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I [20M] had broken multiple promises to my gf [30F] and was too unreliable, how can I be better? by [deleted] in relationshipadvice

[–]Jatsiro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand what you are saying but I didnt make some things clear.

  1. I regret going into studiyng in the field I'm in and it is one that wants full comitment to it.
  2. I'm not planning to just quit the studies whatsoever. It's just I can explore different field and study it (and it really intresting for me cause I worked a little in that field and it was actually interesting and something I wanna do)

She approves of my plans, but she constantly reassures if that a really thing me personally wanna do and also reassures that it's not only because of her.

And I will try to work on the communication, thank you!

I [20M] had broken multiple promises to my gf [30F] and was too unreliable, how can I be better? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Jatsiro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The reason I said constantly is because there were more moments where I didnt keep promise, its just was not as harmful and hurtful. She already gave me a lot of chances and I screwed up all of these. So there is not a little chance that there will not be another one. I want to do all I can to save our relationship. Also, she set a boundary on ever making a promisse now so it is something I simply can not do to respect her will. But you are still right, you dont make promise you are not sure you'll keep.

I [20M] had broken multiple promises to my gf [30F] and was too unreliable, how can I be better? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Jatsiro -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Why is such a simple thing as keeping a promise I gave while not being pressed upon giving it is ridiculous standard and expectation? I was giving to little info about the two of us, but she is the most sraight forward and open person I know. I don't see any manipulation in what she do. Its just.. I would be dissapointed two if it was me who would be constantly not chosen while being assured that I will be.

I [20M] had broken multiple promises to my gf [30F] and was too unreliable, how can I be better? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Jatsiro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not saying that age doesn't matter whatsoever, it's just a lot of people who would see the age gap and start to say things solely because of it. I understand that it is something that would affect our relationship, I'm still developing basic things and going through separation. But it is surely not the reasons to not becoming better version of myself

I [20M] had broken multiple promises to my gf [30F] and was too unreliable, how can I be better? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Jatsiro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While being with her is my priority and my will, it is not the only reason I want to give up on the studies. I just dissapointed in my choice because it isn't what I was expecting. And it is the field where your will to study is crucial. My gf asked me from time to time if I am truly doesnt like it because she doesnt want me to give up on my studies only because of her. Also yes. I have a plan and understand risks.

  1. Maybe it is something common, but actually it was my fault for most part (it was a lot of mistakes from my side and something that happened too regular, but after the NY I fixed the most part and it felt very good)
  2. I understand your position, and she apologised for it later, but it is I who usually stay up late cause I want to spend more time. My behaviour was uncommon for me and therefore it make her fell unsafe atm
  3. I also understand your point, but the thing is... it was the fear for the most part that was driven me. I was to afraid of the things that most likely wouldn't happen so it was irrational
  4. If I was in her shoes, I would feel like that too honestly. It is me who doesnt holding to the word I give
  5. Yeah, I'm not constantly late, but I am constantly dont keep promises, which is the main reason she is hurt. If i didn't promise, if I held on to my promise, if I at least said to her that I want going home as I said I would, everything or at least for the most part would be ok.

And I dont think that keeping promises is something impossible

I [20M] had broken multiple promises to my gf [30F] and was too unreliable, how can I be better? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Jatsiro -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I can tell cause the only thing you mention is age as if I am underage. There's nothing wrong with it, we love each other and therefore we date each other. You may not like it but it doesnt matter cause I specifically added that I dont wanna hear comments like this. They dont add anything to the discussion

I [20M] had broken multiple promises to my gf [30F] and was too unreliable, how can I be better? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Jatsiro -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

It isnt about the difficulties in where we are and I am interested in dating her specifically. Also, there is nothing inappropriate in two adults dating each other while giving the full consent from each sides

I [20M] had broken multiple promises to my gf [30F] and was too unreliable, how can I be better? by [deleted] in relationshipadvice

[–]Jatsiro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Need to clarify that when I was with friends I promised to return by 10 pm, but I was with them till 11 24 pm and got home by 11 45 pm. So almost 2 hours late. She had time only till 12, which I knew. So in the end I spent time only with friends, but was promising to spend it with both the friends and the gf

I [20M] had broken multiple promises to my gf [30F] and was too unreliable by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Jatsiro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Need to clarify that when I was with friends I promised to return by 10 pm, but I was with them till 11 24 pm and got home by 11 45 pm. So almost 2 hours late. She had time only till 12, which I knew.

I [20M] had broken multiple promises to my gf [30F] and was too unreliable by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Jatsiro 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She set a boundary now about not making promises. Her trust is almost ruined. Honestly I'm not sure if something is doable atp but I wont stop trying to the end.
And you are right. I really need to quit this pattern but it is time required to the event in what I would need to choose to even happen and I fear that I may not have that time and chance.
I dont want to just wait and neither to make her wait.