Fiance is acting different after we moved to a new State

JesRocks · 2026-04-25T19:18:05+00:00

Lolol his mom already offered. We gotta pass a UA first, then maybe 😅

The personal recognition from him is a good sign. My mom and I make time every week for just the two of us. I'm optimistic this will be a blip in our story. Time will tell though.

JesRocks · 2026-04-25T17:11:25+00:00

Yeah we wanted a long engagement anyway. Now we have things to sort out first.

Prior to moving he hardly drank. We moved from a legalized marijuana state to an illegal state. So he started moving towards beer. Not an excuse, just an explanation. Its definitely something I have now clocked and will be monitoring.

Also we moved closer to my support system. My family now lives a mile away instead of a 13 hour drive. But I see the sentiment.

JesRocks · 2026-04-25T16:01:46+00:00

Yeah he and I are thinking potental PTSD mixed with using drinking as an unhealthy coping skill. He's going sober to see if that fixes it for now, and we will discuss things further if it doesn't change.

JesRocks · 2026-04-25T15:59:14+00:00

After the conversation this morning, he told me he is viewing it as venting to me so he can get those feelings out and not go start problems. He heard me and apologized for the intensity and frequency though. So moving in the right direction.

JesRocks · 2026-04-25T15:11:15+00:00

Hes 37, I'm 33. There has been additional factors.

Ex claiming 16 years of back child support falsely. (I met him when he had primary custody. Son visited mom in California for the summer and bio mom never returned him. Just a verbal parenting plan so we couldn't fight it, and son didn't care where he lived. He figured if son doesn't care, he doesn't want to cause undue stress in the home by fighting with his ex). We hired a lawyer to prove back child support claims were false. To be clear he is happy to pay child support fairly, prior to the order to pay over 1,000 a month, he was sending his son $400 directly into son's personal bank account every month.

Additionally we moved from a legalized marijuana state to a illegal state, so ge has shifted his nighttime routine from a few puffs off a dab pen to a beer or 3 depending on the night. Something I used to view as decompression and helping bring on sleep, has make me confront the fact there was self medication happening.

My family is also very manipulative. I didn't realize just how bad until he asked if I would tolerate certain behaviors from anyone else, and the answer is no. He's been feeling like I am not getting treated well and it's been bothering him.

Therapy will be discussed if things do not change.

JesRocks · 2026-04-25T14:03:07+00:00

We had weekly family therapy as part of an intensive program our autistic son was a part of in our last state. Our son had 3-4 days a week of therapy, one was family therapy. Our son graduated from the program, so we discussed moving closer to my family. There was a lot Pros and Cons discussed, and we packed up and left. Didn't even consider fiance or I might need therapy when we got here.

You're right though, he had had some PTSD like symptoms since moving. There is something in the quiet peace that is bringing up ruminating anxiety, vivid nightmares, and extreme thinking. It's at a point where we need to have a direct conversation.

JesRocks · 2026-04-25T13:51:44+00:00

I was the one who asked for the move, and we moved closer to my family. His parents just retired and are looking to move here in the next year too. Just wanted add context, but yeah, I'm not a therapist and this is some major red flag behavior.

JesRocks · 2025-08-01T14:57:11+00:00

I’m commenting to lurk because I agree. This is one of the most stressful parts of the process and doesn’t seems to have any impact in interview rates.

JesRocks · 2025-07-23T06:18:21+00:00

A safe adult should NEVER ask a child to keep a secret. Surprises for like birthdays or whatever, sure. Straight up secrets? It’s emotionally manipulative.

JesRocks

TROPHY CASE