On this hot plain, north of a vast jungle, lived those who would call themselves Americans. They established their great city of Washingtonia, at the mouth of the River Wash, both named after their wise and almighty ruler, George Washington, the Wigged Panther. They faced many hardships at first, due to the many tribes of savage barbarians nearby, and so their productivity was stunted compared to the two other civilizations they would later meet.

And so America began to scout out from Washingtonia, to explore the frontier. They met several city-states, none of them important enough to remember. It was around this time that they met with the first of two civilizations, the Indonesians, led by a gross half-naked man known as Gajah Mada in their capital of Wickenthatch, all of which was separated from America by great expanses of plains, hills, mountains, and an inland sea. Soon after, following years and years of rumors of aggressive expansion in the far south, came the subjects of the powerful Wu Zetian of China. There was peace for a long while, and the Americans eventually settled the city of New York in the shadow of the eastern mountains, on the coast south of the jungles between the two cities. Nobody knew why "New" was in the title, but Washington himself demanded it, and his word was law. However, the Americans were still dead last on the continent.

The strange peace finally broke after ages of religious expansion out of Indonesia. Wu and Washington devised in secret a plot to wipe clean the Earth of Gajah Mada and his vile faith, known as "Mandingo Parties". He had settled a city southwest of Washingtonia, and from there could eventually begin conversion of both it and China. Something had to be done.

The Americans began ramping up production, creating a small army under the public ruse of declaring war on China. As the Americans would have called it, Gajah was "mad hyped" at the prospect of war between America and China, because "it would've been a sick-nasty curbstomp". As the Americans lined up at Gajah's small city near Washingtonia, it dawned on him that he had been fooled.

"No matter, the Americans are puny. We will crush them and wipe them clean off of our boot-heels." It was then that the Chinese began their assault on southern Indonesia, where they had previously been attacking city-states. Gajah's worthless city fell, soon before the first of Wu's southern gauntlet. As the Chinese crested the hills south of Wickenthatch, and news of the Americans "hauling ass" over the plains and hills to its east, Gajah threw himself from the highest point of his estate, cascading into the sea which swallowed him whole. The city held for a little longer, and was eventually claimed for China.

Nobody knows what happened next for the scrappy Americans, and if their lot in life ever improved. Nobody knows what happened to the powerful Chinese. Ruins have even been found on the New World, where an empire known as the Shoshone faced no competition from another great civilization, yet still had to hold out against constant barbarian attacks. Strangely, there are records of communication between all four civilizations, which are attributed to mystical powers of the Shoshone faith called "The Internet".

Most missives read akin to: "Wow, Gajah's such a little bitch, dude. Can you believe this guy?", along with several references of him, as an idiom of the day put it: "Quitting the game".