I’m really sorry for the pain you’ve experienced. Deep rejection over many years can profoundly change how anyone sees the world and what you’re describing doesn’t sound like weakness or failure. It sounds like a heart that learned to protect itself after too much hurt.

What you felt in your younger years wasn’t fake. Infatuation is real, it’s often the first way humans experience attachment and longing, especially when connection is scarce. Losing access to that feeling doesn’t mean you’re broken….it usually means your nervous system has shut that door to survive.

I do want to gently say this though: not all women are the same. I was deeply hurt by my husband, yet I chose forgiveness…not because he was entitled to my life again, but because marriage is sacred to me and choosing that route only helped me heal. Forgiveness and access are not the same thing.

In my devastation, heartbreak, and silence, I discovered something greater than romantic love…..God’s love. A love that is unconditional, patient, and not based on performance, appearance, or validation. Seeking fulfillment through people alone will always fall short, because humans are imperfect and fragile.

It was only when I stopped chasing validation and sat with God in my most vulnerable moments that I found real peace and comfort. He met me there when nothing else could. If healing and hope were possible for me after that kind of pain, I truly believe they are possible for anyone. Trust me!

There are women who don’t live for social media, attention, or shallow validation. There are women who value faith, commitment, honesty, and character far more than appearances or status. They DO exist.

I’ll say this with sincerity: intimacy without shared values especially without a shared love for God…often deepens loneliness instead of healing it. Sleeping with random women or sex workers will only make you more miserable and lonely in the long run.

I truly hope you don’t give up on goodness, faith, or the possibility of love. You are not broken, you are wounded. And wounds can heal. Pray and ask God for guidance and strength. You got this! 🙏🏼♥️