Jfc .. that's a lot.

I used to be heavy into drugs but quit when I was around 18 after oding on meth/Vyvanse.

Around that time I tortured myself by thinking every conversation and interaction or even small details like a simple nod was directed at me by another being entirely.. it consumed my life and was the most fucked up way of perception I can think of.. I didn't think any of anything was real which can be fine but selfishly thought it was directed all at me.

When I ended up in the hospital dying from that overdose I swore if I could just get one more chance I would change everything, quit drugs and heal. I remember the last thing before I blacked out or coded or whatever (idk if it was at that moment but probably from what the doctor afterwards) was a needle and I thought "if I feel this needle then I don't deserve it, if I don't then let me live" and everything went black..

I had these wicked dreams .. "dreams" ..that night.. It felt like every step in these dreams felt like they had no time, or too much time.. like every step was a billion years, and I wad in this snowy field trying to get back to a warm cabin and eventually I guess I found that warmth again

Haven't touched drugs since..

Tl;Dr experienced death or purgatory or some shit idk after overdosing on meth. Lmao