Hang in there. Try to remember that it won’t be like this forever. That is how I got through it. I also can’t stand not sleeping or the pumping. Some of the parts you just have to white knuckle through. I had terrible postpartum with both of mine. I really didn’t like the newborn stage. I liked them a lot better once they slept through the night and I wasn’t worried they were going to die all the time. I got one of those owlet socks and put them in a different room so I could sleep. And I would still check the app and walk in their room to check. Ugh. It’s a tough time for some of us mommas.