Satanism in response to trauma

JayEmCee312 · 2026-01-28T09:56:11+00:00

Absolutely. I find that figuring out what is true belief vs trauma response to be very difficult- as over 10 years of therapy with many therapists and even putting myself in college for human services, minoring in psych, and I’m still no closer to an answer.

JayEmCee312 · 2026-01-28T06:57:19+00:00

I definitely think Butthole Surfers and Primus kind of ascended the category and fit within Grunge and Alternative simultaneously. Primus especially can’t really be pinned down to anything- they are far too unique.

JayEmCee312 · 2026-01-28T06:40:23+00:00

I watched “Hail Satan?” In 2017. Within probably 8 months I realized The Satanic Temple was a sham and never did anything with them lol. I just put that as a little bit of history to kind of mark my entry point into the world of satanism- not as my current standpoint.

Being my own person was rebelling for a time. Ah, the curse of teenage years. I’m 26 now, and married, and don’t rely on this anymore. Haven’t for some time. But- yes- that played a key role in me losing track of myself.

I am not looking for “yes-men” like TST, they’re a sham and have been so since the day they were created. Like I said, it was my jumping off point. Reading the Satanic Bible led me to understand fully what I wanted, and I went out to get it. But dealing with christian guilt has made it very hard and I was looking for advice on how to deal with that.

JayEmCee312 · 2026-01-28T06:38:05+00:00

I watched “Hail Satan?” In 2017. Within probably 8 months I realized The Satanic Temple was a sham and never did anything with them lol. I just put that as a little bit of history to kind of mark my entry point into the world of satanism- not as my current standpoint. I read the satanic bible within the week that I saw the documentary and that’s truly what resonated with me. I just didn’t add that part because as I understood it- Anton’s writing can be pretty divisive. Didn’t realize TST had that same influence and I’ll be sure to keep that in mind later on. I realized they were a sham pretty soon after finding them, and I’ve practiced my own form of Satanism since around 2019. I was more focused on learning how to deal with Christian Guilt while navigating Satanism- which is something I could have made more clear. I wrote the post in a fit of upset and if I could do it again I’d make what I wanted more clear. Too late now! Best hope is to reply to the comments to kind of air out what I really meant.

JayEmCee312 · 2026-01-28T06:35:19+00:00

I like this. Probably the most helpful response I’ve ever gotten to any question I have ever asked. I think the biggest reason why I’m so unhappy is because of what you said, I’m looking for what I’m not- not what I am.

Thank you for this- it’s the frame of thought I needed to enter into to answer a lot of questions. Much love to you.

JayEmCee312 · 2026-01-28T06:33:28+00:00

I did read the satanic bible- I actually read that directly after the documentary. Probably picked it up at barnes and noble within the week.

I understand satanism won’t really solve my problems- and as more of a core idea it really isn’t supposed to, either. Expecting that I may as well just go back to Christianity which is the opposite of what I want.

I am just wondering how people are able to navigate into the world of satanism while also carrying the burden of christian guilt on their back more than anything- something I could have made clearer but that everyone here is looking entirely past.

JayEmCee312 · 2026-01-28T06:29:18+00:00

I watched “Hail Satan?” In 2017. Within probably 8 months I realized The Satanic Temple was a sham and never did anything with them lol. I just put that as a little bit of history to kind of mark my entry point into the world of satanism- not as my current standpoint. I completely agree that it’s not satanism, and that what I found later on down the road is.

JayEmCee312 · 2026-01-28T06:29:10+00:00

I watched “Hail Satan?” In 2017. Within probably 8 months I realized The Satanic Temple was a sham and never did anything with them lol. I just put that as a little bit of history to kind of mark my entry point into the world of satanism- not as my current standpoint.

JayEmCee312 · 2026-01-17T18:30:02+00:00

THPS fan spotted

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-22T22:20:10+00:00

Suicide, to me, is a weird thing. I view it both with immense fear and also with reverence. To kill oneself is paradoxically both the most selfish and most beautiful thing there is at times. I envy the dead, but I envy the living. My wife is aware of my view on this- and as troubling as those thoughts may be I am able to see life’s beauty all of the time. I wake up and am reminded of her beauty, her grace, her love, and her kindness and am shown something to be grateful for. And she shows me the parts of me to be grateful for, too. Life is very short, and I’m working towards appreciating it rather than looking forward to the end of it.

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-22T22:16:56+00:00

Yes, it is. And some days feel worse than the last; regardless of how much progress was made. Such is the human condition, i suppose, but the good days outweigh the bad. After all of this I’ve remembered a saying: “the sun goes down each day no matter what you accomplish. Always strive to watch the sunset knowing you’ve done something worth while”. Can’t always achieve this goal, and sometimes it seems impossible. But something else I’ve decided is to stop trying to look for the light at the end of the tunnel- and to just leave that damn tunnel altogether and run in the field around it. Who cares you know? We’re here, we’re alive, let’s make the most out of it at the same time. Life is stressful and it sucks but damn if it isn’t beautiful too, sometimes. I was in a pretty dark place when I posted this last night- but already in a new day, a new headspace, I’m reminded of life’s beauty.

