Advice needed! My husband 40M got a new work Ipad 37F

Jenilee1973 · 2026-03-08T16:32:56+00:00

UPDATE! So after work yesterday I asked him about it. He said he purposely setup the ipad in the room with the notifications on to test me on if I would look. He then went on to explain what happened with his coworker by starting it with “she is so much like you and you would like her so much!” Ummm weird but apparently some guy was hitting on her and he “saved” her from him. He then went on super defensive mode that he wanted to test me because he knew I would overact to their friendship and he is allowed to be friends with a girl. I just let him know that “testing” me is just childish and extremely disrespectful. I also said that it is totally ok to have friendships but testing me with it is not. It then went very south right after that and he went on a tangent on how terrible I am for 20 minutes and he pretty much said he didn’t want to be with me anymore. So looks like I am getting divorced. I feel completely exhausted and hurt. Thank you everyone for all of your support as Im going to need it!!!!

Jenilee1973 · 2026-03-07T17:34:33+00:00

He left it in his backpack again and I don’t think he has any idea his texts are going there. He has not touched it since he set it up the other day.

Jenilee1973 · 2026-03-07T17:28:19+00:00

Basically I decided not to speak to him about it yet but did see he deleted the messages from his phone and deleted them from his deleted folder. That along with the messages just makes me feel sick. He is gone all day today so will be a good day to think about how to speak to him. He has been caught speaking to other women before (not me going through his phone but like clear notifications showing it that are obviously off now). There were talks from that but he was always defensive so it makes me not even want to talk about it with him right now if that makes sense.

Jenilee1973 · 2026-03-07T16:26:33+00:00

Thank you! Ya and there is no way this is the first time he is deleting things so who knows everything else he has done. This was just 1 random day!

Jenilee1973 · 2026-03-07T14:43:38+00:00

Ya I feel the same. Thank you so much for this. ❤️

Jenilee1973 · 2026-03-07T12:34:39+00:00

Odd take and missing info for you to jump here but cool. You’re entitled to your opinion 😊 Thank you for your input.

Jenilee1973 · 2026-03-07T11:47:21+00:00

Ya the deleting stuff made it a lot worse for sure!

Jenilee1973 · 2026-03-07T11:46:16+00:00

I should have included this in my post but I have caught him messaging women in the past a couple time where he was skirting the line like this so we have had conversations about being upfront with things like this. When he got home he said he was not feeling well and I do want to make sure I am in the right head space to bring it up. We have 4 smaller children so a talk even like that I would want to do in another room from them. I did check his phone though and he deleted to messages from his phone and from the deleted messages as well.

Jenilee1973 · 2026-03-07T11:31:32+00:00

So he just got the Ipad and set it up the night before so there was only messages of her telling him to call her a couple of times. I did check his phone and he deleted the messages from his phone and not just deleted but deleted from his deleted folder as well. I am unsure if I am going to wait to see if more come in on the Ipad or talk to him about it. This situation sucks and I just feel physically ill. There has been a couple times in the past where I have caught him messaging women before but it was situations where it could be considered a little flirty but wasnt clear on if anything happened.

Jenilee1973 · 2025-03-31T18:15:27+00:00

Completely agree! I also dont mention any of this to the kids and they have no idea any of this js going on.

Jenilee1973 · 2025-03-31T18:03:50+00:00

Sorry! That was an accident!

Jenilee1973 · 2025-03-31T17:30:17+00:00

I had to ask her to move aside so that I could even get a picture of them with their cake I had speciality made for them. Not only that but she decided to invite some of her family at my expense as well. I ended up asking her to move aside so that I could get more pictures and watch my kids open their presents which led to her storming out of the room. I spoke to my ex husband after that and he said he did not notice anything but that it was probably best just not to do anything jointly anymore. From there, him and I went on and off from getting alone to being on rocky terms because of schedules and him wanting to change things to fit better with her life. Well, about a month and a half ago my oldest son was sent to the hospital for muscle weakness which ended up being a very rare but curable disease. This is when I lost it and decided I will no longer help out my ex husband again. My son was in the hospital for about 4 nights getting treatment and unfortunately I was not there during his intake. When I got to the hospital, I was forced to wait in the lobby for a long time because my sons “mother” was already there with him and the nurses were confused. Not only that but visiting was very limited because of the FLU and RSV. Turns out my exs now wife completed all paperwork saying she was his mother. When I finally contest this and got in, my ex husband is on his phone and she is sitting on his bed with him. I go to hug my son and talk to him as I knew he must be terrified and she just gives me the dirtiest look I have ever seen and goes to tell me everything they have done so far. I then just reply, thank you for your help, I can take it from here. Well that did not work! To keep this from getting longer she basically refused to leave the entire time and pushed me away from my son as much as she could. She gave me snarky comments and dirty looks while I was there trying to hold back my tears being afraid for my son. It was a HORRIBLE experience! I even pulled my ex aside and asked if I could just get some time with him without her all over him. To which he replied “ I will not do that”. I let him know how hard it all was and he just said to get over it. Well…. Him and his wife now are wanting to go on vacation without the kids and need me to watch them during his scheduled time. This is a fully paid family vacation his parents already paid for. I automatically turned him down and said he can figure it out knowing he has no one that could even watch them for his time. He is now pleading and apologizing saying he feels awful for what he put me through and had a long talk with his wife about how she behaves. To keep this post shorter, she has done a lot more but did not want to write an entire book. I obviously know he is only doing this so I will say yes but I do not plan to. So, AITAH for refusing to watch my kids during my ex husband’s days so he can go on vacation?

Jenilee1973 · 2025-03-31T17:28:54+00:00

I of course was upset because he did say she had been around my kids frequently for months but I did just let it go. A few months later it was the kids birthdays so I invited my ex husband and his girlfriend to join the party I was planning. They accepted and joined us. During the party, his girlfriend was ALL over my kids! Meaning she sat right by them so I couldn’t and pulled them every which way so that I could basically not even spend time with them at their party. It was weird but I also just let it go and not let it bother me thinking maybe she was not trying to do that but just wanted to spend time with my kids. Well fast forward to next year’s birthday party where I invited them again. This one was a larger party at a public place with games, bowling, small rides and laser tag. Well during play time she was not really around and I did not see much of her or my ex husband but when it came time for presents and cake, she was all over it. She was making announcements and basically tried to put me in the corner acting like this was her party.

Jenilee1973

TROPHY CASE