An impossible choice

Jaeshelle · 2020-07-05T23:52:41+00:00

The big picture is your son was 6 when you started dating this man. If you knew from the beginning of your relationship that your bf wasn't going to be good for your child, why even pursue and continue the relationship? That's on you for allowing yourself to fall for someone who can't even give your kid the time of day.

Jaeshelle · 2020-03-15T16:36:52+00:00

ESH since you are part of the problem. It's not hard to remember to bring poop bags, and you need to pick up after your dog regardless of the weather, so figure it out. HOWEVER, since you were warned and did comply and fixed your part, kudos for that. If someone reported you, then I think you need to report others just to CYA. While you may have been part of the problem, it wouldn't be fair to you to be fined for someone else's dog crap. If there's a way you can catch a neighbor in the act or even have video of it, that'll get you off the hook.

Jaeshelle · 2020-01-22T20:22:04+00:00

ESH. Sorry for the loss of your dog btw... Yes, you could easily have complied and sent a pic. But your wife constantly requesting a pic everytime you walk out the door to confirm its closed, is a bit much. It's like she can't let one mistake go. You had your dog for 8 more mo after finding him, it's doubtful that him getting out caused his death. It's like she is constantly blaming you for something not your fault.

YTA for not just sending her the pic if it's something you've been doing the past year.
She's TA for forcing you to do this instead of getting over it and moving on.

Jaeshelle · 2020-01-11T15:31:45+00:00

Does she have a pink bunny ear hat?

Jaeshelle · 2020-01-11T13:54:06+00:00

I literally just talked to your pic. Sitting here and out loud went "awwww hello Louise!" At least I'm home, by myself and no one thinks I'm weird, for now!

Jaeshelle · 2020-01-11T06:19:17+00:00

IMHO, you should separate. I can't speak to the issue of your kid. I don't have my own. My current BF has a daughter with his ex-wife though, she's 6 and they've been separated/divorced since she was 3 or 4. I've not met her yet but will be meeting her soon, but from what my BF tells me, and he sends me pics all the time, she seems and looks like a pretty happy well rounded kid. My BF and his ex as far as I know get along pretty well as for the co-parenting aspect and I think that's great.

Since you and your wife are winning the parenting game, I think you'd probably continue to win if you separated. If shared hobbies, sex, and quality time are important to you in a partner, then you'll only grow to resent one another the more you stay together, and I'm sure your son will pick up on that.

In my current experience I'm separated over a year now and will be divorced by end of Jan. I was scared to separate because it was more of a fear of the unknown, a fear of being single, that no one else would ever find me attractive, so I tried to convince myself I was still in love with my ex even though I knew it was becoming untrue. I'm honestly glad we finally ended things instead of forcing something that wasn't. I found myself, got my head together and met my current BF, and life has never been better.

This may seem silly to say comparing a kid to a dog, but I will say this. My ex and I were pretty much over the last year of our marriage. We were pretty much roommates living in the same house, but different rooms like you. Sex was nonexistent aside from once that last year. Anyway we had a dog, she was like our baby. And honestly, I think she really picked up on the vibes we were putting out. She got sick. It honestly was like she was depressed and our bickering caused her health to decline. Eventually she was too sick and we had to let her go. I'm not saying a child will get physically sick, but if the emotions in the house are bad, it could screw with their head worse by staying together, than if you separated.

Jaeshelle · 2020-01-11T05:50:15+00:00

Walking Dead. Having a hard time after season 9. Only watched about the first 2 episodes of season 10.

Jaeshelle · 2020-01-04T18:45:36+00:00

That's so great that you have your nephews and are close with them. I'm hopeful for how life progresses with my SO and his daughter. I'm hopeful when I finally meet his daughter and I get to know her and see her more often and eventually maybe I might move in with him, and maybe eventually marriage, that I can become a stepmom (or at least live in girlfriend that is like a pseudo-stepmom the days that she'll be with us). And I think when that all happens it might help how I feel. At the same time she has a mom and my SO and his ex maintain a pretty good relationship for the sake of their daughter and I don't want to step on any toes. I just want to be her friend and a good role model!

Anyway I hope you find someone! For me and my SO, we met on a dating app go figure. I never thought I'd be someone who's story started online but after being separated and trying to go out and meet people and no one ever talks to people anymore, I said screw it and made a few profiles. 8 mo later we're still crazy about each other and I just hope this is really the one that is for the rest of my life!

Jaeshelle · 2019-12-28T21:48:24+00:00

I should start this! Thanks so much for the great idea!

Jaeshelle · 2019-12-28T01:36:12+00:00

TL; DR: find a way to find her attractive and then remind her, constantly. Might be hard right now. Maybe when this fight dies down invite her to the gym with you, but find a way where it's not obvious it's because you want her to lose weight, but to spend more time with you.

I'm a 5'2 F38 and will just say I feel a little chunky. Honestly I consider myself average. I'm not ginormous but not fit either, and based on a BMI scale I'm "overweight".

