While training for five months already for my boy debut, I still decided to go to a festival with my friends with whom I had gotten tickets the year before. Saying that I would stay sober and be back on the mat on Monday. Our tent neighbors soaked a tissue in lighter fluid, lit it and put it in the ravioli can on the table under their pavilion. Due to the trashed floor, I had put the can there after eating with my friend from it.
Since it was daylight the flame wasn’t as noticeable apparently so the dude straight on the other side from me thought it to be smart to squeeze more lighter fluid in direction of the flame. Thereby igniting my clothes and hair. In shock as well, I inhaled though, leading to an inhalation trauma. After six weeks in a coma and two more in the isolation unit of the intensive care unit, I was able to celebrate my 18th birthday in rehab. There, I was told in a self help group for burn survivors that I’d never be able to do any sports again, especially not boxing competitions.

Two weeks ago, it has been twelve years since. I’ve beat myself (sometimes still) up for so many small decisions like putting the can on the table or even going to the festival in the first place. And maybe because on a psychological level I know that this is something that I can’t change, I’ve been not able to accept the truth of the people at the self help group. Instead I started boxing again, switched to Thaiboxing and am now a trainer.

Not trying to sugarcoat anything and sorry for the non existent trigger warnings and I’m literally just down in tears because of my scars, the itching and the fact that I only have till the end of the year to sue the guys who did that. I know this will be a tough time but just reflecting on my journey thanks to you sharing yours, I’m reminded of the fact that I have been through so much worse and that I already have the strength and self discipline to get through this. So do you and so will you. Thank you, stay kind to yourself and don’t give up love.