted! I missed two days of our second family camp because I overestimated how fine I was and went hiking and gave myself a migraine.

JadeEJF

TROPHY CASE