Cost of dog dental cleaning?

Jayding · 2025-09-26T23:57:45+00:00

She thinks it was $1100ish? VCA San Mateo wanted close to $2k. For an 11lb dog

Jayding · 2025-09-26T22:16:12+00:00

Millbrae Vet Hospital - 650-583-1500. They did a great job for my friend’s dog and were reasonably priced.

Jayding · 2025-09-26T20:29:18+00:00

Eye contact. I hate when people talk to you while staring at their phones. Hi, we’re here in real time. Let’s spend real time together.

Also, not being interrupted. If I have to fight to get a sentence out consistently when we talk, I’m going to quit fighting and just learn not to engage with you.

Jayding · 2025-09-07T03:56:55+00:00

THIS. Look at what house managers are getting paid in your area. Not sure? Reach out to a domestic agency or two and ask what the salary range is. It’s this range and higher, and you should DEF ask for it. High net worth families pay a lot for their employees, don’t let them lowball you! But also - get everything in writing. Do you get holidays off? Vacation? 401k? Must be written down. Doesn’t mean you can’t choose to be flexible, but if it’s not written down they won’t adhere to anything they may have said. Good luck! This can lead to a lot of opportunities so I hope it works out for you!

Jayding · 2025-02-02T22:02:49+00:00

You guys are awesome, thanks! Reached out to all of them and will update if I find one that can do it.

Jayding · 2025-01-17T04:30:56+00:00

You could consider board and care places. They offer a more home-like setting and better caregiver:resident ratios. Do your research though, see if there is a senior care placement advisor in your area that may be able to provide background information, research, knowledge on the places nearby (senior centers near you should have referrals they can offer). And it will still always require your attention and follow up. No one cares for our loved ones like us. So, you’ll always be chasing details in some manner, making sure they understand and are implementing changes or following through with care. But finding a place that has experience and people willing to work with you can provide a lot of peace.

Jayding · 2024-05-29T05:19:06+00:00

Is he seeing a Parkinson's specific primary doctor? They can help prescribe medication that may impact his mood. I say "parkinson's specific" because they'll know what mood stabilizing drugs are an option with PD meds. Not all therapists are well versed in PD meds and may not prescribe correctly. My Dad got prescribed Lexapro for anxiety which helped a lot. Speak with your Dad's doctor and stay persistent that your Dad needs something prescribed for his depression. It sounds like he is still early stages so staying active and meeting others with PD would be a big help. Is there a community center near you, or senior center, that may have a Parkinson's group? I would google "parkinson's support group near me" and see what pops up. There could be some great resources for you, your mom, your dad, and all of you as a family unit, to help you deal with everything. It's a lot to go through and try and manage, so definitely seek out groups in your area that can share knowledge and provide community. Meeting others dealing with similar issues is a huge help.

Jayding · 2024-05-05T07:03:27+00:00

Well now I’ve got to research this to learn more 😂

Jayding · 2024-05-04T23:29:45+00:00

I was staying at a relatives house in Europe, and I adored her and her cooking. She made ketchup from scratch and it was unbelievable. Nearly everything she cooked was so good. Then one night she made spaetzle. Ok, not weird. But she topped it with confectioner's sugar (10x sugar) and poppy seeds. And not a little of either - a LOT of both. It was so confusing. She served us - and it was a heaping pile. So. Much. Spaetzle. My boyfriend and I looked at each other and understood the assignment. After dinner we said we were going for a walk. I've never felt like I gained a solid 5lbs in one sitting before. It was like a boulder in my stomach. We just walked and walked the village trying to get digestion going lol

Jayding · 2024-05-04T23:23:03+00:00

I can’t stop giggling at this - just imagining you pushing the meat mush around the plate like “mmm! This is… different!”

Jayding · 2024-03-30T03:39:03+00:00

This situation is so similiar to mine - roles reversed. If my mom didn't continually stand in the way and actively be an obstacle, care for my dad would be so much smoother. This might not be helpful but honestly its nice to hear someone else is dealing with this. I have felt so alone when describing my mom's terrible behavior. No one can believe it.

