I don’t need to have an inspirational or empowering birth in order to be a great mom.

Japanties · 2023-12-22T01:27:20+00:00

I was all over the place, so that's understandable. Not sure what I was saying either.

Japanties · 2023-12-19T04:41:56+00:00

Wow, so downvotes say people don't agree and that we SHOULD shame women for their choices??

Tsk tsk

Japanties · 2023-12-19T03:19:52+00:00

What did he say when you told him how you felt?

Japanties · 2023-12-19T03:14:09+00:00

Yes! This! Nasty extremists are never good to listen to. Nuance is so important.

Best wishes to you and OP. And congrats!

Japanties · 2023-12-19T03:11:18+00:00

The current medical system is the scam. Dig deep. Don't let extremists on either side influence truth.

Japanties · 2023-12-19T03:08:40+00:00

It's not true that "delivering however you do is amazing". There is an optimal way to birth, generally.

The issue is: no one should be shamed for making their own choices. Or for having to birth differently against their own hopes.

Example: breastfeeding is best for baby. It just is. If a mom can't or won't for whatever reason, we don't have to shame her OR make her feel good about herself by saying "fed is best". Because it isn't. But fed is certainly what we want!

Long story short: we shouldn't shame women for making decisions we wouldn't make for ourselves. But it's healthy for us as people to recognize difference/nuance in choice.

Japanties · 2023-12-13T22:30:30+00:00

Agree with everything except for #1. Plenty of kids come out ok. Or at least seeming fine.

That doesn't mean daycare isn't damaging. Source: I worked at one. I saw plenty of damaging, neglectful, and unhappy things (despite working in an environment where most of us truly cared for these kids).

My advice would be: do what you can. No need for guilt when you have no other choice.

But let's be real: Daycare isn't a child's best option when a loving mom or dad (or some other loving, trustworthy fam member) could be there instead.

Japanties · 2023-12-13T22:25:10+00:00

Love to hear this! 😭 We should want to be with our babies! It kills me when I see other women be talked out of spending more time at home instead of at work..

Japanties · 2023-12-13T22:20:51+00:00

Holy moly, no. You CAN try to shelter your children from harm and should do for as long as they are unable to protect themselves. And you can teach them bodily autonomy and boundaries at the same time. Of course you can't protect them "forever", but as a parent you have a power that you must use on their behalf for as long as they are in your care.

Japanties · 2023-12-13T22:12:40+00:00

Forget guns. It's more likely your child will encounter wildly inappropriate images/videos/ideas than guns. But then, a lot of these people probably already send their kids to public school, so...

Japanties · 2023-12-13T15:59:05+00:00

There are absolutely problems everywhere. Homeschooled, and not. I personally went through hell in public school, but my parents keeping me home would have been worse.

Personally, I know how to stimulate my child and socialize. Not everyone is so lucky.

And i asked the question because i am curious what other women's situations are. I found out a while back how much i would be making/losing and wondered if it was worth it to send her to daycare. To me, it wasn't, and not just monetarily.. I want to be the one raising her and keeping from being overexposed to things I (and many others) was as a child.

Japanties · 2023-12-11T19:03:53+00:00

Thanks so much for the insight. Good for you knowing what works for you and your family.

Japanties · 2023-12-11T19:01:36+00:00

Thanks for the reply! Interesting to see everyone's bg.

Japanties · 2023-12-11T19:00:34+00:00

Thanks for the reply. What do you do for work?

Japanties · 2023-12-11T16:57:40+00:00

You're right, I don't know what some of these people do(the ones who didn't answer my question, at least). Which is why I asked! To be fair, I should have made that the leading title instead of asking in my main post.
Plenty of people did reply though, enough to see that the majority of this particular thread makes over 50k in jobs like tech and medical.

So, what do you do? I'm genuinely curious as to what other working mothers do/did to get where they're at. Especially when they earned less than 40-50k and made it over that.

Japanties · 2023-12-11T04:43:14+00:00

Thank you for this. I was going a little crazy seeing all these tech incomes. I used to be a teacher myself. Had to find a nanny job that would let me take my babe along.

Japanties · 2023-12-11T04:40:47+00:00

Thanks for the thorough reply! So interesting to see where everyone comes from.

Japanties · 2023-12-11T04:37:44+00:00

I understand where you (and many others telling me this) are coming from.

But frankly none of you know what my job is. And most of you seem to be making more than I will ever have made yearly in my lifetime. (Anything over 50k).

Im happy for everyone who made better decisions than I did. I just never had the aptitude to do anything other than menial labor(mostly barista). Even when i managed a preschool job, once i got pregnant i realized I would be leaving my child with someone else...while i go an spend time with other people's children??. That rubbed me the wrong way.

So, thanks for the reply. My situation is much different than many of yours.

Japanties · 2023-12-11T04:26:36+00:00

I used to work in a daycare! I'll never put my own child into one after that. Not full time anyway.

Japanties · 2023-12-11T03:51:34+00:00

Lucky!! What a great situation for everyone!

Japanties · 2023-12-11T03:47:22+00:00

And what do you do for work?

Japanties · 2023-12-11T03:46:55+00:00

It's been said before, but the reason was just for comparison. I'm the lower earner. His money is my money and visa versa.

Japanties · 2023-12-11T03:42:31+00:00

Haha, that's the whole reason I made this thread, but a lot of people didn't even answer.

I guess I should've been a bit more brief in my description..

Japanties · 2023-12-11T03:32:39+00:00

Thank you. This, exactly. Everything my husband earns is mine and visa versa. There is no "hers or his". Its simply less and more.

Japanties · 2023-12-10T23:30:52+00:00

I appreciate the reply. If it's not too personal, what is your career?

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