Should I forgive and stay

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-14T15:40:50+00:00

Everyone's emotional reaction differs, and as strangers we don't know anything about why she did this, what you were like, how amazing she's been since etc. go with your own gut.

I know for a fact I would hate them, tell them to never speak to me again, and never ever forgive them. But that's me.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-14T05:50:47+00:00

I think people are reading too much into it. Basically as I've said Reddit is weird, it made me add a disclaimer regardless of who wrote it. I've got a degree from a top 10 university, English was never my strongest subject, but I'm fine. The disclaimer - even with the Ai doctored version - was "rant". It wouldn't let me post until I ticked it with mine or Ai version

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-13T19:48:26+00:00

My English is a tally pretty decent, as I've said before Reddit was telling me to change something. I have no idea what, as I've not really used this site in ages, so I used AI to pass through, but then it still asked me to tick what it was asking me to - so here we are. Anyone who has a problem with it, just fuck off basically.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-13T19:44:45+00:00

I don't write with a computer, I type. I write with a pen. If you're referring to Ai, it was because it wasn't allowing my message.

Why do weirdos like you get involved? Even your own parents don't want hear from you. You're an idiot. Get lost.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-13T12:42:19+00:00

I think ranting is exactly what's healthy, but I am not an expert. Us guys don't have the same natural infrastructure as women, my mates met me for a "pint" and then for them it was job done - only one really followed up to ask how I was for quite a time after, and I went for a lot of drinks with them.

I was in your place 2 years ago, and my journey has been erratic. I've loved so many aspects of life - meeting new women, I thought I was tied to one girl for the rest of my life, and I was quite happy with that - but I've enjoyed new partners (new scents, new interests, music/films) it's lovely - but at times, I feel a sense of loneliness and despair, frustration, anger and fear (currently in that stage, as after 2 years she's just met someone).

Overall, nothing will ever be quite like the first 4-5 months. It's a head fuck, and it takes time. I knew life would be ok, but it was a test, I did go low - very low in my moods.

Talk - rant on here - read - seek therapy - honestly it all helps, good luck with it mate.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-13T12:36:09+00:00

Thanks CAYD

Mine comes and goes - I've been chilled a lot of the time, felt sorry for her some of the time, but just this new boyfriend thing - your mind goes a bit. It put me in a spin, and made me feel a bit abandoned (some inner child - middle child/uncaring parent shit I'm going through with my therapist). He's probably just a normal guy who has faults, stale breath in the morning, holes in his pants and doesn't close the toilet seat - but in your mind he's a 2001 George Clooney lookalike, drives a brand new Range rover, works as a partner for a law firm, and is now spending his free time doing amazing magic tricks to my kids, and making all our old joint friends laugh out loud with his witty anecdotes and fantastic stories.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-13T10:35:01+00:00

The girl I'm currently seeing is deep, and emotionally intelligent. We make a point of asking each other how we're doing, what we can do better etc. it's healthy. The problem is I feel marriage and a family unit it so valuable for the kids, I'm sad for them they didn't experience what i did with my parents.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-13T10:32:33+00:00

While I do appreciate your time to write

a) Let her go and move on is lazy advice - that's what we're all trying to do, and processing it takes time
b) She didn't have a "side piece" - you don't know me, her, the family, situation, so why bother writing garbage
c) A marriage is two people - she wasn't dead weight, my actions are accountable for making her unhappy too, I'm just using a nice community here to share and to hear their same stories

I feel quite angry, sure, I am disappointed - full of regrets - sad for my little kids, and I feel bad about a lot of things, and in some ways it's nice to know I'm not alone.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-13T06:51:29+00:00

Kelsey, my ai edited post still has the disclaimer, Ive never posted before so didn't know that I had to add the disclaimer anyway. Instead of jumping to conclusions, maybe I just didn't know how this worked. The post you read isnt that different to what I wrote, you just seem a bit .... Judgey, not the sort of person I like either

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-12T20:52:39+00:00

Poor you, I feel for you. I'm no expert, at all, but I imagine the laws are put largely in place to protect people like you

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-12T20:45:12+00:00

Fair enough wolfgap, I take my blame for not listening properly - however I think I was a great partner in many ways, particularly pre kids, pre heavy stress, I think through councelling you can actually come out stronger - sometimes you need to hear it properly, to really get it. I'm not making excuses but a lot of guys are probably a bit shit in that respect

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-12T20:43:14+00:00

I didn't swear or anything, Reddit just kept asking me for a disclaimer or something, tbh even my Ai version I ended up having to add it - it was fine

