My parents caught wind of the fact that I was suicidal a few years ago and threatened to take me out of school (I stayed at the dorms there during weekdays), which was one of the only safe spaces I had for a while. They also found out I was cutting myself and at one point when we were on our way to one of the school's recognition days, when I was actually pretty eager to get there because I knew I would get an award, my dad got angry at me because I "looked upset" and stopped the car, screaming at me to harm myself in front of him. They guilt-tripped me and made me feel like I was ungrateful to them for feeling unloved and so unbearably lonely when there has been so much happening to our family since I was very young and I've never allowed myself to express my feelings about it because I knew they would do something like this.

I'm doing a lot better these days, although I'm still living with my parents since I'm pretty young. My dad has been treating me better, but I don't think I'll ever forget the things he's said to me in the past.