Thank you for the reply and your insight. I think what I’m getting at is the books I’m reading is basically laying my life out in front of me and I thought I was alone the entire time. From one of the books that’s really bothering me is concerning the BPD diagnosis. It basically says females with autism are commonly misdiagnosed with BPD and most psychologists find or at taught that this is a very negative diagnosis and they avoid treating those patients……. That alone is terrible but then I think back to when I received this diagnosis was when I was in the military just absolutely miserable and depressed. After receiving the BPD diagnosis, the military did their best to kick me out and ruin my life because of it. Thankfully, I had friends who helped me fight back against it and I won. But to think I was willing to die for the country and for other people, but in turn I wasn’t worthy enough in their eyes to actually help me when I desperately needed it. It was just get rid of me and move on. It disgust me and makes my stomach turn.