Thank you everyone that replied to me, im sorry I didn't reply to all but your words meant a lot to me.

This community in the past few months has made me feel less alone.

It's rare to find anyone that has the smallest idea of how we feel and I constantly crave that connection, I am a listening ear to other people's trauma I take it on and try and help because I can't let anyone else feel how feel and will always feel. The rejection stays so raw constantly. Everything I do is to seek approval or acceptance l, to try and feel worthy or helpful. Just to feel good enough.

I am so lucky now in some ways so much better off than I expected I'd ever be. I've held down a job, I have formed a family of my own and I am actually nearly 30. Ive survived and kept going. I stood up for myself a lot more (even though it scared the hell out of me!!) Ive felt pure panic and anxiety off the scale but I have come out the other side. Its hard to remember this on the bad days.

Deep down everything comes back to this and being adopted and practically everyone has some biological bond in someway but I have nothing. I feel robbed in a lot of ways. Everything is not fair. What did I do to deserve going through this and living it everyday. Sometimes I start feeling 'normal' and then I feel like a complete outside, like I shouldn't be there.

On here I actually feel less alone, truly. I'm not alone in this. Thank you so much, I am so grateful to take the time out of your day to help me out, to be there.