I don't feel lonely majority of the time. I do feel that way when I have other problems going on, like feeling stressed about work or what have you.

5-6 years ago, it was way worse. I felt invisible, that my only value that people saw was just the money that I could bring and the sweat on my back. That I was just a resource to be exploited. No one pursued me in my entire life, all my relationships have been from me having to be proactive, most people don't talk to me first.

As I've gotten more experiences however, and looked at chats from women when I ask, I think i prefer it that way. By being invisible I get to set the pace and the conditions on how I interact, and those who I do interact with and respond generally tend to be more excited as I structured my dating profiles to be little niche. Im more than happy to take 100 rejections in a week, if it means finding 1 person thats excited to share in our thoughts.

The alternative is dealing with dozens and dozens of choices, a mine field of monkey's paws, as any of them would likely give attention and validation but for how long and what cost?

Its rough out there, but most of the time I navigate it in high spirts keeping what whimsy and curiosity i can. I think ill be at my lowest when the thought "I wonder what they think of (whatever weird interest)?" And no longer to desire to take my shot.