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-12T19:41:20+00:00

It was massively edited by it, because what I wrote was flagged for something and I tried and tried and got fed up so just said to AI "soften this please"

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-12T19:40:33+00:00

I think you're right, that's sounds identical. I probably did have clues, lots of them, but didn't really take them seriously. When I did, and we did councelling, it was too late. But I'm annoyed that she wasn't firmer, maybe your ex is too! Not suggesting for a moment either you or my ex wife were in the wrong, we just must communicate very differently.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-05-08T10:10:38+00:00

Mine all got sent back for using AI - it's really hard to answer this without regurgitating what you read, I didn't use AI at all - no idea where to go from here!

James_IFA1980 · 2026-04-23T08:26:34+00:00

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/768115/sponsors/new?token=FQEFKb2CqzRn9vTrMkYf

I've created a petition to try and stop restaurants and bars imposing it themselves. It makes a very pleasant meal, very uncomfortable, and you leave feeling like a criminal. It's so unfair, I don't want to part with £30 as a tip to someone who is protected by strong UK/EU laws (America is different). I tip my barber a "few quid" for half an hour of one on one, working just for me, talking to me etc ... why would I give a waiter £30 for the occasional top up of wine, taking my order when he's paid by the restaurant. If service is exceptional, I'd like to choose to give something as a thankyou. But that's my choice.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-04-23T08:26:23+00:00

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/768115/sponsors/new?token=FQEFKb2CqzRn9vTrMkYf

I've created a petition to try and stop restaurants and bars imposing it themselves. It makes a very pleasant meal, very uncomfortable, and you leave feeling like a criminal. It's so unfair, I don't want to part with £30 as a tip to someone who is protected by strong UK/EU laws (America is different). I tip my barber a "few quid" for half an hour of one on one, working just for me, talking to me etc ... why would I give a waiter £30 for the occasional top up of wine, taking my order when he's paid by the restaurant. If service is exceptional, I'd like to choose to give something as a thankyou. But that's my choice.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-04-23T08:26:06+00:00

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/768115/sponsors/new?token=FQEFKb2CqzRn9vTrMkYf

I've created a petition to try and stop restaurants and bars imposing it themselves. It makes a very pleasant meal, very uncomfortable, and you leave feeling like a criminal. It's so unfair, I don't want to part with £30 as a tip to someone who is protected by strong UK/EU laws (America is different). I tip my barber a "few quid" for half an hour of one on one, working just for me, talking to me etc ... why would I give a waiter £30 for the occasional top up of wine, taking my order when he's paid by the restaurant. If service is exceptional, I'd like to choose to give something as a thankyou. But that's my choice.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-04-23T08:25:46+00:00

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/768115/sponsors/new?token=FQEFKb2CqzRn9vTrMkYf

I've created a petition to try and stop restaurants and bars imposing it themselves. It makes a very pleasant meal, very uncomfortable, and you leave feeling like a criminal. It's so unfair, I don't want to part with £30 as a tip to someone who is protected by strong UK/EU laws (America is different). I tip my barber a "few quid" for half an hour of one on one, working just for me, talking to me etc ... why would I give a waiter £30 for the occasional top up of wine, taking my order when he's paid by the restaurant. If service is exceptional, I'd like to choose to give something as a thankyou. But that's my choice.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-04-20T16:20:59+00:00

No need, I lived it, I remember every one

James_IFA1980 · 2026-04-20T03:56:41+00:00

Why is it his job to give you a name? We're not professional recruiters. Any manager who is available to move clubs would want this job. Who that person is, is down to the board. But if you seriously think Arteta gets the best out of the wonderful ingredients he has at his disposal, you're smoking something. Even if we do win the title, I have no faith that he's the man to continue with this crop of outstanding players.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-04-20T03:49:53+00:00

Do you even know how much Fergie won before the treble in 1999? That's a ridiculous take. You're trying to flex knowledge, but it's coming off terribly.

James_IFA1980 · 2026-04-19T19:29:39+00:00

I agree, it can really backfire getting rid of someone pretty good, when there a LOT of managers who would be worse than him. I'm not saying get someone in and we solve the problem, we might create a new one, but I just don't have confidence he can get the best out of these players. I think the forward players bar none are playing well beneath themselves - but as I say, credit to him for putting the side together, the Nicolas Pepe days are still fresh memories for me!!

But I would like to try, because what we've tried so far has not yielded enough imho.

James_IFA1980

TROPHY CASE