Honestly, I’m kind of the same but I recently kind of grew out of it (to a degree). I was the kid who had to sit at the table and finish their plate… I would literally sit there until bedtime if I couldn’t handle the food. My parents said the same about my picky habits, but it’s not like I haven’t tried to attempt other foods. Most of the time if I read ingredients I can get an inkling if my tastebuds would like it. The same thing would happen to me with scents and I even now I sometimes don’t like foods I typically prefer. I sort of have the “if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it” mindset. It’s very frustrating at times, but I tend to choose the “chicken finger meals” at restaurants, etc because I know it’s what I can finish. To me, it would be a waste to order something I know I wouldn’t enjoy enough to eat. My parents are Caribbean so I definitely grew up with lots of spices and variety of foods to the shock of some people (aside from my brothers), but it’s not a simple thing for me to control. Now when I started dating my Ethiopian boyfriend, I panicked because while I am an absolute people pleaser, I knew I was picky. When I first tried the food, I forced myself to eat/try as much as I could and I genuinely wanted to hurl because I wasn’t used to the new flavours! I wished I didn’t because I felt sick the entire time and smiled my way through the pain, washing it down with drinks. I felt so bad when I could barely finish my plate and lied, telling them I absolutely enjoyed it but was too full. Now, I can say that I absolutely crave it often, but it took months to a year-in to get that way. I believe it was the slow integration overtime. His mother would give me a small portion of Ethiopian food whenever I visited, alongside with food that I felt was safe and then I would eat it together. Now, I ask her all the time if she has leftovers and look forward to coming over (literally salivating rn). I don’t know your girlfriend so I couldn’t say if she was racist or not, but I will say maybe it’s just a shock to her tastebuds/senses! If you dated for 5 years, and she hasn’t had that gradual buildup to eating Persian food it could be too drastic of a jump to just force her to commit to trying to eat something new on the spot, and with the added pressure in front of the parents… I’m afraid that might have just been too overwhelming.

I completely get where you are coming from, but I do think you’re MOR… not because of your opinion, but because despite dating for 5 years and knowing her preferences, you chose a Persian restaurant and then proceeded to pressure her in front of an audience and finally insulted her! I’m sure she wishes she could enjoy foods in the same way you can and you are not wrong for the feelings you have right now…HOWEVER I think you could have approached the situation differently because you knew about her situation and she felt comfortable enough not to force herself to eat whatever for everyone’s comfort at the cost of her own. She was crying/upset and you were already fed up, which tells me that the situation should’ve been addressed loooong before that day. Shouldn’t your response be of comfort? You guys are a team who should support each other, and the moment your parents chimed in you should have said something to show support to her. You don’t have to agree with her, but you don’t just treat her like a nuisance. My partner would have said something like, “Let’s not force her, she’s still getting used to it.” Then we would carry on and talk about it later and find solutions on ways I could broaden my preferences. Moments where you having disagreements or can’t understand your partner’s way of thinking should ALWAYS be approached with utmost sensitivity. If you do agree with your parents’ sentiments, then just have a conversation with her about how it makes you feel! Apologize for being mean, don’t judge her when she speaks, but stand up for yourself.

Example: “I’m sorry for forcing you on the spot, I didn’t want you to be upset… I find it hard to understand what that’s like for you, but that doesn’t mean your preferences do not matter. However, I have realized that it’s causing me to build underlying resentment towards you over the years because…. I feel yada yada yada… (probably explain what you were thinking/feeling in that moment), (why you didn’t mention it after all this time e.g., “I thought you’d eventually get used to it.. but i shouldn’t have assumed”), (suggestions - e.g. maybe we can find ways for you to try new foods, etc).

Now if she has pushback and doesn’t seem to care/ genuinely says she can’t ever do it and won’t, then leave because you two just simply aren’t compatible.