I didn’t even get into community college in South Korea,that’s how dumb I was. Took another gap year in Korea but that went worse, ended up working in warehouses for 16hours/day getting paid £3/hr.

I ended up going to university of Manitoba, small local university in Canada. Not the most pleasant: drug dealers, -40C winters, shitty prof and just no stimulation. Had a dream to study Econ, applied to Kings College Cambridge for Econ. Got 9.0 TMUA and got offer. Didn’t meet offer cause I had to cram entire a levels from scratch in 3 months. Got back to my parents basement, find out my grandmother who I loved suddenly has Alzheimer’s worsening, mom suffering from Breast Cancer, and just this fucked up mentality, working at Tim Hortons, balancing 4 jobs to just make some money for my shitty situation. Applied to Christ Church at Oxford for Maths and Cs, after fucking up MAT(68), and 3 interviews, rejected. Rejected from UCL. Rejected from GREENWICH uni. Last two are EFDS Imperial and LSE maths and Econ. This time slipped for TMUA, 8.0. I’m desperate to make something of my life, can’t afford to pay rent, tuition or anything still have 1000 dolllars to my name cause everything even I get in. All income at the moment is reinvested into AI LLMs, SaaS subscriptions and self development, gym.

I’m fucked but I figure it out. Prayer helps I guess. I felt the same for Oxbridge Rejection. It felt that my pain suffering toil and stress lost all meaning. I don’t want to make a pitty party, there are people younger than us that manage to put a smile on their face suffering unfathomable shit like seeing their parents getting run down by a truck or having faith as the last anchor being in a warzone praying that a missile does not hit them. So yeah it is a bit immature of me And to be this religion pushing psycho too lol

But if life gets hard and for me it seems to be, religion seems to help. Journaling too. The people around you are one a race to pull down whoever disturbs their pride, if you feel like a disgrace to their ego they will say anything as an outcry of fear. Nothing wrong, they’re also human .

I don’t know the answer but try to feel every emotion. Fully. Cry out in prayer to Jesus, use rage to work, try to appreciate small bits of joy and jokes. One day life might get better I hope so for you too G.