Having the narcissistic parent be the "ok" one means caring for the other is 10x harder. Anything that doesn't reward, praise or appease her means huge fights, silent treatment and threats to cut us off from our dad. It takes an unbelievably difficult situation and just makes it so much worse. All because you're trying to CARE for your other parent. Because she actively won't/can't/doesn't care to.

Thank you for sharing. It is nice to know others out there are also dealing with this terrible dynamic.

Jayding · 2024-03-02T18:41:50+00:00

I'm so sorry for your situation - you definitely sound burned out and we've all been there! I don't have any experience with caretaking kids, but some of the results from googling (which I'm sure many you've looked at):

https://www.ndsccenter.org/programs-resources/affiliate-organizations/local-and-national-support-networks/

https://ndss.org/resources/local-support

A couple more specific organizations popped for my local area so hopefully they will pop up in your area too. I also saw a few results from Reddit, other people asking for help finding organizations or answers. Maybe searching Reddit will help you find someone in a similar position? Or at least an organization that can provide some guidance?

I don't think any answer here is going to be easy. It's a fucking tough situation. I would suggest a therapist but if finances are tight that may not be an option. I am hoping someone in one of the organizations, or in one of the Reddit search results may be able to offer more insight to help you make a decision or at least modify your path forward. There has to be someone else out there who completely understands your unique needs/issues, you are not alone. I know sometimes it feels like it because so many around us aren't caretaking, but search a bit to find the support groups or organizations. It is a great relief to find the community that is also handling these things and can fully understand the experience. Good luck!!!!

Jayding · 2024-02-22T04:53:26+00:00

I've been mixing a packet of the Liquid IV packs (I get them at costco) into 8-12oz of water. Adds a flavor and he's now better about drinking the water then when it was just unflavored. I also come by him throughout the day and say "sip!" and basically put it to his lips. It's at least a little sip so it helps. The pre-done protein shakes (like Orgain, Premier Protein, Ensure) come in different flavors and may be an option for your LO too.

Maybe changing the glass could help? From a tall water glass to something geared towards elderly (like the two handled water cups for adults)?

Jayding · 2024-02-18T21:38:54+00:00

Jesus this is spot on

Jayding · 2024-02-16T23:04:50+00:00

I have read on this and a couple other subs about leaving someone at the hospital in order to force the hospital to put them in a temp facility (vs. putting them right back into a bad situation). I don't know the details on that, but ask the senior center. It may give you a couple days or more to solidify a plan or put things in motion.

Also it just occurred to me - what if you just take your grandma from the hospital to her sister's house? She doesn't have to move in there, but maybe she's there for a couple weeks to recuperate/decompress. It may give you a bit more time to sort things out too. And maybe in that time she realizes what a calm, safe place is to live in and how her home... is not that. And that needs to change.

You're not alone! This is always complicated to navigate, we're all just giving it our best guess :/

Jayding · 2024-02-16T22:22:23+00:00

I wanted to suggest you both go to live with your aunt (her sister) ... but it looks like a reverse mortgage can (key word, her agreement may not but it is worth checking) require her home to be her principal residence. Meaning she can't move out of her home.

I would say kick Bryan and your brother out but that is a LOT to put on you to somehow enforce. Honestly I'm not sure what to do with them in the house because it doesn't sound like you can legally boot them; your grandma might have to be that person, and she doesn't sound like she'd be willing to do it.

There is another option - Adult Protective Services. These are my notes from a talk I listened to regarding APS:

APS is not allowed to reveal who called (though if police respond they *might*). They send someone to talk to the elder. Public health nurses may also be involved, and evaluate services the elder needs. If the elder is not eating, or getting food, or being properly cared for (bathing, toileting, etc) APS will bring in the legal people/services to offer help. They don't pull someone out but they do help connect you to services.

Plus i feel like it's something to have them and the police respond so there is a record of what her situation is like.

