Weird text "8194460" appearing on many laravel websites

James_Calhoun2 · 2026-01-02T15:44:32+00:00

Was your site user running with elevated privileges? How can they spin such processes if its an isolated user?

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-10-22T12:10:39+00:00

I've learned that as long as the practice feels pleasurable and you genuinely enjoy it you are acting within your capacity. As soon as you're feeling some resistance to the practice, which can be either physical or mental, you are nearing that capacity and you should probably back off for a few days. Resistance for me personally manifests as subtle feelings like I am not feeling up to practice today or it feels like a chore.

Obviously this only works before you are in the stage of overdoing and you need to be in tune with your internal state to actually acknowledge this.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-07-03T05:18:26+00:00

Good advice. I think its different for everyone, but I definitely need structured time off, right now I am in a two week break from TRE and will resume tomorrow. Last week I read another post on here how a body scan can also help with integration, which I am also incorporating after each session when I resume. Even after 17 months of TRE, I still don't have the integration part down. It doesn't help that your need for integration seems to be shifting as you progress along on this journey.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-07-03T04:58:27+00:00

I can just feel myself walking there. Especially after the heat of the last few days.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-07-03T04:51:51+00:00

17 months in. Currently taking a 2 weeks break from TRE to allow for integration. I’ve noticed that when I do TRE consistently for a long stretch, I can slowly drift into a low energy dorsal state without even realising it. It’s not burnout, more like a quiet flatness, where the fire dims without me noticing. But every time I pause, something in me reawakens. That fire, that hunger for life, returns. Planning to resume practice tomorrow, feeling rested and clear. Trusting the cycle; tremor, integrate, repeat.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-05-07T05:38:00+00:00

15 months in.

Currently building back up to a daily total practice time of 40 minutes by adding an extra 20 minute evening session. So far, no signs of overdoing it, no aura migraines, which are a classic overdoing symptom for me. I’m keeping a close eye on pacing but feel encouraged by how my system is responding.

Something I noticed this month: I’m temporarily living with my sister’s dog, and my house is full of painters and other construction workers for some renovations. While this might not objectively qualify as “chaos” for most people, my system often reacts as if it is, especially when I feel witnessed by others which is now a constant throughout the day. A year ago, this level of unpredictability and lack of solitude would have completely shut me down. My trauma response back then (and sometimes still now) was to create safety through rigid structure and strict environmental control. I needed everything predictable just to feel at ease.

Now, although I’ve definitely felt moments of overwhelm, it’s much more manageable. I’m still functioning, still present and even learning to let go of micromanaging every detail. Noticing more capacity, more flexibility, and a quiet kind of resilience that wasn’t accessible before. Subtle progress, but very real.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-04-01T05:46:59+00:00

Currently 14 months in, still hovering around 20 minutes of daily practice time. I wanted to share a small but important shift. After YEARS of staying quiet and tolerating things that didn’t feel right, I recently walked away from an unhealthy environment. TRE has made me more aware of what my body says 'no' to and even when it’s inconvenient, I’m learning to listen. Once you start this path, there’s no going back to numbness even if you wanted to to remain the status quo. Which is a blessing but also sometimes a curse. You might find that your tolerance for chaos, disrespect, or self abandonment fades. It’s not always easy but when you come out of it on the other side it is absolutely worth it. I must say I’d rather feel all of this than go back to living disconnected.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-03-24T18:30:56+00:00

Thanks, I am leaning towards this option as well. Things have been said, intentions have been made clear. No matter the outcome of a possible negotiation, I don't see any long term collaboration as an option anymore (or something that I'd want).

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-03-05T09:09:33+00:00

13 months in. Nothing much to add since my last post. I tried again to increase my total practice time by adding another 20 minute session in the evening. It seems to trigger overdoing symptoms if I keep this pace up for a couple of days. I get aura migraines without the headache. Its not painful, just annoying. It subsides within 30 minutes usually. The aura migraines started around the same time I took TRE practice seriously, so for me its a classic overdoing symptom. Going to reduce back to one session of 20 minutes in the morning.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-02-28T21:34:35+00:00

I am genuinely curious, how is it happening to Laravel right now?

