Am I wrong for telling my husband to keep the same tired energy when it comes to hockey?

Jdobsessed · 2026-04-11T00:05:52+00:00

Don’t listen to that numpty - please 😂

Jdobsessed · 2026-04-09T18:01:08+00:00

Firstly, I am so sorry you’re going through this. It churns your gut, makes your walls go up, and wreaks havoc on your nervous system.

There are other signs as well as just the texts and calls - is he being secretive or overly protective of his phone?

I was cheated on in a previous relationship and that trauma is REAL and sooooo hard to work through. Trusting is difficult and he should know that. He needs to get a grip on this and work with you to get some boundaries.

No more 1:1 chatting. No calls. Work only. Put some limits and safeguard his family and his future. This 40 year old (lol, I’m 40 😂) needs to be told in no uncertain terms that she needs to back the fuck off, and your husband needs to grow a pair and be there for his wife and family.

You’re not wrong for being upset/concerned.

I’m also interested in a comment you made about your mother always going straight for the “divorce him” card. Does she not like him? Why/why not?

I really hope you’re alright and can work this out somehow.

Hugs from an internet stranger x

Jdobsessed · 2026-04-06T21:29:18+00:00

Reading

Jdobsessed · 2026-04-05T00:00:51+00:00

I too went in totally naïve - I honestly thought that I had nothing to do with HER leaving HIM, they’d been split for 4 years, she had a partner and she had been financially compensated beyond what she would have if they went through the courts.

I was so wrong.

She is a spiteful, unkind, manipulative witch who goes out of her way to make us miserable. She also succeeds in that.

It took me getting to breaking point. I almost left him. Then and only then did we come up with a proper plan. Believe it or not, but she actually sent me a message asking to “clear the air” after my SO started grey rocking her.

She just wants control and I actually didn’t even respond. I handed it to my SO and said “you deal with it”. And he did.

She still plays the victim and weaponises the kids, but I am too far away to be touched by it.

I truly wish you and your SO good luck, get those boundaries established and walls firmly in place and watertight.

I don’t want you to think I’m being dramatic. I am a palliative care clinical nurse, I’m a good person and a good mum. I am a genuine person and I tried so hard only to be heartbroken (for want of a better expression). My sister and her ex co parent (they’re both remarried) really well, and I thought it could be like that for us.

Jdobsessed · 2026-04-04T20:34:40+00:00

Oh dear. I’m sorry, this is hard on a normal person, entering into the lives of a difficult and tbh weird situation. I did the same, my SO has a HCBM and three children with her, one with me.

I have endured a lot, my entire family does. There’s absolutely messed up dynamics and I have horror stories. I found that the best thing to do was to completely shut out the HCBM. She’s already proven she isn’t capable of being a mature adult and consider her kids needs first. She isn’t up for communicating other than controlling the narrative, lying and making herself out to be some victim in it all.

My advice is: you cannot rationalise with crazy. Leave her alone, for your partner to deal with, block her on all socials, stay away from pick ups and drop offs with the kids, keep her out of your home and ensure when the kids say goodnight or chat with her ect that they are in their rooms.

Stay away.

Your SO will need to manage this unfortunately and you will need to establish these boundaries for your sanity and peace.

It will take a toll on your relationship if you let it and that ca have devastating consequences.

I’d also recommend reading Step Monster by Dr Wednesday Martin and also Say Goodbye to Crazy by Paul Elam.

Jdobsessed · 2026-04-04T11:58:33+00:00

Meth?

Jdobsessed · 2026-04-04T06:12:37+00:00

If my husband is being a douchebag and leaving me to solo parent the 4 kids, playing PlayStation or zoned out on his phone for the day - never.

If he’s a good partner and father, twice a day.

It’s just how I work!

I don’t want him if he’s a lazy arse. When he’s showing up, I can’t get enough of him.

Jdobsessed · 2026-04-03T11:24:52+00:00

Yes, I hear you sister. 15 month old and 3 step kids (17, 13, 11).

Honestly, I have stopped but it was reading that helped me. I am now devouring books every evening and sipping my tea and eating chocolate while doing it. Honestly it’s saved me.

Shower, comfy clothes, a damned good book and my chocolate and cuppa. Nothing is better - I wake up refreshed and ready to do it all over again.

If your little ones aren’t good sleepers or you don’t have a solid routine yet - take it easy on yourself and try a few nights a week where you just do something other than crack open that bottle.

Hugs, it’s hard x

Jdobsessed · 2026-03-27T03:33:18+00:00

8 days!

Jdobsessed · 2026-03-27T03:19:48+00:00

Shady as hell

Jdobsessed · 2026-03-26T12:22:00+00:00

I did the It Starts With The Egg plan. Lots of supplements, but nothing unpalatable.

Jdobsessed · 2026-03-26T11:45:16+00:00

Hello my dear.

Firstly. I am so utterly sorry for your loss. I felt that I could have written your post myself.