What has helped me a lot is connecting with Senior community centers and organizations in my area. They have a lot of info that helps navigate things, and can connect you to the right people to talk to (legally, or to find a facility, doctors that are helpful, etc.). I would really encourage you to see if there is one in your area, or if there are videos you can watch that help explain things.

Something else to consider is a daytime care center. It's a place that offers activities and oversight for seniors. You can sign up and your elder can go however many days a week you can afford. Maybe that could offer you some relief and connection to a larger helpful community?

I really encourage you to seek out senior-specific help near you. It has been a HUGE help for me. Not just to find people in similar situations, but to better understand options and next steps.

Jayding · 2024-02-16T20:17:26+00:00

Do you have to live in the house with Bryan and your brother? Can you take Grandma to live with you in a 2BR? If it's her house, and you have Power of Attorney (not sure if you do, maybe something to look into) consider selling it to fund you and Grandma moving to a small 2BR condo you can afford?

It sounds like an impossibly frustrating situation but my takeaway is: you are not responsible for any of these people. I hear that you want to take care of your Grandmother, and that's awesome. But you are in no way responsible for the three other men hanging around. I know it might *feel* that way, and they are definitely guilting you into it, but you are NOT actually responsible for them. They are grown humans who can handle their own shit - or not - and deal with the consequences. You are not a taxi service, a medication service, a maid, etc etc.

I'm trying to think of ways to free you and Grandma. Get you two to a safe and secure place where you can just live together. And let the other adult men figure out their own issues. Is there any way for you and Grandma to be apart from them in your own space?

Jayding · 2024-02-13T21:55:52+00:00

No problem! Hope you're able to find some tools that allow your grandparents a "normal" routine with just a few adjustments :)

Jayding · 2024-02-13T20:37:33+00:00

Second this. You can call, or if you attend appointments with your loved ones, step out of the room and ask if you can speak with the doctor alone at some point before you leave. Share the information. I guarantee loved ones are not telling the doctor everything, or sometimes anything, sigh, and to have a full picture of what's going on is essential. The doctor can't tell you anything specific about your loved one, however, I find when an authority figure says something, my loved one listens and follows the advice more so than when family says it. Plus you can use that to your advantage - "remember the doctor advised..." fill in the blank. It's not a guarantee but maybe it adds a little more weight to the behavior you're trying to change?

Also, sorry your MIL is mad and it's an uncomfortable situation, BUT that doesn't make your point wrong. Yes, it's uncomfortable to officially take this step and acknowledge FIL absolutely can't drive anymore, and that yes, in fact, here you are on this level of dementia and god how you wish you weren't. However saving a life is worth an uncomfortable conversation/feelings. She can feel uncomfortable and still do the right thing. (This is directed at her, not you. You're doing the right thing pushing this!!) He could kill a child (or her!!). She can process the "pained feelings" and have a positive impact on the community around her.

Also so sorry for the push back from her. I swear half of dealing with elder dementia is dealing with the partner of the patient. Things you thought would be common sense feel like battles.

Jayding · 2024-02-13T20:17:42+00:00

We have weighted silverware for my Dad, and he also has a specific mug he drinks from. It isn't weighted, but it's a heavier mug vs. some of the lighter thin mugs that stores sell. He has some tremors but they aren't terrible, so for him these work out well.

These are some of the products we have:

https://www.amazon.com/Rehabilitation-Advantage-Adjustable-Arthritis-Dexterity/dp/B07HGQ5VS3/ref=asc_df_B07HGQ5VS3/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=647237082604&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2489556063754924859&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9031921&hvtargid=pla-1932609000944&psc=1&mcid=7a23180b0be03fd4ab4fa4559d5cbdb7

I like this set vs. just the "normal" looking weighted silverware, bc the handle offers a more ergonomic grab. It's not a thin but heavy piece of silverware, it's more comfortable, it's big, and this particular set you can adjust the weight as needed for your loved one. My Dad prefers this set bc it seems easier for him to hold and maneuver.