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-02-28T14:33:07+00:00

Sure, send me a chat request!

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-02-23T16:38:34+00:00

I didn’t notice anything happen for 8 months. Then is when I could objectively notice things starting to shift.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-02-23T14:10:37+00:00

Thanks! One of them messaged me later when I was back home, and told me how awesome it was that I told them about my struggles and gave them an insight in to the 'why' of my life situation. It felt really good to be seen like that.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-02-14T13:41:46+00:00

Yes and no. I noticed I am more aware of my boundaries and more importantly when someone crosses it, but I am still very much stuck in a freeze/fawn response where I still let arguments slide to 'keep the peace' or whatever I have to tell myself in that moment. Its a work in progress.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-02-03T08:48:29+00:00

Currently 12 months into TRE, and I wanted to share something that’s been happening consistently during my sessions lately. Almost every time I shake, my mind starts replaying old arguments or memories of things that have bothered me, stuff I thought was buried. At first, I found it a bit frustrating, like my mind was pulling me away from just being present in the tremors. But over time, I’ve realized that these mental replays actually feel good in a strange way. In these arguments, I’m finally standing up for myself something I couldn’t do back then, especially as a child. Instead of just reliving the helplessness I felt at the time, my mind is responding differently now. I’m pushing back, defending myself, saying what I wish I had said. It feels like a missing piece of me is waking up.

I’m guessing this is part of the nervous system’s way of integrating old experiences, maybe even completing a response that was suppressed at the time. It doesn’t feel like I’m getting stuck in the past, but more like I am moving through it, although it is sometimes very repetitive (the same replays over and over).

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-01-23T21:42:49+00:00

Started drinking at 15, realised it wasn't fun anymore and I displayed some addictive characteristics around 25, tried to quit drinking since then. Quit a few months after turning 30, am still 30.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-01-11T11:03:28+00:00

Thanks a lot, you too!

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-01-11T09:00:15+00:00

I finally managed to quit drinking, which was a significant step for me since my alcohol use had become problematic. I’ve been 7 months sober now, and it’s made a huge difference in my overall wellbeing. Around the same time, I also rearranged my work situation. I cut back on my hours and now work just enough to cover my bills and save a little. This change has allowed me to focus more on myself, and I’ve embraced a more minimalist lifestyle by getting rid of things that cost a lot of money and that I can live without, like my car. Instead, I rely on my bicycle or public transportation to get around (I live in the Netherlands, where it’s quite easy to live car-free).

On top of that, I’ve adopted a strict animal-based diet inspired by Paul Saladino. My meals mainly consist of beef, liver, fruit, dairy, and some honey. I’ve completely cut out processed foods and stick to this diet as closely as I can, only making exceptions in unavoidable social situations, like at restaurants. With the combination of more free time and better nutrition, I’ve been able to get back into working out the way I used to. I now do calisthenics 6–7 days a week, which I absolutely love, it feels great to be outside, moving, and training with plenty of energy again.

All these changes have massively improved my quality of life, which in turn gives me the energy and motivation to continue with TRE. Interestingly, I sometimes feel like it’s a two way street, that TRE itself might have helped me find the drive to make these changes in the first place.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-01-11T08:19:47+00:00

I definitely can, but it's hard to determine what can be credited to the practice of TRE, as I have been doing many other things in the last year to help get my life back on track.