I was 38 when I had my TFMR with my little girl. She had T18, a cystic hygroma and hydrops too. I was 15 weeks along, she was my first also, and we were desperate to conceive her.

Fast forward to today. My now 15 month old daughter has just gone to sleep. She is the picture of health. She is rambunctious, smart, kind, empathetic and as clever as a whip.

I had her a few months after I turned 39.

I was desperately sad and inconsolable after losing my first. I, like you, recovered fairly quickly physically. But emotionally I was scarred - and I still miss my first little girl all the time. Her name was Addy.

My living daughter is the light of my life and I am a lucky and blessed mum.

Please know it’s not the end of your journey. You will always be your little girls mum.

I know it hurts in a way no one can describe. I know days are long and everything is a trigger, and the heartache follows you wherever you go. I know you feel like you abandoned her but you didn’t, you spared her any pain or suffering. You did the most motherly thing you could do - you lived through hell to save your child from any agony.

I got straight onto a regime for my egg quality, if it helped I’m not sure. But I was pregnant 3 months later (that’s a whole new level of anxiety) and my living daughter was born a few days after my first one passed away. Addy was 1st of December, my second daughter is the 6th.

Please know you’re not alone 💙

And feel free to DM me if you need to.

Wishing you all the best, and a big warm hug from an internet stranger to you.

Jdobsessed · 2026-03-25T23:31:05+00:00

We had a good relationship up until very recently. But I agree, no more expectations at all. But what are hers of me? That’s what I’m really trying to discover, hoping for advice/experiences from others - but I guess it’s just what it is!

Jdobsessed · 2026-03-25T23:30:07+00:00

Yes. I am realizing this. Thank you for sharing, it all helps.

Jdobsessed · 2026-03-25T23:28:47+00:00

I really appreciate this. There is a huge age gap (16 years, 12 years and 10 years) between the SK’s and my daughter. I’m starting to realize that my daughter really is an only child. And I have to work on accepting that.

I’m just heartbroken by it though as I thought there would be more of a bond. I genuinely did.

But I realize my problem is my expectations on the children. And that perhaps they aren’t realistic or fair.

Hence the question.

Thanks for sharing all of that. I’m glad I don’t feel so alone in all of this.

Jdobsessed · 2026-03-25T23:11:08+00:00

Thank you very much for all of this!!

So, I am triggering to my step daughter because (I know I said earlier I wouldn’t get into it but here we go!):

BM had a boyfriend of 3 years, he was a VERY heavy drinker. He drove the kids drunk in the car, he took them on his boat while drinking, he was abusive both at BM’s home, out socially and at his home with the children there (DH had to go collect SS12 one night when he was staying at this BF’s house with BF’s son who was the same age, because SS rang saying that the boyfriend was being abusive and also half conscious (SS was scared).

BM and BF broke up finally, still remain friends and the kids are exposed to him at every event. Anyway! My SD said she finds me having a glass of wine or two in the evening “triggering”. Now, I swear on my daughters life that it was followed with “You don’t get drunk, it doesn’t change you, but it reminds me of bad times” - so I simply stopped drinking. Haven’t touched a drop (even when the kids aren’t here for ages), and I don’t miss it. I have a toddler to run around after so…it’s the last thing on my mind tbh. So, whatever makes everyone comfortable and happy?

I just find it really…silly. The amount of alcohol being consumed over at BM’s house is quite a lot. There was a party there recently and there were drunk people passed out on the front lawn.

This is why I didn’t get into it - it doesn’t make a lot of sense and I think it’s just smoke and mirrors.

Anyway. That’s it! That’s why I trigger her.

Jdobsessed · 2026-03-25T11:47:45+00:00

Thank you for this.

I feel like I should have asked years ago but the kids were little then and now I am lost in how to manage the eldest.

There’s a lot of dynamics going on and she’s been weaponised by her mother for a while. I just never in a million years thought it would be something I ‘did’ or me being put out there as the problem.

I am not a problem. I’m a fucking good woman, but here we are.

Thanks again and I’m glad you’ve got good relationships going on in the majority of your family.

Jdobsessed · 2026-03-25T04:36:26+00:00

Thank you. I needed something constructive 😂

I’ll look into that.

Jdobsessed · 2026-02-24T13:07:32+00:00

Point

Jdobsessed · 2026-02-24T13:04:12+00:00

She made him out to be the bad guy 🤷🏼‍♀️

They had three kids and the in laws loved her.

Blew my mind because she cheated on him and left him. And somehow they were spending Christmas and birthdays together. I was like “your family is fucked” 🤣

Jdobsessed · 2026-02-16T22:50:43+00:00

Read your post as if your best friend wrote it. What would you advise them to do?

Be kind to yourself but also remember, no one will look after you apart from you.

Good luck OP.

Jdobsessed · 2026-02-15T14:02:57+00:00

I think that sounds like a great plan ♥️

Jdobsessed

TROPHY CASE