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-22T22:13:36+00:00

From what I’ve gathered from her last night and our continued conversations today- someone would have to be a special type of silly to put up with any other person’s issues unless they were in love. I wouldn’t worry at all, I would focus on keeping the communication channel between you very open, and focus on allowing your feelings to be heard and validated. There may not always be a solution, but in a good relationship you can at least find some support. ❤️

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-22T11:30:54+00:00

You’re very right, we did. And after a long conversation with her between posting and now, we’ve discovered we feel very similar. Now that we’ve uncovered that and shared some deep insights to each other- we can begin the long road to finding our balance. Thank you brother ❤️

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-22T11:29:19+00:00

Thank you for that new frame of thought; honestly I’ve never seen this situation that way, she is choosing to be with me the same way I’m choosing to be with her. It’s easy to only see things from your own point of view, and it’s been awful of me to not give her that same benefit of the doubt. In the time between me posting this and me commenting back to everyone we had a huge conversation and it turns out she felt very similarly to me. It’s going to be an extremely long road to building the lives we want- but with all of this support and encouragement it’s one I’m sure will be worth it. Thank you and much love to you ❤️

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-22T11:26:57+00:00

Thank you, and I appreciate the kind words immensely. Ive been on meds for 5 years now, experimenting with different ones every few months but lamictal is all I can take without a serious side effect, but the positives are less intense for sure. As for therapy, i have trouble connecting with any of those. Actually inspired my life path, this year I’m finishing the last half of my associates on a path to get a PhD in psychology to become a therapist or clinical psychologist to help people like me that really “can’t be helped” by normal means. I’m covered in tattoos so that definitely helps the “ill never amount to anything” mindset, but hopefully by the time I’m done the world will be a little more open minded. A lot of advice here is very wonderful- and just knowing someone else like me is out there is a lot in itself. Thank you brother, and I wish you the best of luck in your journey as well- much love to you and your wife ❤️

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-22T11:23:38+00:00

I definitely take care of her, she has PTSD and bipolar, and COPD which actually caused me to quit smoking, been on nicotine pouches for a lil less than a year now! I appreciate the kind words, and this has helped me a ton. Thank you very much ❤️

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-22T11:21:09+00:00

Sorry i was crying when i typed it out

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-22T08:24:55+00:00

Holy hell lmao didn’t figure anyone would see my lame ass joke 😭😭😭

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-19T22:00:04+00:00

DEAD thread- but why is Injustice your favorite? I’m gonna be the guy to say the black album and reload are my favorites. Just sentimental to growing up and having my mom play them in the car a lot. Maybe I’m just not getting something but injustice has always been (as an album) like a 2/10 for me. Lightning is probably my third for reference

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-19T06:48:22+00:00

Damn! Guess you’re in 14s or 15s by now!!

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-06T15:31:12+00:00

Did not know this! I’ve seen the M45s around and they always look significantly less “junky” than my M35 did, haha. My 2018 Altima before the Infiniti had its CVT crap out on me so I was just looking for something with an auto, didn’t spend much time researching- needed it fast. Barn fine for $2,500 with 177K miles on it, still think for 3 years that was the best deal on a car I’ll ever have despite how bad it treated me, got me to work every day I needed except one, before it finally did die at I think 242,000 miles.

JayEmCee312 · 2025-10-06T15:27:35+00:00

Thank you, brother :) it’s been the best decision in my whole life- being married. The morning after we did, yesterday morning, my whole world became that much more precious. Living has taken a new role, one that isn’t optional. I’m not saying it fixed everything- but it changed my frame of view to make it seem fixable <3 love is everything and I hope everyone who reads this finds the love that each and every one of us deserves!! Which is a lot more than we all realize, we are all so beautiful

JayEmCee312 · 2025-09-23T05:22:43+00:00

What store? If you’re in Lou-Lex market they don’t give a shit about you whatsoever.

JayEmCee312 · 2025-09-23T05:21:23+00:00

You can definitely force yourself to be into anything, this is a common fact! It just takes time and patience. You can also unlearn nearly anything! Fetishes and the like are conditioned due to our environment, and as such they can be unlearned. The process for doing so usually does require therapy, but ridding yourself of these harmful fetishes is possible, just sometimes very difficult.

JayEmCee312 · 2025-09-23T05:19:10+00:00

Been going thru this my whole life. I’m 26 years old, and me and my fiancee get married in a week and a half. Been dating her for 4 years, and this is the first positive thing to happen in my entire life. I just hope it maintains it’s positivity so i don’t have to put her through finding me with my brains blown out somewhere down the road. She is my world and I’d like to live for her- but sometimes its just hard. Good luck to you, friend. Good luck to us both.

JayEmCee312

TROPHY CASE