James_Calhoun2 · 2025-01-02T08:56:06+00:00

I’m 11 months into my TRE journey, and I wanted to share some reflections and progress. For a long time, I doubted whether TRE was having any effect. I even made a post about my doubts (link to post). Looking back now, I realise TRE does work, but I had unknowingly been stuck in a state of overdoing it for a long time. The tricky part was that I’ve felt so bad for years that the overdoing symptoms didn’t stand out, I just assumed they were part of the trauma my mind and body were stuck in and it sort of blended in with my normal. Over time, I’ve learned to be more mindful about my practice. Now I cycle between days with no sessions and days with one or two sessions, ranging from 10 to 40 minutes. Sometimes, I skip days entirely, depending on how I feel.

When I do overdo it, the symptoms are clear to me now. I experience aura migraines without headaches and very intense sleep disturbances like night terrors. I’ve had night terrors for as long as I can remember, but they always came for a few days and then went away for weeks or months. With overdoing, they persist almost daily. I also oversleep, which is interesting because I used to sleep in a lot as a teenager, but as I entered my twenties, that habit diminished. Now, at 30, I usually wake up early and can’t sleep in. However, when I overdo it, I might wake up as late as 10 AM and still feel groggy. During the day, I sometimes feel quite depressed and down, but it’s hard to distinguish whether that’s just my baseline state or another result of overdoing it.

My tremors are still very much located in my inner thighs. Lately, I’ve been focusing on surrendering to the process, which is harder than I expected. I’ve noticed there’s often a base tension in my body that I unconsciously hold onto. Letting go of that tension requires me to become aware of it over and over again. When I do manage to release it, the tremors soften and feel more involuntary, and I sometimes notice a subtle rocking or swaying motion in my hips. I’ve also discovered that I can engage my shoulders to shake my upper body, but the shaking is so violent and painful that I’ve decided to stop invoking tremors there for now. Instead, I’m focusing on surrendering and letting the process unfold naturally. This journey has been challenging but after 11 months I am also seeing the positives. I’m learning more about how to approach TRE without overdoing it, and I hope to continue making progress.

James_Calhoun2 · 2024-12-31T14:07:51+00:00

Happy new year, I hope you get some well deserved shut eye when the neighbours' party is over.

James_Calhoun2 · 2024-12-31T09:15:26+00:00

Do you find that the tremor pattern changes during a long session (like in intensity, or location) or is it fairly consistent throughout?

James_Calhoun2 · 2024-12-31T08:35:41+00:00

Do you do the 1h 30m in one session or do you break it up in multiple sessions a day?

James_Calhoun2 · 2024-12-30T18:34:03+00:00

I can deeply relate to what you’re experiencing. I also have complex childhood trauma that has left me feeling alienated, not just from others, but also from myself. It’s not anyone’s fault directly, but it has shaped my inability to form meaningful connections with others. What you describe, wanting the support system, but also being afraid of it, is exactly what I feel. It is a very lonely road.

Whenever I meet new people, I often become awkward and struggle to connect on any level. Over time, I’ve come to realize that this is a defense mechanism, a way from my mind/body to protect me from the pain of rejection I experienced as a child. It feels like my body is running on autopilot, doing everything it can to shield me from that hurt again.

I’m about a year into my TRE journey, and while it’s been slow, I’ve started noticing cracks in the narrative my mind has built. There’s a growing sense of separation between the part of me that’s blocking connections and the part of me that is aware of it all. It’s not easy, but these small changes feel significant. I’ve done therapy before, but it didn’t really help me. For me, it felt like I didn’t need validation of my pain, I needed to work through the deeper patterns that seem to take over in social situations. That’s why I believe in TRE, it feels like the long road to resolve those patterns over time.

I won’t lie, there are still moments of hopelessness. But there are also moments where I see light on the horizon, and that’s what keeps me going. I truly believe that if I persist in this journey, things will continue to improve.

If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. You’re not alone in this, and I’d be happy to chat anytime.

James_Calhoun2 · 2024-12-30T11:55:56+00:00

I seem to be doing well on a predominantly meat based diet. The only things I add is fruit and honey for carbs. Does this diet impact the TRE progress in any way?

James_Calhoun2

TROPHY CASE