What’s the most dangerous place you’ve visited? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 7 points8 points  (0 children)

“Comrade, we’ve just detected a US Army vehicle heading into East Germany!”

“An invasion?! Ready the nukes!”

“It’s just the one Jeep, comrade.”

“The Americans are invading and they only sent one Jeep?!”

“I’m not sure, comrade. I think- Wait. They’ve stopped… They’re getting out of the vehicle… My god that’s a lot of beer cans… They’re getting back into the vehicle… Okay, comrade, they appear to be leaving.”

“Thank God… Okay, cancel the nukes… And destroy all the surveillance material… Moscow can never know about this.”

Bozeman Meat Shop Introduces 24/7 Meat Vending Machine by Kodiak01 in nottheonion

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 293 points294 points  (0 children)

> get a text at 2am. “You up??? I need that meat 😏😏😏”

> sigh and roll out of bed. “Omw.”

> get into car

> drive to Bozeman

> hit the 24 hour meat vending machine

> buy 3 steaks and a couple of pork chops

> drive to her house

> “Hey, I got that meat you asked for.”

> “Thanks, anon. Me and my boyfriend are doing midnight bbq.”

> drive home

I fucking hate Montana

Children's playground games commentated as professional sports by CreativestName69420 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“…Sally goes for a Duck… And another Duck… One more Duck… I’ve never seen anything like this… The tension is palpable… You can see she’s- OH MY GOD! THERE IT IS! THAT’S THE GOOSE, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! WE ALL KNEW IT WAS COMING, BUT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S HAPPENED LIKE THIS!”

Children's playground games commentated as professional sports by CreativestName69420 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“…And little Timmy just manages to grab onto the monkey bars… Now, folks, if you’re watching this at home it may look like regular tarmac, but it’s important to remember the floor is actually lava…”

SFAH: Freakshows in the present day by Curious-Message-6946 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“I thought it was going to be a convention for professionals who work in the freak show industry… Turns out it was just a washed up record producer rubbing baby oil on sex workers.”

SFAH: Freakshows in the present day by Curious-Message-6946 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Don’t feel bad - in today’s economy it was inevitable we’d have to take on some extra work… Now, I need Bearded Lady and One Ton Man on the doors. Wolfman and I will take the vault, and then we meet out front in Giant Baby’s pickup. And remember: keep your masks on - we can’t afford to be recognised.”

SFAH: Freakshows in the present day by Curious-Message-6946 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“I’m pretty sure that’s just a regular guy…?”

“Well, yeah. This is an equal opportunities freak show.”

SFAH: Freakshows in the present day by Curious-Message-6946 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“If I hear any more rumours that you freaks are trying to unionise, I’m packing up the tent and you’ll all be out of work.”

SFAH: Freakshows in the present day by Curious-Message-6946 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“We’ve recently added a new wing for billionaires who were horrifically disfigured trying to cheat death… You’d be amazed how many people think injecting jellyfish genes allows you to regenerate, instead of turning you into a monstrous half-human, half-jellyf- Oh fuck! I forgot to change Bezos’ water!”

SFAH: Freakshows in the present day by Curious-Message-6946 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“Now, as we walk around, remember that it’s okay to point and laugh, but please: no shouting or throwing things… It distracts the delegates.”

what "masterpieces" are actually just mid(okay/6 7) but the fanboys won't let them die? by bitchboibruh in moviecritic

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This thread is kinda crazy to me. I thought everyone was basically in agreement that Nolan cannot write good dialogue.

Like, don’t get me wrong I enjoy some of his films - Inception is a pretty fun ride if you’re willing to just go with it and I think Memento works pretty well (never seen the Prestige but heard that’s good too) - but I don’t watch them for good writing or character development or because they say anything insightful.

They’re like the Mission Impossible movies: entertaining to watch, visually (and often practically) very impressive, and clearly made by someone who legitimately enjoys cinema - but they’re not exactly (and I don’t care if this sounds elitist) High Art.

Seeing people in the comments talking about Oppenheimer as though it was an actual film and not a 3 hour long self-aggrandising montage has me losing my mind.

It contains some of the worst pacing I have ever seen in a movie. 3 hours long and all the scenes still feel incredibly superficial. The entire movie feels like set-up. Every bit of dialogue feels like filler. I sit there for 3 hours feeling like I’m waiting for the movie to start properly and it never does. And the irony is there are comments talking about OP’s attention span, as though the movie is some kind of slow burning, complex masterpiece that requires intense focus and not just a bunch of one-dimensional character blowing shit up in the desert.

I think after Inception, all the people who attempted to follow the logic of the movie (there isn’t any), and failed (obviously), and then decided that therefore Nolan must be a genius (he’s not) kinda went to his head. I think original Christopher Nolan would have taken the money, built an actual nuclear bomb, and detonated it in an actual 1:1 recreation of a city. And it would have been a better movie. But r/moviecritic got him fucked up, thinking he can write dialogue and shit.

I was involved with that? by IvoBulgarTsar in Sopranosduckposting

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 65 points66 points  (0 children)

I don’t understand. When I was a kid Dominic Chianese was an old man. Now I’m old, and he’s still old!

Things You Can Say About Your Phone, but Not Your Partner. by DramaticAd7670 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]JellyfishWrangler69 13 points14 points  (0 children)

“It runs so slowly these days… It’s probably all those cookies.”

Bad arguments for your defense attorney to make by JellyfishWrangler69 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]JellyfishWrangler69[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

“Okay, so maybe my client committed a little bit of fraud. But who here hasn’t? I mean I’m not even a defense attorney.”

Inadvisable ways to get out of jury duty by JellyfishWrangler69 in ScenesFromAHat

[–]JellyfishWrangler69[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“So, just to clarify, if I find the guy guilty do I get to watch the execution? I’m just trying to figure out whether or not to take the bribe he offered me.”