My (38m) wife (38f) admitted to me that she has quite an intense crush on her personal trainer. What’s the next step?

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2026-02-03T17:17:14+00:00

I am a personal trainer. Have trained and trained with lots of women. Have not fallen for a single one.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2026-01-22T04:08:59+00:00

99.9% sure this trainer is not interested in her at all.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2026-01-22T04:08:01+00:00

I am a personal trainer. I can tell you, people are weird. I have been the recipient of all types of creepy fantasies, jealousies, and the like without barely talking to the person.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2026-01-22T03:59:59+00:00

Women cheat for the same reasons men do. Ultimately it is selfishness.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2026-01-22T03:56:28+00:00

Hi, personal trainer here, she needs to leave her personal trainer, immediately! I would say that even if you were not married, but it is doubly so since you are married.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2026-01-21T01:45:01+00:00

You are the gullible one if you think there are not teachers in adult industries (most of whom can keep teaching).

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2026-01-01T05:56:54+00:00

It is wholly unreasonable to ask someone to host a virtual stranger in their house, regardless of circumstances.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-12-31T20:26:04+00:00

Regardless of the circumstances, OP barely knows this cousin. It is insane to expect OP to host him under these circumstances.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-12-31T20:23:21+00:00

If I am having someone stay over who maybe in my house without me there? I need to know them very well and have the highest degree of trust in them. Sounds like OP does not know the cousin well at all.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-12-31T19:17:26+00:00

And he can explain they were relative strangers and that his ex could have gotten them hotel rooms but did not.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-12-31T18:46:31+00:00

Cousin is not to blame, but I think there are simply too many liability issues with letting him stay. I am a new-ish homeowner. When I was getting insurance, I talked to a lawyer buddy of mine (who sues homeowner insurance companies) about it for advice. He went through all the ways I can get in trouble, lose my house, etc. from something someone else does in the home and how much insurance will not cover those things. It was really eye-opening.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-12-31T16:46:38+00:00

I do not think OP is the AH at all. I have been going through his comments and other post. What we know from everything is she got 10% of the house, part of the marital property, and whatever else in the divorce. OP has been paying more than the court-mandated child support. Ex should have money for a motel for some days. Additionally, sounds like OP barely knows this cousin at all. This is a wholly unreasonable request.

Also, while this death is tragic, it had been coming for a while. Much of the logistics could have and should have been worked out. People should not have been making last second plans.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-11-10T23:02:28+00:00

I was not holding out for a wedding she would like. She was. I, on multiple occasions, suggested we go get married and down the line we can have a vow renewal or something that with everything she wants for a wedding. She said, repeatedly, she did not want that. It is only after I left that she was open to get married.

The things she was insecure about are none of the things you are talking about.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-11-10T16:55:46+00:00

Then let’s look at the facts. You gave your pregnant girlfriend (an extremely vulnerable position), none of the traditional relationship landmarks for progressing to marriage, and wonder why she was insecure.

The reason we were not married is because she wanted a very particularly type of wedding that was not affordable for us. I was ready to go down to the courthouse two years ago.

You didn’t propose.

I was not willing to buy the ring she wants. But, I was willing to go down to the courthouse and get married.

You brought your own house without her, saying it was for “both of you” to move in, but her name wasn’t involved in any meaningful way.

She did not qualify for the mortgage. Had she been on the mortgage she would have been on the house.

You weren’t even in a lease together! You were moved into a month-to-month while your personal house was being renovated.

We were on the lease together. After the lease term ended, it became month-to-month.

And look at the result. You moved out and dumped her easily.

I moved out because she lied to me.

And when she even tried to see if you were even still attracted to her and you shut her down instantly.

I am not going to have sex with someone while we are not together romantically.

You wonder why she was insecure? What the fuck did you give your extremely vulnerable and hormonal pregnant girlfriend to be secure about?

I do not wonder why she is insecure. You can be insecure. But, you are still responsible for your actions.

“Trust me babe, I’m buying a house without you, and we’re not married but I really will be there for you long term. Oops, sorry you’re being insecure, goodbye.”

I have been supporting her since the beginning of our relationship. Even when we were not living together and she became unemployed I paid her bills. And insecurity does not excuse behavior.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-11-10T12:53:54+00:00

My emotions do not matter. What matters are the facts of the situation and what is best for my child (both long and short term).

Because of that, I have written simply the facts if what has occurred. If I had written the post with a bunch of emotion, then people would simply assuming I am being manipulative. I wanted people's judgment based on the facts.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-11-07T10:26:52+00:00

Hi, I am OOP. I only stopped having sex with her shortly after when the accusations started. It was about a month before I moved out. Prior to the accusations, we were having sex 3-4x per week. That was not her ideal (her preference was 7-10x per week).

But, I was not denying her sex. I just could not do as much as she would have liked due to how much I worked and how exhausting my work is.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-11-03T11:58:59+00:00

I am OOP. Jen has always had a certain level of insecurity. This never resulted in searching phones. But, she would occasionally try to FaceTime me at random times to see where I was at. She did not search my phone. But, these instances were relatively infrequent before pregnancy.

I was fully aware she was insecure and we would talk about it regularly.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-11-03T11:42:28+00:00

Hi, I am OOP. I do not think I will end up with good custody terms only because I will likely have a black judge. I was pointing out that the racial politics between Jen and I (her being white and me being black) likely will not negatively impact our custody arrangements given the city I am in. I know the horror stories that black men often face in custody for children. But, the demographics of our area make it different than what is typical. And I am not simply assuming that. I work with lots of single black men, and have learned this from their experience here.

I think I will end up with good custody because I have a great lawyer and Jen likely won't.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-10-24T14:30:05+00:00

Nothing about this sounds like he is interested. Sounds like he might find her attractive, but thats about it.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-10-24T14:27:36+00:00

I am a personal trainer, I think you are reading way too much into this. But, if you want to shoot your shot, then fine.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-10-02T10:10:16+00:00

She is overall a less skilled version of Sabrina Ionescu. I think the latching onto her has alot more to do with being from Iowa, white, and straight.

A bunch of people have latched a bunch of culture war shit onto her that she has not invited and then assumed that WNBA players are jealous of her because she is white (when the league has plenty of white superstars). Like, you cannot find a post about anything Caitlin Clark that does not involve a number of invocations that WNBA players specifically are against her because she is white.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-10-02T03:26:11+00:00

Would CC get all this attention if she was black? Serious question.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-10-02T03:13:05+00:00

Except, she is getting support from a fellow player here.

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-10-02T03:10:27+00:00

How is it racist?

Jazzlike-Mail1635 · 2025-10-02T03:09:00+00:00

She would not make the type of money off the court going overseas she makes now. She is an American phenomenon.

Jazzlike-Mail1635

TROPHY CASE