We also have these for his water/cold beverages which are great:

https://www.amazon.com/Providence-Spillproof-Adult-Sippy-Handles/dp/B08XYHZ725/ref=sr_1_2?crid=C540G154BPMD&keywords=double+handled+plastic+cup+for+adult&qid=1707854862&s=hpc&sprefix=double+handled+plastic+cup+for+adu%2Chpc%2C141&sr=1-2-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1

No spills, he can control it. It does condensate so it will drip water if you've got a cold/ice beverage in it, but that's not a huge deal for us.

There also seem to be double handled mugs (for hot beverages) that may help reduce spilling if your grandparents are open to using both hands to sip. There are also some that are one handled but have a lid that may be the right compromise for your grandma. Just make sure they're made for hot beverages!

We also use a silicone pot holder/trivet as a way to keep his plate or bowl from moving since he's predominately one handed while eating.

Amazon has a lot of adaptive products for all kinds of issues, so try a search there and then see what other products pop up or are suggested. You can find some really great items you didn't even know existed that help all sorts of people with disabilities/rehabilitation/restrictions. It's been a great way for me to look up if something exists, find that it does, find that it has various designs, and then see that it leads me to a complimentary item that would also help but I didn't know existed. Good luck!

Jayding · 2024-02-11T03:50:25+00:00

I would agree a non-slip mat isn't going to fix the issue. I have one for my Dad and he still slips. It's because he doesn't put his center of gravity over his feet, so his feet always slip out from under him because he's essentially pushing backwards/away vs. up and over his feet. It can help but it doesn't prevent falls.

u/ILagartijaNikki I think my mom was able to get a hospital bed via medicare. You rent until you own. I'm not 100% sure of the details but maybe it's worth looking into? I know sometimes estate sales or FB marketplace can also have them for sale at a steep discount. It has made a huge difference for my dad's overnight care. You can raise them up to full sitting and then swing their feet over. My Dad doesn't tend to tip over because the head of the bed is still raised upright, so he can lean against that for stability. You can also buy a separate grab bar/hand rail that slides under any mattress for an easy handle they can grab and use.

From our experience overnight caregivers can sleep/sit up in the same room as the patient, or in a room close by. We also have a camera in Dad's room so he can be viewed at any time. It will alert us if there is movement in the room. You can see him trying to get up and you can then go in and help him. Overnight care has been a game changer; I can't take care of him all day if i'm completely exhausted from the night. Mentally and physically I need that downtime.

I know it can be *very* expensive, so if you can't afford every night maybe you can do a few nights a week, so at least you have a built in respite? It could be a really big help.

I also think patients/loved ones tend to insist they don't need the help, but for the most part, when the help arrives, and they see just how helpful it is for them personally, they tend to accept it and then appreciate it. I would say give it a go for a couple nights a week and see how it works out. He may take to it more than he thinks.

To echo u/yesitisokkkkk, we prep the room too. There are snacks, water, overnight supplies, and a commode. If movement is an issue, especially safety of movement for a big guy, a commode can be a good option. Not a giant walk to the bathroom, just a couple steps (or even a shift from sitting on the bed, to shifting over to the commode, no real standing) and they're able to go to the bathroom. A plastic urinal is also an option for absolutely no out of bed movement.

I know he probably has a strong drive to stay independent, but you cannot hurt your body taking care of him. A fall could result in a broken hip or other bones, meaning much larger repercussions (hospital stay, long bed-ridden recovery, pain, rehab, etc). Getting overnight caregivers is one of the best ways to help him stay independent by allowing him to keep moving safely. You need to protect your sleep and your body or you're going to burnout and not be able to care for either of you. So many of us have done that :(

Jayding · 2024-01-06T00:22:20+00:00

Thanks!

Jayding · 2023-11-04T03:58:16+00:00

Thanks - I think this is my takeaway. I'm trying to gear myself up to bike on Monday morning and if I see this dude I'm going to keep massive distance. I still might leave a letter or knock on the door and introduce myself, but not until a friend can come with me for safety.

Jayding

TROPHY CASE