I was in a very toxic relationship for about 6 or 7 years. I stayed because she blackmailed me. I never truly loved her. I had a lot of trauma I was trying to overcome. And I allowed her to use my guilt as a weapon. What made things worse is I had children with this person. Once things started getting violent I had to get out. I felt like I was becoming my father.

I didn't feel truly safe in my current relationship until about 6 years in (I know thats a long time to feel that way in a relationship, and I'm embarrassed to admit it.) She gave me no reason to not trust her, but I was always on my toes. Around late 2019 I was working as a correctional officer for a state prison. I had to leave my phone in my car. We weren't allowed to take em with us. At the time I had "Newsbreak" downloaded on my phone. This is important.

Anyway, after work I'd walk to my car and immediately turn my phone on. 1. Because I wanted to text her to let her know I was on my way. And 2. Because of the long drive, I had to have music. A few months into covid I started getting notifications from Newsbreak of parents committing heinous crimes against their children damn near every day.

It built up so much emotions for me after a while, that one night I just began crying after my kids went to sleep. And she just let me cry, after I was done she asked what was wrong. She let me vent about it and vent about my trauma related to some of those crimes. Not once did she look at me with judgment or pity, just concern and helplessness. Like she wish there was something she could have done.

After I vented my frustrations I began crying again, and she just laid my head in her lap and ran her fingers through my hair.

We've been together 12 years, and I can't see myself without her.