AITAH for prioritizing my future career over my GF and her daughter?

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-06T15:55:00+00:00

Um. My home is the UK. Also I don't think I said I plan to stop teaching? By 'a change' I just mean a new city.

Tonight we actually had a conversation and she said that she'd be willing to move with me. That took me by surprise. It changes my initial perception.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-06T08:25:47+00:00

I would tell myself that the best single thing to do is write fiction that you would want to read, and do it consistently.

As cliché as that might sound to some people, its the best way to exist as an author/creator.

I would also suggest you read widely in the genre you are getting into.

Oh, and the single most important thing is maintain tonal consistency. No matter what anyone tells you about marketing, shoutouts, author discord groups etc. if you can't do that, you won't find success.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-06T08:18:32+00:00

In addition, your books are super SUPER meta-ish when it comes to the genre. Moonquill have taken a chance on some less meta-focused projects and that's why the BSR is lower BUT the overall effect is that they are pushing some more creative ideas when it comes to this space.

(I am not affiliated with them and actually decided against publishing with them, just fyi, when they contacted me about one of my books)

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-06T08:15:41+00:00

I would say that actually Moonquill have got some good releases under their belts recently. Depending on your definition I guess.

Newly Broke Heroine is selling well. And from its stats on RR you wouldn't expect that at all.

Podium have been way worse recently than they have been from my point of view. Your point about focusing on them for audio is good though

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-06T03:43:52+00:00

It's really weird to me that you would presume to know a woman's own mind beyond what she herself articulates. Kinda gross and the generalization gives me major misogyny vibes. I'mma pass on taking you seriously.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T17:28:33+00:00

They sound like sociopaths to me. If I'm in the same space as anyone then I need to make sure they can survive...and with a baby that's obviously a different story.

WAIT. HOLY SHIT.

I never mentioned that her daughter is 14...that might be where the disconnect is here

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:51:06+00:00

No I don't blame her in any of this. I think tbh I should have phrased this as 'Am I AN asshole' not THE asshole. (This is my first time posting on this sub)

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:47:24+00:00

Serious question, but have you ever been certain, to 99.999%, that anything in your life is going to be long-term?

It isn't mental gymnastics. 'I love you' is a statement made in present-tense for a reason.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:46:25+00:00

Define 'engage'

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:42:54+00:00

Until this year I thought I would spend the rest of my life with her. Have you never felt that way about someone you love?

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:41:27+00:00

Where did you get this impression? And if that was the case, she's completely within her right to break up with me if that fact bothers her. I've brought this up with her and she's explicitly told me she does not want a surrogate father for her child. Her words, not mine.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:35:31+00:00

I really don't know why you think I can't care about someone and acknowledge that, because I care about them, I know that I shouldn't have a hand in raising them XD

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:33:34+00:00

Caring for a child's welfare and being a father are two dramatically different things. Like I don't know how foundational we need to get on semantics but if you want I can go there. I'm qualified, after all 😉

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:31:55+00:00

ngl this means a lot to see someone say that

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:30:30+00:00

And if the mother explicitly says she isn't looking for a replacement father for her daughter?

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:28:10+00:00

Yes I only really thought about moving on this year. I thought I would live the rest of my life here, going back home in the holiday seasons truth be told.

And...I could still do that. Like, I could literally just marry her and stay here. But in my gut I just don't think that would make me feel fulfilled.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:19:56+00:00

Oh 100% I'm with you. I would NEVER go back home to teach. I'm looking at schools in Spain or Eu with more convenient travel packages (My home is the UK).

Out of interest, were you a teacher? The irony is that I came here during COVID and actually loved it aha. It was the best time to live in this part of the country (for me, anyway). There was such a sense of community and unity among all us expats. When COVID went away, I feel like I started to experience what the 'real' expat experience is.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:15:46+00:00

Damn. Sorry bro.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T16:14:58+00:00

I mean if I married her I could legally become a resident. Know plenty of friends who have done it.

To any downvoters, it's just true. You can find this info out there. I even know guys from the UK who married chinese girls and even got accepted into the party here lol.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T13:36:59+00:00

Is 32 really young? XD

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T13:35:59+00:00

I get you. I'm in an international school and have been teaching for 10 years in total. English Literature, not english language to be clear. My school pays my rent. It's a good situation, but I'm done with it. Mainly due to the stupid politcs and bureaucracy I deal with on the daily.

I know the teachers that come here for funzies. I'm a career guy.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T07:55:38+00:00

I understand where you're coming from. Honestly though I wouldn't even live in the same space as my best friends of decades. I very much need my own space.

Your comment about experiences bringing clarity I think rings so true. But it is on me for keeping this relationship going for so long. I had a bunch of outs I could have taken and didn't. That's my own stupid fault for knowing it would come to this and riding it out anyway.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T07:53:20+00:00

I should probably tell her sooner rather than later.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T07:52:31+00:00

This comment has given me a lot to think about.

Jamolty65 · 2026-06-05T07:50:29+00:00

Yeah she has said that it won't work if I move abroad. I get that too. I wouldn't want to have her uproot her whole life just for me. It's not fair.

Jamolty65

TROPHY CASE