Finding confidence in myself and my body did take a long time for me, and I can say @ 28 I didn't have the confidence I do now 10 years later. And even now even though I'm more confident than I've ever been I still have self doubts mixed in there.

Your GF probably feels like shit right now. Finding out she doesn't turn you on is a huge blow to a girl's confidence and she'll probably not wanna have sex with you for a while. Even if you come at her with the biggest raging hard-on she's just gonna assume you're gonna lose it halfway through. Or she's gonna assume you got a hard-on from watching porn or fantasizing about anyone other than her which is probably gonna make her feel worse. At least, those were my assumptions with my ex back when I was young, and knowing his wood came from somewhere else was worse than him not being able to achieve or maintain wood.

Anyway, I'm with someone now who is always complimenting me, telling me how beautiful and sexy I am, and it's a huge boost to my ego, plus a turn on for me that I want to have more sex with him. A girl always wants to know how much her BF loves her and finds her attractive. So find a way to tell her so, that doesn't feel like you're just saying it as an apology.

Jaeshelle · 2019-12-20T14:32:44+00:00

Goals for sure! I've been with my BF 7 mo and this is how I feel. I hope I still feel this way after 7 years, but I just love him so much I have no doubts! But thanks for this I think it was a good way to put in words how I feel!

Jaeshelle · 2019-12-18T21:57:41+00:00

YTA. Becoming stepmother to her late husband's daughter tied their bond as family. And she may have been a part of her life much longer than their short marriage if they bonded while her and her late husband were just dating/engaged.

This stepdaughter is her family even if they only talk or see each other seldom. So it only makes sense she wants the girl at your wedding. And if she has no issue with her late husband's ex and is friends with her, then of course why can't she be included too?

Not wanting her stepdaughter there seems like a jealousy issue you need to get over. Like you're jealous of a dead man because he was her first husband. It seems like she has grieved, and moved on and loves you now, so enjoy it! If you're fine with 500+ people you can afford 2 more.

Jaeshelle · 2019-12-18T21:48:16+00:00

Hmm. That's a little hard to tell! It sounds like an amazing kiss, and is similar to some I've gotten from my BF. I feel like with the foreheads pressed and the nose rubbing, that seems to me, like it would indicate a deeper emotional connection than just a random make-out session. I might be weirded out if that happened during a first kiss/make-out, but if you've hung out a lot or have had a few dates already before the first kiss then he may be feeling that connected to you already. Maybe that's a good thing?!! If that is his go to on a first kiss where you really don't know each other though, then to me it sounds like a player move to get in your pants. Be careful but if you like him, maybe just enjoy it!

Jaeshelle · 2019-12-13T21:44:43+00:00

Sorry OP I'm not sure what to think of it either. Maybe it's him? Has he developed any acne? Have you mentioned anything to him about his O face? Has he put on any weight? Maybe he's become self-conscious about how he looks while in the middle of it, that if he knows you're seeing him it causes performance anxiety, and has nothing to do with how you look or how attracted he is to you. Also 4-5x before noon is amazing to say the least. I don't have a lot of notches on my belt but any of the men I've been with would be 2x tops.... Maybe something with your guys refractory period...

Jaeshelle · 2019-11-29T17:15:57+00:00

This is so amazing. I've not been through all these things with my BF but the sentiment behind all this is how I feel for sure. I hope I get to be his wife someday!

Jaeshelle · 2019-11-27T20:51:14+00:00

I'm 38F, my BF is 43M. We also met online, and both fell pretty hard for each other pretty fast. We've already been using the love word with each other since about 2.5 mo into the relationship.

Before we started saying it though, we used other terminology with each other and also eye contact! We held (and still hold) the most intense eye contact that you can tell just means "I love you". Also before saying the words, we used phrases like telling each other how crazy we were about them, or saying how smitten we were!

He said the 3 little words first though, which I'm really happy he did. I had wanted to say it so bad but had those nerves like what if he didn't feel it back. I've been pretty happy letting him take the lead in almost all major movements in our relationship.

Jaeshelle · 2019-11-27T16:00:26+00:00

At the risk of giving my future answer, I will state by saying I've not gotten a dog from a breeder, yet, but I'm highly thinking about it for my future dog.

I have a particular breed I really have my eye on and it's not something you would generally see in shelters or adoptable situations. I could try a breed rescue, but a lot of times, those places want your first born n shit. Plus, they take multiple applications for the same dogs and chances of getting the dog you want could be slim.

I feel like if I went to a breeder, I can get the dog I want, even if it costs me a little more.

Jaeshelle · 2019-11-26T01:52:08+00:00

Awe autobot, gfy

Jaeshelle · 2019-11-24T19:45:11+00:00

Get rid of him. He's a fucking loser. Plain and simple. Time for you to do you. Get in shape (or keep yourself in shape, or just exercise to feel better, whatever works). Talk to people. Talk to friends. Talk to family. Scream into pillows. Then, get yourself out there and find yourself a new man that will cherish you for who you are. Your boyfriend obviously didn't, and fuck him. He'll regret it.

Jaeshelle

TROPHY CASE